Conflct of divoriced because of my Christian life

Britney - posted on 06/21/2014 ( 7 moms have responded )

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It's been almost 6years. A man I married when I was 21 both the same age.planned our two kids and bought a home. I saw him as someone who would always protect me and take care of me but I also saw he needed some changes but of course I thought I could love him out of them.
Smoking drinking cussing and rage I saw his heart and he wanted a family just like me. Problems started right away with drama and his mom and his jealousy with my family. Newly married and pregnant he works a lot a lot! Emotional abuse turned into me hitting him but there was his "form" of restraining me leaving bruises ad no way to handle a pregnant or not woman. The verbal abuse made me lash out and it continues until my second was born. This vicious pattern didn't go away. I threatens for divoriced and finallyseperated the beginning of 2013. The same reasons as always I felt trapped hurt and my kids were old enough to see it all the arguing and person I was - was not who I wanted to be for my kids. Within 3 months of hell and pain as my husband told me we'd get a divoriced cuz I left- I had a moment with God - Christian since I was 19 God showed me mercy and took off my blinders. He told me to take care of myself showed me how to love my husband and go home- cuz if we divoriced this was not the way to do it. And so I came home and have been dedicated to giving my every effort to put my husband before myself. Gods blessed me abundantly by giving me a life group I run for moms an kids and making me part of the steering team for moms of preschoolers. I work out and take care of myself and things are good in my marriage because my husband can no longer Hurt me anymore, God is my a strength.'bein human I still feel neglected as if my husband always misses the mark of connecting with me. I see much more in my life for myself and my kids but when directly facing my husband I feel my efforts running on hope and being "in love" is just a fantasy because my husband just does not put forth time in my marriage. I consider myself a stron Christ fal lower and just got baptized. ,I go to God with my impurfections because I lust after more in my life and now I'm starting to just look but lust after other men.he emotionally drains me instead of picking me up and I don't blame him I keep it all in so we don't argue and we get nowhere. I feel neglected and on two diff pages, this is nothing new and he sees it too. We've done tons of coinciding and wih our pastor and I just promise to never go back to that dark place the worst is over for us. I truley consider divorcing for the sake of my own sanity and kids, I'm very conflicted and would rather leave this home and start over just so I can be who I need to be for my kids and do gods work with my full potential. He's not a fallower of God but he. Says he is a Christian. I've accepted who is he all of it but does h accept me because we are suppose to be each others yokes and I'm tired of carrying the yoke for both of us.Any advice? Thank u

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Michelle - posted on 06/21/2014

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I'm sorry but why don't you deserve to be happy? Feeling trapped in a relationship isn't healthy for anyone.
A marriage is a partnership and both people need to want to make it work. Why did YOU have to change to go back to him?
Some people aren't good for each other. It doesn't mean they aren't good people but together they don't work. Maybe this is true of you and your husband. I would be leaving for the happiness of your children and your own self esteem.
You should also get yourself some counselling (not from your pastor, with someone not involved with your church) so you can see that life is meant to be enjoyed. If you stay in your marriage you are going to have a very miserable life and no one deserves that.

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Britney - posted on 07/02/2014

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I'm getting a divorice it's in progress!!! I found evidence and have a legit way out praise God I am so stoked to have my freedom and get stability for my kids!!! Thank u Michelle for being there when I needed to share something so important to me, may God bless you

Britney - posted on 06/25/2014

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I understand. I can honesty say that when I went through my seperation I already grieved the lost of my marriage and felt the pain of my children. It's very different this time because I'm actually feeling at peace and more excited for what there is to come. As these days go by I feel happier, however since we are living together right now I look forward to a meeting with my therapist, thank u

Michelle - posted on 06/25/2014

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I should have left my ex husband 2 years before I actually did. I had in my mind that I was going to take my marriage vows seriously and I wasn't going to give in easily. Unfortunately it didn't work out and for the last year of our marriage all we did was argue every day. He refused to go to counselling and I just had to get out for my own sanity.
That was 9 years ago now and I still struggle with the after effects of the emotional and mental abuse he put me through. Luckily my current husband is a wonderful man and understands when I question him over certain things or snap at him.

Britney - posted on 06/24/2014

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Thanks for sharing your story I agree , the most important thig to me is being a role model for my kids and being a relationship that models that's it's true, what u posted was the first time I'm looking at my own words an seeing te reality. Did you feel like you ignored The signs to get out? I'm getting very clear answers not to ignore the signs this time. I've grown and feel prepared to live my life- it's just taking those steps, in 3weeks I plan to see a therapist to help me take te steps- it seems like a dream right now, I just keep trusting in a better life an today I had so many signs of confirmation that I'll be taken care of, it's all lining up- it's sad

Michelle - posted on 06/22/2014

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I don't believe you should be married to the wrong person forever.
I am onto my 2nd marriage but when I married my ex husband I thought it would be for ever as well. I took my marriage vows seriously but unfortunately he didn't. I stayed in that horrible marriage for 7 years and had 2 children. It wasn't until I left and decided that my life would be for my children that I became happy and so did the children.
I had completely given up on meeting someone else when my husband came into my life just at the right time. I also had to have the horrible marriage to really appreciate my husband and the wonderful man he is. I never take his love for granted but he tells me many times a day that he loves me and I know we will be together forever.
My Grandmother was the one to convince me that staying in a marriage for the children is actually worse for the children. Her parents did that and she said it was a very unhappy house to grow up in. As soon as the last child left her parents divorced and were so much happier.
There is a saying that goes a happy Mother makes for happy children and it's true. The children know that you aren't happy and they tend to think it's their fault, no matter how man times you say it isn't.

Britney - posted on 06/22/2014

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Thank u for taking the time to read my post and responding. It sounds typical but after seeing my kids go through what they did made me want to fight for our marriage.and it's true about my character changed I feel as though things are better then they have been but my own personal needs don't get met. He can be good at apologizing now but sorry obviously doesn't fix anything, I do feel more grown with myself and who I am and so early I fear we've grown apart. I am a happy strong person with lots of support in my life it throws me off not having my partner be in the same boat lifting me up I get marriage is forever and it's the first time I've announced I don't see myself happy forever won't him,Religion does confuse me because I see so much mor when I'm alone and yes I agree about counseling was thinking about that today thanks you

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