coming home from fathers

Darleen - posted on 04/14/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )

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ok my daughter is 14 months now and me and her father have been separated for several months. I give him visitation every other weekend.. but since we have been separated once she comes home to me she won't leave my side. all she wants me to do is carry her and if I put her down she all she does is scream and cry... even when we sleep she won't sleep in her bed for a couple days and wants me to hug her or sleep next to me. Is this something I should be wotried about or assume something bad is happening at her fathers house?

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Ledia - posted on 04/15/2015

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This is very normal behavior for children her age in situations where the parents live in separate homes.

The transition is rather traumatic. You are with her 26 days of the month, then every other weekend, she has to go away from you for two days straight and stay with someone she sees only 4 days a month. She doesn't know him well enough to be comfortable, and because at her age, she has no concept of time, she doesn't know when (or even IF) you will be coming back for her, and when you do get her back, she doesn't know when you will be leaving her with him again.

Ideally, she needs to be seeing her father more often and for shorter amounts of time than is currently allowed. She is too young for every other weekend visitation. As she becomes more comfortable with him, and as she starts to see some regularity in the schedule of you leaving and coming back, her clingginess will gradually subside a little over the next couple of years--it is not a quick adjustment period, it will take at least a year or more. Also, keep in mind that when parents live apart, there will ALWAYS be an adjustment period every time she comes home from the other parent's house. Her behavior during that adjustment period (usually the first 1 or 2 days home if she stays with him often, or the first week if she's only staying there twice a month) will vary by her age, but she will usually be more emotional, either detached or extra clingy, sometimes argumentative or defiant. Once she readjusts to your home, she should go back to normal until the next time she is away.

GlenS - posted on 04/14/2015

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Nothing , because her parents separated she desperately seeking love, care and I can see a lot of emotions in her. Love her as much as you can , sleep with her care her , I am praying you , Hope you are not in another relation

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