Coed Sleepovers thoughts? Advice?

Trish - posted on 01/03/2012 ( 36 moms have responded )

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My son is 17 almost 17 and for his 17th birthday were going to have a really huge birthday party for him. A bunch of his friends are coming over Well he and his girlfriend have been dating since they were both 13 and my husband and i are really impressed and they are both super mature for there ages and its very serious well my son asked me if his Girlfriend and a few of her friends stay over along with some of his guy friends well i am hesitent and just unsure i mean i trust him and his girlfriend but its the other kids i worry about! Anyone ever dealt with this? Any tips or advice?

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Ez - posted on 01/04/2012

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Trish, I'm really at a loss as to why you have posted here. You have clearly decided what you want to do. And you ARE coming across as defensive to those who are disagreeing with your choice.

[deleted account]

Oh you're looking forward to grandkids at your young age? I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't trust any of them because I know damn well i would have found a place to screw in that situation at 17 and did so in my youth.

[deleted account]

Trish, you're rather defensive on the topic so I think your mind is made up. Sounds like your husband isn't so are you trying to convince us, him or yourself?

I still think it's a poor idea.

Ez - posted on 01/03/2012

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If you are not sure, don't do it. Why are they so desperate to have a sleepover? 17 is quite old for an old-fashioned, innocent sleepover. I would be skeptical as to their motives, to be honest. If they are planning on doing the right thing (ie not sneaking around and having sex in your home) there's no reason why they can't just go home at the end of the party.

Ez - posted on 01/03/2012

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I wouldn't allow it. They may very well 'seem' mature and responsible, but they are still teenagers. Also, do the parents of the other kids agree to it? What if your son and his GF do indeed behave, but the other kids don't?

36 Comments

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Tanya - posted on 01/05/2012

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Honestly, I wouldn't do it, at any age (while they are minors) My oldest son who is 17 has had coed b-day parties, i of course would allow them to attend the party but when it was time to sleep over, we would give the girls a ride home. To each their own, and I hope it works out for you :)

Robin - posted on 01/05/2012

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I have dealt with co-ed sleep overs quite a few years since we have a son that is 18 and daughter that is almost 17. They are slightly different than the scenario you have, but result is the same. This seems to work for us: First, all parents should know that there are boys and girls staying at your house. Second, all kids should be explicitly told the expectations of the evening - what rooms are off limits, what is girls bathroom and boys during the night, etc. Third, make yourself pop in on them throughout the night, or I have even slept with the girls! My daughter doesn't mind and we just make it fun. I believe in trust, but verify! Our kids know that dad or mom could come in the room at any point so they not only act responsibly, but police their friends as well. I want my kids to have time with their friends- and I'd rather it be at my house - , so I'm willing to give up some sleep on those nights they both happen to have friends over.

Trish - posted on 01/04/2012

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No I am not going to do it i just disagreed with some of you and it blew up....

Sherri - posted on 01/04/2012

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I am not being defensive because you disagree with me. You are snide and didn't want to hear what I had to say so all the more power to you good luck (I mean it sincerely) with what ever it is you decide to do.

Trish - posted on 01/04/2012

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Sherrie stop being defensive just because i disagree with you doesn't mean i don't want advice.

Kellie - posted on 01/04/2012

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Personally I think if they're wanting to have a mass group orgy they'd be less obvious. Teens aren't stupid either, sure they make stupid mistakes but so do older supposedly more mature people.

Boys and girls CAN be friends without having sex with each other, I've always had boy FRIENDS and have had boy FRIENDS sleep over and slept over at theirs without having sex with them.

Obviously it's dependant on the group of teens, but I refuse to automatically write them off and just assume they will be having sex all over the place with all present simply because they're teens and they're in the same room as each other.

Sherri - posted on 01/04/2012

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Well Trish it appears you really don't want any advice. So do whatever, you would like to do and good luck with whatever, it is you decide to do.

[deleted account]

I didn't have sex until I was 23 and did have a few co-ed sleepovers as a teen. I still wouldn't allow it w/ my kids.

If you want to allow it, do it. If you don't, then don't.

Trish - posted on 01/04/2012

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Not Defensive at all I already saw that Response from someone who clearly said because she did it at that age so cool your horses so i reitraited what i responded to her with. I don't like broad sweeping statements or assumptions and you my dear assumed they were going to have sex lol

Bonnie - posted on 01/04/2012

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Sounds to me like they could be using this as an opportunity. Maybe they should leave it as his friends stay at your house and her friends stay at her house.

Sherri - posted on 01/04/2012

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Never said I did or didn't, so I wouldn't assume. Be careful with assuming you know how assuming makes you appear right?? Also if you don't have a problem with it and are so defensive because people do, why did you post your question?

Also please notice my response I simply stated what I would do in my house. Not what you should do.

Trish - posted on 01/04/2012

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Just because you had sex when you were a teen doesn't mean my son and his Girlfriend will......

Sherri - posted on 01/04/2012

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Well in my house 100% NOPE sorry I can assure you they will be finding ways to have sex and that is not something I would ever condone in my house. They are much to old for an innocent sleepover any longer imho.

Chrystal - posted on 01/04/2012

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If you say your son is mature for his age then is he mature enough to invite the right people that will respect house rules? Have you had the kids over to your home before and have they seemed trustworthy? I wouldn't invite kids you think wouldn't be trustworthy or you don't somewhat know. If the answer is yes to both then with set rules and supervision I think it could be ok. As long as you personally ask every parent and let them know exactly what is planned so they can choose if that's what they want their kid to be a part of. I'm a little puzzled by college girls wanting to be at a high school sleepover but being in college doesn't aromatically make them bad sleepover material. The fact is if the teens want to have sex and drink etc then at that age they have more than enough time to do it in everyday life it's not like they will suddenly have a drunken orgy because of a sleepover. Just keep an eye on them in case group stupidity takes over like it can with teens but it sounds to me like your son is a good kid that doesn't want to pull anything bad just wants to hang out with his friends. My brother had co-ed sleepovers and even though he wasn't very supervised, I as his little sister spied all the time and they never did anything my mom wouldn't approve of and I know for a fact he was an adult before being sexually active even though he had girlfriends at the sleepovers so it's not always about that.

Jodi - posted on 01/04/2012

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Kellie, we are not just talking HER teenager here. We are talking other teens that it appears she doesn't have trust in.

Amy - posted on 01/04/2012

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I wouldn't allow it unless you plan on not sleeping all night so that you can keep watch because you may trust your son but what about his friends. I would also notify the parents of these friends because there parents may want to know there is going to be a co-Ed sleepover. Just out of curiosity why do they want this sleepover, why can't these friends go home after this party are they trying to have alcohol there?

Kellie - posted on 01/04/2012

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geez I'm feeling the trust over here.

Teenager doesn't = rude, ungrateful, mating like rabbits, and whatever other negative you can come up with.

I was 19 when I had sex for the first time, and I'd been living on my own since I was 16 and before that was barely supervised. I had ample opportunity to sleep with anything that moved and chose not to.

Teenagers CAN be trustworthy and responsible.

Jodi - posted on 01/04/2012

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I must admit, I agree totally with Erin. I have teenagers, and there is no way in hell.......

Ez - posted on 01/03/2012

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How old are they? Younger?

Obviously it's your decision, but there's no way I would have it.

Trish - posted on 01/03/2012

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I trust my son and his girlfriend however the other girls coming are my daughters friends.

Trish - posted on 01/03/2012

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Just because you did it doesn't mean everyone did it.... Nor am i wanting Grand kids...

Trish - posted on 01/03/2012

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They both want to do it and yes the boys are gonna be in one room and girls in another.

Ruthie - posted on 01/03/2012

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What house rules do you and your husband have for when friends stay over? If your rules are that guys stay in one room and girls stay in another...then so it is. Since your son and his girlfriend seem super mature, why not discuss this issue with them and get their feedback.

Stacy - posted on 01/03/2012

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I don't think it would be an issue, but you know the other kids better than anyone on here would.

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