Coming out as a lesbian to your child.

K - posted on 03/11/2014 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Hello there. I need some advice. Preferably from someone who has maybe already been through this type of situation. Im a 25 year old single mom. I have a son, he is 6 years old. I separated from his father over 3 years ago, and have remained "single" since. Recently and for the passed four month, I have been dating. I have been dating a woman. (Something ive done in the passed before being with my sons father of 5 years.) I of course, would never bring anything up to my son, unless it progressed more and became a serious relationship, but what I do know, is after fully "being with" a woman, its probably going to be a life long decision to stick with dating only women. Everything about it is 10x more fulfilling vs being with a man. So theres no confusion, ect. --My question is HOW do I explain this to a 6 year old? I have MANY gay friends, who my son interacts with, and sees with their partners. He never has questioned them, or even seemed to be curious why 2 people of the same sex were "holding hands or kissing". It seemed as if it was just natural for him. But im not sure he would feel the same about his mommy dating another woman. This is another rough thing for me... His father, is homophobic. Im not too fond of experiencing the mental abuse of when he finds out about this either. Once I tell my son, openly, im sure it will get back to him... and some not so nice things could POSSIBLY be said. Considering my son is only 6, should I just try my best to refrain from letting him find out? Its a really crappy situation for me because I am SO SO happy with my current relationship, yet it hurts to have to hide it/not know how to explain it.

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K - posted on 07/16/2014

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Its actually going on almost a year now, and my son never questions it. We hold hands, kiss, as normal couples. Of course nothing explicit, man or woman should be in front of children anyway. So that's not an issue. Even in public, we are open. My son was my only fear. FORTUNATELY we live in a very gay acceptant area, so I have no worries on that end! Thanks for your input :)

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K - posted on 07/16/2014

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Indeed. My anxiety over it, blocked me from clearly thinking logically. Whoo hoo! Thanks again for your input!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/16/2014

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Sounds like a typical 6 yo response. You did just fine, K!

Aaliyah - posted on 07/16/2014

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I'm not a lesbian, however, if that's what makes you happy, continue.. Your child will have questions like- Why do I have two moms, etc. However explain to him that you found love! If you want to have sex, if you want to kiss, if you want to hold hands, etc. with your partner, do as you please! I wouldn't do this in public only because people will judge you, your partner, and sadly, your son will be teased as well. :( I would hate for that to happen!! Please take my advice! (: Thank you!

K - posted on 07/16/2014

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Well since this post, I am EXTREMELY happy to say that its OUT! My son knows. And guess what? Not once did he question her being a female. Not once did he act as if it was wrong. One day my girlfriend finally announced through random conversation on a car ride "I have a girlfriend"... my son replied with "yeah. I know. my mommmmmm" very sarcastically and as if it was natural. More like a "duhh mom, I already know"... it was the most relieving moment. We also have played games that he has made up. For example he said "Me plus tux (our cat) equals crazy" .. and so on. So I asked him "Damien, what does momma plus Jess equal"...he stated "love, because you guys love eachother"... I was so scared for nothing. It goes to show, children are not born into ignorance, they are taught it. All he has witnessed is love and boy does he love her back. ♥ Thanks for the support.

His dad on the other hand, isn't too fond. But that was expected. Hes a life long annoyance factor, im accepting it. :)

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/16/2014

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Explain that you have a friend that you like very much. He's 6. He's not going to be shocked, or amazed, or ashamed. If you and your partner are happy, and he's well adjusted, you don't need to worry about how much 'explaining' you need to do now.

The privacy should have already been addressed (what happens at mom's doesn't need to be mentioned to dad, especially relationships). Tell him that your relationship is none of his father's affair, and if he says dad's been asking, you handle that directly with your ex, as it would be extremely inappropriate for your ex to be grilling your kid.

K - posted on 03/11/2014

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I'm open to the public about it, nor am I ashamed. But for some reason I get terrified thinking of having to explain it to my son. I fear his judgment most. Otherwise, everyone knows I date women. Sometimes I feel as if "he knows" but at 6, he doesn't ask, and I haven't exactly told. Do you suggest a certain way of explaining it in 6 year old "dummy terms"?

Angelique - posted on 03/11/2014

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Hi! I'm Angelique. I happen to have an uncle who is gay. He's very open with it. I think that being open with it is the key thing to remember. Your son might be surprised, angry, or just plain sad. I think telling him this will keep a healthy relationship between you and your son, and you and your dating partner. If you don't tell him for a while, he might be really be angry, and he might say something like "Oh, I cant believe you, hiding this from me" Telling him early would be good, just to get it over with, so you don't feel guilt anymore. I hope this helps :-)

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