Confused ? Right or Wrong ?

May - posted on 02/03/2010 ( 22 moms have responded )

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My eldest Son always ask for presents when ever he makes good grades in his school.The problem i always do give it to him whatever he wants.But my friends says i'm wrong about it,'cause it's not good to always give to him.I'm confuse about it ? Help

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Sharon - posted on 02/03/2010

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This is what I tell my kids.



I have a job. I get paid every two weeks for doing a good job. If I don't do a good a job, they'll cut my hours and possibly I'll get fired.



School is their job. If they get a good progress report they can have a small toy or wait till report cards come out and if they have good grades they get paid by the letters. If they take cash they get $$ amount. If they let me invest it they get double that amount. If they take half in cash and let me invest half, I'll double the invested portion.

[deleted account]

My ex husband did what you are doing, with our son, and now I struggle with our son because he seems to have the idea that he shouldn't have to do anything unless he sees an immediate benefit, like a gift. Rewards should only be given for behaviors that go above and beyond expectations. When you give material or monetary rewards for behaviors that are expected of a child they begin to only think about time in the short term. They will also begin to approach life with an attitude of "whats in it for me?" This attitude will then be carried through adulthood and will negatively impact every decision they make. Getting good grades has a very real reward in itself. That reward is intellegence. To add presents to this reward does not encourage the child, it only distracts them from the reward thats already there. I want my children to focus on lifes real rewards, not money or material things, that is why I do not give presents for expected behaviors. When my children are adults, I want them to do their best just because they can, it makes them feel good about themselves, and it's the right thing to do, not because they want money or things.

Lise - posted on 02/03/2010

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i think it is good to reward him if his grades are good,maybe you should think of opening up a bank acc for him and tell him for every good grade you will put a certain amount of money in his account(R20/R50)ect and then when he has enough money seeing he earned it,go with him to the shops to buy that what he wants,but dont let him intimidate you into contrubuting more money if he wants something more exspensive than what he can afford!

User - posted on 02/03/2010

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I think it is fine to reward at times but maybe just at reprt card time if it is good . Going to school is his job and it is his job to do well at it just as it is your job to be a good mother and a provider for the family. Praising him for random tests should be enough reward.

Amanda - posted on 02/03/2010

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Why not? If you do well at your job do you not get a raise or promotion? That is the way the world works the rest of his life, if he works hard, and does well he will be rewarded. School is his only job right now, so reward away!

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Nikki - posted on 04/26/2011

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Some would think that the good grades are enough reward. I don't think that it is wrong to reward hard work but I do think that a wrong message can be sent if you simply give your son whatever he wants whenever he wants it. Real llife doesn't work like that. There are times in your life you either have to wait for what you want or other times whan for what ever reson you simply don't get it at all. I think it is better to teach that now. Also it is just rude to ask for presents even if you are his mom.

Jeannette - posted on 04/17/2011

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once or twice a year with great report cards is fine, i take my kids to a amusement park for their mid year accomplishments and at the end of the year either a season pass or the money equivelent of into their savings accounts, their choice as for presents i encourage my children to clean up after themselves and to give me a helping hand with things that are within their abilities and that combined with good behaviour every week we go out for a days activities, picnic, park, swimming, movies, etc something they enjoy then once every say 3 months i will either surprise them with a present or get them a gift card to take shopping as their reward i have found that if you let you child tell you what they want and get it for them they don't appreciate it, they keep asking for more and they become materialistic, it also becomes an issue when they get to the age where they need to take responsibility for their actions, when given the opportunity to grow they will.

Robin - posted on 02/09/2010

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I raised three children and I feel rewarding your children for something they should be doing isn't right. I have always praised their good behavior and offered smaller rewards such as picking what they want for dinner or getting to choose a movie or tv show to watch. This singles them out and makes them feel special but doesn't hurt your budget or make the other siblings feel bad because their brother got a present and they didn't.

Sally - posted on 02/09/2010

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To the mums who say they pay their kids according to grades - what if your child is not an academic kid? What happens if you have 2 kids - one is a natural academic achiever and gets good grades without really having to try, and the other tries hard but struggles to pass?

[deleted account]

When I was a kid I got paid for A's and B's and had to pay for D's and F's. It worked for a while, but then I quit caring. I was smart, but had no internal motivation. I barely passed 10th grade and dropped out after that.

I don't/won't pay for good grades. It might work great for some kids, but since I know it didn't work for me it's not something that I will do.

Y - posted on 02/06/2010

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when my daughter got good grades on a test, a simple word "Good job" will be enough, she knows that we are proud of her. If she got "A" on report card she get $5 bucks! This time we challenge her, $20 each "A", if she can have all "A's". And of course we open an account for her to save. She got her weekly allowance too and thats what she use if she wants to buy something, when we go to mall, thats her money to use for eating out, watch a movie, etc.

[deleted account]

Reward is good but he should also learn to dowhat he needs to do because he needs to do it not just because he will be rewarded (just my opinion as he may struggle later when he simply has to do something because its expected - no boss rewards that everytime) Maybe cut back a little and only reward when he goes above and beyond what he usually does? Although if you are happy doing it this way then keep on doing it...everyone has a different way of doing things :)

Antana - posted on 02/03/2010

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It is very encouraging to give them presents when they have done good. If its been working for you and he is doing well then i dont see why you should stop. there is no right or wrong raising a child. You just do what you can and hope for the best.
Your friends may have another veiw. Giving presents is nice but a hug and a kiss or some milkshake, time at the park could be a good prize too.
They may worry about everything coming down to material things, which what love is not all about.
In the near but very far future in the real world away from mum there are no presents for good work all the time.
i hope that this has made sense to you.

[deleted account]

My parents always bought me a book on a topic that interested me to reward me for good grades. My favorite was a nature book. Its not a toy, but it encourages the love of knowledge and its a reward. It worked for me, so maybe it will work for your son too

Eka - posted on 02/03/2010

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what you should do is to talk to him let him know about what is the good and the bad thing when we do not have money.it better we safe it...

Lucie - posted on 02/03/2010

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I would keep rewarding him for his good work, but not always by buying him something new. Maybe you can cook his favourite dinner, he can can chose a special activity to do at the weekend? That way he is still rewarded, but he is also learning that treats or presents aren't only about a new toy/game, but spending quailty time doing fun activities as well.

Pauline Wighton-pender - posted on 02/03/2010

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I think you are right to reward good behaviour but it may not always be possible to buy him what he wants all the time so maybe you could try rewarding him in other ways, you could take him to the park or let him do an activity that he likes but maybe you don't always have time for.

Sally - posted on 02/03/2010

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Your son needs to learn to get good grades for his own feeling of satisfaction and in preparation for his future, not for the extrinsic reward of getting a present. Praise and encouragement is great and will help him develop that sense of pride in himself. Giving him a present each time takes away his feeling of satisfaction about achieving good grades, and makes his feeling of satisfaction about the fact that he has got a new toy (or whatever). A nice family dinner to celebrate his achievements might be a nice idea (although make sure any other children you may have are also celebrated for their achievements as well, even though they may not be academic).



If you give him whatever he wants, what happens when his demands get bigger and bigger? Today he might want a toy - what about when he demands that you give him a car? A house? At some point you are going to have to say no to him!



You're not doing him or yourself any favours by making him believe you will always give him everything he wants.

Amy - posted on 02/03/2010

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you know your son better than anyone else....if giving him a small present gives him the encouragement to get good grades then stick with it.

im sure you would rather earn his rewards and get good grades at the same time, than tell him no and he stop paying attention at school. hope that helps.xxxx

Debbie - posted on 02/03/2010

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keep it up always reward the good and reject the bad.whenever my son got good grades i would treat him that way they are more likely to try harder.it also teaches him that to get what u want outta life u have to work hard. dont worry about your friend she probably jealous cos her son not doing so good or not got money to buy rewards.

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