confused mum, needs help and advice

Cherie - posted on 10/24/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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i have 4 children (ages 16,13,9,6) I am married to the youngest 2's dad happily for last 9 yrs. both my eldest call my husband dad.

My son has a good relationship with his biological dad, but he rules by fear and my son felt he HAD to go and told me if he missed a weekend he would have a big lecture about he missed his time etc. His dad had open access, every weekend, days here and there etc.

We recently moved house and things are so tight we cannot afford to carpet or decorate,and we had a holiday to finish paying for that had been booked the previous year before things got bad. So as you can imagine im a little down cause i want the best for my family.

I has a stupid argument with my son back in July, that now haunts me forever! over washing up of all things. i was finding things increasingly difficult and he wasn't pulling his weight i told him if he didn't like it door was over there. anyway we ended up in his bedroom(its down stairs) and i packed a row of t shirts in a bag and then ran upstairs in floods of tears.

when i came down my son had gone!!! husband told me to leave him to calm down he'd be in touch. His dad rang me 3 days later asking what had gone on and said my son was refusing to come home and he wasn't going to force him. its now been 13 weeks and my son is still there, we only communicate by blackberry messenger usually, i have seen him odd bit here or there but its amounts to only 4 days in total. Recently his Grt Grandad passed away, (funeral is Thursday) but everyday he is made to go to his grt grans house as i read it on his status's, its how i manage to know what he's up to tbh.

I asked him to come see us as its the Half term holidays. he said il come Tues about 4.30pm but my daughter goes to karate so i wouldn't be here. I said why don't you come and stay over then that way i get to see you. Firstly he said its my dads birthday Wednesday though, i said yes he can still see you just get picked up in the afternoon. Ten minutes later i got a message back saying Can't sleep. I asked why? he said got to go gran's house for funeral stuff! i am very sympathetic with death but he doesn't need to be there everyday. I just said ask your dad if you can please, i need to see you besides they will get more done without you there wnt they plus your brother n sisters would love to see you.

he just said Can't! speak to my dad.

His dad makes excused not to meet with me and in the 13 weeks he'd been gone he's not been very sympathetic to me , telling me my son doesn't want to see me , speak to me etc.

It was a stupid argument but im worried by things my son says hes controlled worse than ever.

If he would have still been at home his dad would have had the equivellant of 40 days plus access by now , i haven't even had a week :( im losing my sanity and my son. I spend all day and night crying my heart out im so lost i don't know what to do.

I can't take it to court as due to his age they wont enforce visitation.

I want my son back i've been here al his life and now im being treated like i'm nothing.

i shot myself in the foot giving his dad parental responsibility back in 2009, its 3 ways with myself and my husband also having the rights.

My ex's new partner keeps putting stuff on facebook telling the world everything down to football scores for his team, what they do each weekend and stupid photos titled my family!! er wrong he's my frickin son!!!!!!!!! i feel so alone. My husband things i should just leave him to make his bed so to speak but i love him and want him home. im so lost i don't know what to do..please help?? x

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Cherie - posted on 10/24/2012

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i should add my son stayed at my house the night before our holiday but woke up in the morning and all he said was i can't come mum, what's my dad gonna say? i questioned this and said you dad said he was fine its been booked for ages! he didn't come on a 2 week all inclusive aqualand holiday :(

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