Communication Issues

Sophie - posted on 01/08/2013 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My custody/support battle has been on and off for over 6 years now. The latest complaint from the other party is that I not use a "communication book" which is passed back and forth by our 7 year old daughter. I would rather a more discrete form of communication that does not lay that burden on her. What are your thoughts on this? What are some constructive methods of communicating that will satisfy his need to have it written down?

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Sophie - posted on 01/09/2013

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That's an excellent point Michelle and I like the idea of providing a bit of a disclaimer reiterating that I find the communication book inappropriate.

I would really like to maintain communication but I am so against our daughter having to be the mule. It makes it extra frustrating that I have provided so many alternatives and he is unwilling to consider any of them!

Michelle - posted on 01/09/2013

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Since even the judge said it wasn't a good idea I would stick with what you are doing. He sounds very controlling and you need to stand your ground.

I would keep with the emails and even write in them that you are writing the email because as previously discussed you find the communication book an inappropriate form of communication since your daughter can read it and should never be in that situation.

There is no order that you use the book so don't. He can't have you up for going against the court orders because there aren't any.

Sophie - posted on 01/08/2013

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Unfortunately I am currently unrepresented. I sunk a huge amount of money the last time we were going through court and cannot afford to do it again.

The judge did point out to him that it was not fair and he has refused to stop. I receive one every week like clock-work. I have been refusing to respond and instead provide him information via email. Ideally though it would be nice to see reciprocal communication that isn't bogged down by control tactics.

Dove - posted on 01/08/2013

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Your daughter has to pass this book of communication back and forth between you and your ex? Uh uh... tell your lawyer to put a stop to that now. The KIDS should never, ever be in the middle like that.

Sophie - posted on 01/08/2013

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I have suggested email, text, phone, in-person AND mediation. I am always met with excuses about how they just don't work for him. Ideally I would love for all communication to be via email as we can answer each other right away or take our time if we need to. If I fail to use the comm book one week, I get told off.

In my opinion the comm book puts too much pressure on our daughter. She is a very competent reader and knows that the book is used to discuss her.

Does anyone use log books or know of an online, private communication program? Or have any suggestions for a combination of communication methods?

Amy - posted on 01/08/2013

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My eventually ex seems to only want to communicate via e-mail which works for me because then I have all communication saved.

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