conflicted

Becky - posted on 04/11/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Ok, my 20 yr old daughter tracked down her birth father. He seems excited and him and I have spoken by text a few times since. Now he left me when I was 6 months pregnant and only held his daughter once for about 5 minutes when she was 1 week old. I'm torn on my feelings because we'll that was old baggage I though was long and dealt with and I want whatever my daughter wants. At the same time it's my job to guide and protect her from those who could do her harm. She is going to see him next month, he is coming here to see her. I'm trying to be the bigger person full of grace but it's hard to cause there are a lot of painful and hurtful times and memories that surface. He has apologized to me for leaving and never attempting to reach out to me. Has anyone experienced this? How did you all handle it? I'm not going to prevent the meeting cause well she is an adult but she is still my baby no matter her age. I'm just looking for some advice. Also I didn't raise her alone. I got married to a man I met when she was just 3 months old. He raised her as his own and they had a great father daughter relationship up until he and I divorced at which point he dumped her as well. So both men in her life failed her. I'm fearing that her birth father will just walk out again and want to prepare for the worst as I already expect nothing from him. Anyway thanks for your advice in advance. Trolls need not apply thanks

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Michelle - posted on 04/11/2015

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I think it's a bit harsh to assume her Father will walk out of her life again. 20 years has gone by so he's probably grown up a bit. Give them a chance to have a relationship.
My suggestion is to let them be, don't try and prepare her for the worse as all that will do is put doubt in her mind and she won't be able to have a proper relationship with him.

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