Conflicted Mother & Fiancé

Amanda - posted on 02/20/2016 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I have been in a wonderful loving relationship for about the last two years. Prior to this I was married to an alcoholic and have come to know the world of an unhealthy relationship. So I am now 25 and am divorced and have a wonderful, amazing son from that marriage. He will be 5 in May. My ex-husband and I get along great now. We, of course, have our ups and downs but now since I do not have to live with an alcoholic makes my life and my sons life a lot better, as you can imagine. Moving forward to current day, I am engaged to a fantastic man who my son adores. My sons biological father does not always stick to his word about spending time with our son and my fiancé has been there to gladly pick up the pieces. He is exactly what my son and I need and love. My fiancé has three kids from two prior relationships. Needless to say, he hasn't always made the best decisions but hey neither have I. His ex-wife and mother of his two youngest is not easy to get along with and creates reasons for my fiancé not to have his kids on his times (yes we have been to court the bills could show that thousands of dollars over with no avail). Their son they have together has autism and about a year ago there was a sexual incident that occurred during nap time in our home between his son (age 4 at the time and my son age 4 at the time). My son does not have special needs and has never displayed inappropriate behaviors in school, in daycare, at home, etc.... But his son has gotten removed from two daycares and a school because he was doing these inappropriate acts on other children. Since then my fiancé's ex wife has called my son a pediphole and blames him. She has also shouted this in front of my fiancé's children as well as other inappropriate things that have said occurred. I am unsure of what happened and the amount of guilt as a mother kills me. My son has gone through everything needed at CPS to ensure no adults were harming him, etc... And they chalked it up to children being curious. What I want to know from other moms is this.... Would you leave? I love this man to death and he loves my son as if he were his biological father but I cannot get over the fact that this happened. I am sickened every time his children are here and always arrange for other things for my son to do when they are here to ensure he doesn't have to see them. It is apparent from his ex wife that she will openly suggest to her children that my son is a monster so is it safe for him to even ever be around? No one understands me and I am struggling. If I stay I fear Marshal will not be happy but if I leave I know 100% he would be devastated because he worships the grounds my fiancé walks on and loves him so much. Please help.

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Amanda - posted on 02/21/2016

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MaryAnn,
Is it terrible that the thought of his children being my step children makes me cringe? We only get them maybe every other weekend and CPS is finally starting to see that his ex wife has an unhealthy attachment to the kids but I don't even want to see them. I have found articles where other step mothers feel the same way and I am filled with guilt about it. They have chalked up his son being kicked out of schools and daycares due to his disability and whatever may or may not have happened. Fingers cannot be pointed at either child as they are both the same age and sexual exploration is normal. I am also pregnant and due in the next few weeks and fear that having his kids around them will negatively effect them. I mean, in reality, can I keep them separated forever? I appreciate your words of advice which is why I'm seeking more.
Thank you again!

MaryAnn - posted on 02/21/2016

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First things first. You're doing a wonderful job protecting your son.
Now on to advice. Why ruin a good thing? Your son is being protected. Is there any way that changeovers could be done with a trusted friend/relative present or at a police/fire station so that the mother will be either on better behaviour or held accountable?
In regards to your future stepson, i would suggest making an anonymous tip to cps. Be sure to include information on not only his mother, but father also. Upon investigation, if hes been kicked out of daycares etc, and they can find evidence that there has been so much trouble, further action will be taken.

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