concerned about my sons mother is it normal how she is being

Concerned - posted on 09/19/2013 ( 18 moms have responded )

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my was then partner asked if we could have a child in 2009 i was due to go to prison so i said no not till i was home as it will not be fair and i will not bond with my child .but i gave into her and she had my son a month after i was sent to prison i mist the first two years of his life which i considered to be the bonding years of his life .i was in prison for two years .my partner and her mother looked after my son for these two years .when i was released i moved in with my partner but her mum was there all the time along with my partners dad . this meant i was not able to bond with my child .it got to the stage were my partner said i was not been a dad to my son i explained that how could i be the dad to my son when grandma and granddad was always there and my son heather wanted them two or mummy which is only normal as i have not bonded with him . it kept getting worse .i said he needed his own bed and a bed time my partner said she could let him sleep in his own bed at the side of us cos she felt as tho if she fell asleep something would happen to him .she had to wash her hands in a certain way or something would happen to him.hes 4 years old now and its still the same she will not send him to school and his home schooling him ,she does not trust him with me or anyone else other than her mum and dad . if she goes out anywhere its her mum and dad that after look after him not me ,we have split up five weeks ago and she says she does not love me anymore .my brother took my son to the ice cream van to get ice cream and she followed, she does not trust her close friends or heather her brother or sister in law.she will not leave him with her parents over night . with him ,his all this normal or is there something wrong with her

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Jodi - posted on 09/20/2013

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She can't tell them you are not his dad. If she makes that a dispute, the court will order a DNA test and she will be caught out in her lie anyway.

Jen - posted on 09/20/2013

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To bond with your son, you need to get him away from his mother and his grandparents, and have an outing just the two of you. Take him to the park or to the movies. If she will not allow this, remind her that you are the boy's parent too, and you have a right as a parent to have access to your child. The courts will be on your side. There may be no way for you and her to get back together unless she gets psychiatric help. Focus on your child for now, and make sure that he knows that you love him and want to be a father to him. As he grows up, he will begin to understand the situation and he will appreciate how hard you fought to stay in his life.

Dove - posted on 09/20/2013

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That... I would have no idea. Maybe talk to a doctor or counselor about your concerns and they might be able to point you in the right direction.

Dove - posted on 09/19/2013

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Something that just occurred to me.... It's possible that she developed PPD after your son was born and never realized it and never got it treated. That could also cause the behaviors she is displaying.

Dove - posted on 09/19/2013

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Sounds like she has untreated anxiety. A lot of that sounds somewhat normal, but some of it sounds like OCD and/or anxiety.

I don't think you can fully blame anyone but yourself for not bonding w/ your son over the past 2 years though. He is your child and you have a right to be w/ him too unless you are unfit to care for him. Fight for your right to a relationship w/ your child.

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Diana - posted on 09/22/2013

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I don't know about uk so i suggest going to the court house they will answer all the questions you have for sure i wish you luck

Concerned - posted on 09/22/2013

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My time in prison maybe effects her behavior but not what I went to prison for .i truly believe she's got used to it just been her and her mum wile I was in prison . But she was so happy for me coming home and I think that she had it all planned in her head that it was all going to be super perfect me her and are boy all been happy together but her not letting me be with my son on my own bonding she was always there giving into him .

Concerned - posted on 09/22/2013

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Does this stand even tho I'm not on his birth cert due to her registering his birth wile I was in prison . Also does this stand in the uk thanks for your reply :)

Diana - posted on 09/21/2013

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If she says your bot the father they will irder dna and they will catch her in a lie also until court you have all the same rights that she has u can take your child wherever you want and you need to tell her but you legally don't need her permission

Danicia - posted on 09/21/2013

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i'm not asking for the info but i'm curious if your time in prison and whatever sent you there affects her behavior. she did raise the child for two years by herself. I am aware I am pretty protective of my daughter and at times I have a hard time allowing my husband (her daddy) step in after he's been gone for a couple (+/-) months for work trips. she needs to learn to trust you, yes. you need to work harder to prove that you can handle it on your own, whether through legal action or more time communicating with her.

Concerned - posted on 09/20/2013

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I have tried to have my son on my own today I got a text off my sons grandmother saying I can see my son at her house or her daughters house but she will be presant at the time . I know that to bond with my son I need time alone with him but how can I do this if she is not willing to let me . I've started the process of court . She as told me she will tell them I'm not his dad and she will move away

Concerned - posted on 09/20/2013

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Is it normal for her to have her mother there seven days a week sleeping every night when her mother should be next door but one with her husband

Concerned - posted on 09/20/2013

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Dove thanks for your reply . What your saying is exactly what I'm thinking but how do I help her if she won't talk to me

Concerned - posted on 09/19/2013

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It's hard to bond with my son as when I tried to bath him , change him , feed him or even play he wanted mum grandma or grandad and they gave him what he wanted rather than leave him to me . I have started the proses of mediation to gain access but I still love his mother and want to be with them both , I feel as there is something wrong with her as before my sone was born she was the most loving and caring person u could ever meet . In joyed been out with me and doing things now she's always in the house with her mum and my son .how can I get her to see someone . I have two boys from a past relationship that I have for days a week so she can clearly see I'm no unfit to care fore him . Thanks for your info

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