concerned and confused

Concerned - posted on 05/03/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )




I have been with my bf for a little over a year.
He has two kids outside our relationship who are a bit older then my 3year old daughter. For some reason.. It seems as tho he has taken quite a temper with her.. She acts out in stores and when she doesn't get her way. I get that. Terrible twos and terrifying threes.. But. He has slapped her in the mouth before for spitting.. And now slapped her in the mouth for sticking her tongue out. She's 3.. I know she can get out of hand but I feel if you really want to be helpful or raise her. Put her in the corner.. Talk to her firmly if you need to.. But slapping a child who isn't yours seems obsessive to me. Her father is still in her life but he spoils her so much that discipline seems to only come from my side. Should I be upset? Is he trying to help and I'm being sensitive? What's a better why to take? I'm concerned and confused..... Help!?!?!?


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Raye - posted on 05/04/2015




You are the parent of that child, and you should be the one disciplining her. No significant other should ever lay a hand on a child that is not their own. And no parent should slap their kid in the face. If he feels he has to slap a 3 y/o, then something's wrong with him.

You need to sit down with your BF and get on the same page with parenting. The SO should follow the natural parent's guidelines when helping raise the child. The SO should not contradict the NP in front of the child, but should be able to give suggestions or disagree with something *in private* where you can discuss it. The NP should carry out most punishments, with the SO to have limited ability to negate a situation while it's happening if the NP is not there (such as taking toys away or sending the child to their room). What he does with his own kids is his responsibility, but it would be helpful (if his kids are spending time at your house) to try to be fairly consistent with all the kids... and not hitting them is a good start.

Yesenia - posted on 05/03/2015




First you should in my opinion lay down the line of someone else hitting your daughter period your the mother and you have every right to discipline your child in the right manner not by hitting them but in a calm manner. Respect your child and don't let anyone hit her but also explain and set rules for her

Ev - posted on 05/03/2015




Just what Jodi said but a bit more: If he gets seen by someone in a store or public place and its called in, not only him, but you as well could be in trouble for the slapping the face. Him for doing that, you for allowing that. Also he is just the BF and so he has no say in her discipline. That comes from you or dad. And the guy is not a step dad either. He should be letting you deal with her. I would have a good old talk with him and lay it out on the table that either he quits the hitting or you will turn him in and your relationship is over. Your child is more important than he is and she should be protected.

NOTE: It is against the law where I live to hit, slap, or lay a hand on a child in a similar manner. It is also against the law to spank a child with an implement that can leave a mark or bruise on the child. Its all child abuse!

Jodi - posted on 05/03/2015




I'm sorry, but hitting a kid in the face, any kid, any age, is abuse. Never, EVER hit a kid around the head. Personally, I'm not into the whole spanking thing anyway, but even slapping a child in the mouth who IS yours is totally out of line. I'd be very, very concerned. I'd be reconsidering the relationship. This is not discipline.

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