Britney - posted on 06/21/2014 ( 7 moms have responded )
It's been almost 6years. A man I married when I was 21 both the same age.planned our two kids and bought a home. I saw him as someone who would always protect me and take care of me but I also saw he needed some changes but of course I thought I could love him out of them.
Smoking drinking cussing and rage I saw his heart and he wanted a family just like me. Problems started right away with drama and his mom and his jealousy with my family. Newly married and pregnant he works a lot a lot! Emotional abuse turned into me hitting him but there was his "form" of restraining me leaving bruises ad no way to handle a pregnant or not woman. The verbal abuse made me lash out and it continues until my second was born. This vicious pattern didn't go away. I threatens for divoriced and finallyseperated the beginning of 2013. The same reasons as always I felt trapped hurt and my kids were old enough to see it all the arguing and person I was - was not who I wanted to be for my kids. Within 3 months of hell and pain as my husband told me we'd get a divoriced cuz I left- I had a moment with God - Christian since I was 19 God showed me mercy and took off my blinders. He told me to take care of myself showed me how to love my husband and go home- cuz if we divoriced this was not the way to do it. And so I came home and have been dedicated to giving my every effort to put my husband before myself. Gods blessed me abundantly by giving me a life group I run for moms an kids and making me part of the steering team for moms of preschoolers. I work out and take care of myself and things are good in my marriage because my husband can no longer Hurt me anymore, God is my a strength.'bein human I still feel neglected as if my husband always misses the mark of connecting with me. I see much more in my life for myself and my kids but when directly facing my husband I feel my efforts running on hope and being "in love" is just a fantasy because my husband just does not put forth time in my marriage. I consider myself a stron Christ fal lower and just got baptized. ,I go to God with my impurfections because I lust after more in my life and now I'm starting to just look but lust after other men.he emotionally drains me instead of picking me up and I don't blame him I keep it all in so we don't argue and we get nowhere. I feel neglected and on two diff pages, this is nothing new and he sees it too. We've done tons of coinciding and wih our pastor and I just promise to never go back to that dark place the worst is over for us. I truley consider divorcing for the sake of my own sanity and kids, I'm very conflicted and would rather leave this home and start over just so I can be who I need to be for my kids and do gods work with my full potential. He's not a fallower of God but he. Says he is a Christian. I've accepted who is he all of it but does h accept me because we are suppose to be each others yokes and I'm tired of carrying the yoke for both of us.Any advice? Thank u