Confused, upset and thinking of giving up...

Meg - posted on 01/04/2011 ( 31 moms have responded )

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Hi ladies, I am here to have a vent and to see if any other women are or have gone through a similiar situation...

I miscarried on the 18/10/10 and had a D&C procedure the day after, my partner and I decided to not give up hope and continue to have unprotected sex, and whatever happens will happen... I had a normal cycle on the 18/11/10 and much to my excitement and shock, we found out we were again pregnant on the 16/12/10. YAY - So so excited on this day!!!



We decided not to tell anyone as we didnt want to jinx ourselves, so it was our little slice of hapiness that we shared in our alone time.

But much to our heartache we bellieve we have miscarried again... I had SEVERE pains on the 29th Dec, was given a scan and told it was too early in the pregnancy to see anything... So have been booked in for another scan on the 12/01/2011.

I have a brown discharge (same as last miscarriage), cramping (same as last time - But not as severe, it comes and goes) but this time I have realy bad morning sickness, I am extremely tired and my boobs are sore and growing very quickly...

Has anyone got any advice on what could be happening, I am 7 weeks today.. And has anyone been through this before??



I feel like a failure, and just dont know what to think or what to do, I dont think i can go through this pain and hurt again, nothing is worse than losig a child... Any advice would be really appreciated!

Thanks so much for your time

:-)

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Firebird - posted on 01/04/2011

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First I'd like to wish you luck on your current pregnancy, and I hope you haven't miscarried.

If there's one thing I've learned about life, it's this: You only truly fail, when you give up. My best friend had 8 miscarriages (I'd known her through 6 of them) and now she and her husband finally have a beautiful one year old daughter.

She told me after her 6th that she felt the only thing that was worse than losing all those pregnancies, was the thought of giving up and never again trying to have a baby. They had even started looking into adoption or surrogates, that's how far they were from giving up. They were going to have a baby, one way, shape or form.

If you think you need it, it may be a good idea to look into counseling to help you cope, maybe there's a support group in your area. I'm certain there's a number of communities on CoM regarding miscarriage that can offer you oodles of support and encouragement. I hope this last bit doesn't come across the wrong way, I'm only trying to offer encouragement, but this is some advice I was given years ago.... if you want something badly enough, nothing will stop you. If you give up, you didn't want it as much as you thought you did.

Mrs. - posted on 01/07/2011

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I had brown blood and cramping too. I did not have a miscarriage. It's just what my body did.

As my mother often says, don't borrow trouble from tomorrow. You don't know yet and even if it is...if it is something you really want, you'll make it happen eventually.

Relax and lean on your man. It's good practice for when you have your baby...which I'm sure you will this time or when the time is right.

Jackie - posted on 01/05/2011

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If you're boobs still hurt and it's not bright red blood, there is a very good chance you're not miscarrying. I don't mean to get your hopes but that's just my opinion. If you are though just try try again. It happens and it's fairly common. Not that it makes the pain in more bare-able cause I know, it's sucks to the 10th degree! But hang in there, take it easy and try not to stress your self out because it doesn't help the situation. Good Luck and keep us posted!

31 Comments

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Rachel - posted on 01/17/2011

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If you're having morning sickness and your breasts are becoming engorged, those are pretty good signs. I spotted with both my pregnancies and they put me on progesterone just in case. Don't know if you're on that or if your dr. would recommend it.

Elle - posted on 01/17/2011

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unfortunately this is not uncommon. after my third miscarriage at the 6 week mark i decided i was notgoing to do any more pregnancy tests until the 12th week. instead i took the prenatal vitamins, ate well and throughout my calendar so i couldnt keep track of my periods. a year later i gave birth to a healthy baby. of course my docs were REALLY upset taht i could not give them a 'date of last period' .

Kathy - posted on 01/15/2011

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You are not a failure. A miscarriage is caused when there is a problem with a fertilized egg. You are most likely cramping and spotting from the embryo implanting in your uterus. This is normal. Try to stay relaxed. Your body is experiencing other symptoms of pregnancy. That is a positive sign that all is going well this time around. Stay positive. I also spotted and cramped with both of my pregnancies. Until your doctor appointment to confirm all is good, you can take home pregnancy tests to confirm you are still pregnant. Or you can relax, take your vitamins, stay healthy, and put everything in the hands of fate. Good luck!

Heather - posted on 01/15/2011

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I know how you feel but you are not a failure. I had my son my first child with no problem when we decided to have our second child I got pregnant with twins and miscarried at 10 weeks 5 months later I got pregnant and miscarried at 11 weeks although the baby had passed away at 6 weeks.Then 2 months later I got pregnant again and had a healthy girl. Then we decided to have another child 3 and a half years later and had another healthy little girl. So don't ever give up and remember you still maybe pregnant hope for the best. God bless.

Ashley - posted on 01/15/2011

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Don't give up on yourself or trying to have a baby. It is the most precious gift you will ever receive, and shouldnt pass it up. It could be a threatened abortion. Ill explain, but first, my story. I got preg at 19 and had my first child. I had placenta previa (not exactly relevant), my second pregnancy I miscarried and fell into a depression. The third time I got preg I though I had a miscarriage and rushed to the hospital. I had all the same symptoms, but the pain was worse than before. They said it was a "threatened abortion" which is basically "threatened miscarriage". Your body's way of saying "you are pregnant, slow down and take it easy" I also had complications with that pregnancy, placenta abruption (also not relevant) I have 2 beautiful girls, Holly 3, and Riley 1 1/2.

That may not be the case for you, but anyway. I wish you the best of luck

My advise is don't give up. Take vitamins and do yoga everyday or night. Yoga is helpful, before during and after I promise.
It would be wise for your bf or hubby to get himself checked as well. Sp*rm count and such. It is also rare but possible that you two may not match up to actually conceive or carry to term. just a few things worth checking out before you spend thousands upon thousands for all the fertilization things, if that would ever become an option.
Also, find an OBGYN you are comfortable with if you dont already have one. They know more than any of us I'm sure. Let me know how things go.
Yet again, Good luck

Farida - posted on 01/15/2011

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sweetheart do not give up. I will keep u in my prayers and hopefully u haven't miscarried.

Rosheena - posted on 01/13/2011

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It is my hope that you are still pregnant. Don't give up. But like another mother said that if you have miscarried, give your body a break to recover before you try again. Life is long, pace yourself. Peace

Peggy - posted on 01/10/2011

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Yes, I have Gone through the sam thing! But to my amazement I was pregnant and the cramping and bleeding went on for a few months! My Dr. thought it was a twin or just the way my body worked. Anyway, that was my first daughter and I had a misscariage after her. I did have two more daughters after and nothing like that happened with them! Good luck and as long as your boobs are hurting and having morning sickness I think your safe to call yourself pregnant. Have you taken a pregnancy test in the last few days?

Teresa - posted on 01/10/2011

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Yes, you do feel like you are broken and your body betraying you. Those are normal feelings. I felt them after both of my miscarriages. You, of course, are NOT a failure. Your partner also has many different feelings. My husband is not willing to risk my health again. (My last miscarriage almost killed me.) It is also difficult to be patient. Try to be hopeful. But, I would also like to encourage you & your partner to consider adoption. ♥

Maria - posted on 01/09/2011

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Hi Meg
Ive lost my little girl on six months and felt just like you as if it was my fault. And then hubby refuse and said thats it the next one we adobt. So in 2010 we started with adoption papers and then by february i got very sick and did the pregnancy test and negative it got so bad that i just wanted to sleep all the time, decided then to go to the doctor and to our surprise we were 6 weeks pregnant. And then the fear started, am i gonna carry full , i was so scared on 2 months there it was the discharged and i was petrofied. It ended up the my placenta was lying at the bottom of my womb and caused the bleeding. I had cramps like crazy and then realised that the iron tablets the doc prescribed is causing it and went over to Vital. And it changed and after that there was no more cramps no more morning sickness, things got better.
You just got to be strong and be positive.
Our little angel was taken from us early because i believe that our Father in Heaven needed her more. But now i got a healthy little boy.
Take Care.

Jessie - posted on 01/09/2011

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I hate to even comment as I have not experienced this heartbreak yet. I have every fear it will happen, it seems so prevalent in my family but maybe it is in every family and just not talked about. Please do not give up hope though, whatever happens. My mom had me, my brother, and two miscarriages before having my little sister. She actually went to have her tubes tied because she didn't want to risk another miscarriage and heartache and found out she was pregnant with my sister. My aunt lost four babies (one preg was twins) then they adopted 9 month old b/g twins from India, Kyle and Cecilia. shortly thereafter she was pregnant and had my cousin Grant. My other aunt has lost more than I even know (at least 5) and had my cousing emily and twins grace and joseph. I know this sounds sorta discouraging, but I mean to show you that it will happen for you and it will be wonderful. good luck sweetie, keep your head up !

Tyrae - posted on 01/09/2011

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I feel your pain I went through 2 miscarriages in a year before having my beautiful daughter. Whatever you do don't give up, I know its hard and the worst pain in the world, but when you do end up having a baby in your arms you'll love them all the more for it.

I was told after my first miscarriage to wait 6 months before trying again so that my body could heal, but when I got pregnant and than lost it again I didn't care and didn't wait the 6 months again. It was my last month of trying before taking a couple years off when I found out I was pregnant again with my daughter. Don't give up hope, and never ever think you are a failure (trust me I know it is extremely hard not to think that).

By the sounds of it you are most likely still pregnant, you wouldn't still have the symptoms if the baby was no longer growing. The baby could just be hiding up in the upper areas of your uterus, I know a couple people who were told they had lost the baby because they couldn't find it right away on the u/s but than later found the heartbeat hidden up really high in the uterus :)

Amanda - posted on 01/09/2011

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I have never miscarried but don't give up!! You are NOT a failure as many have told you. My husband's aunt tried for 10 yrs before she ever had a child so there IS hope...Just keep your head up and let your family and God help you through this...i wish you the best.

[deleted account]

Again, you aren't a failure!
I have never miscarried, though my mother and SIL did. I understand your pain, as it is a fear that I constantly share. I can attest for one friend who was told she had lost her baby. She had bleeding and everything, went in to the doctor to get a scan, and they told her, "I'm sorry, there is no sign of a pregnancy." She now has a beautiful 6 month old little girl! A friend of mine also told me that her grandmother had bleeding throughout her entire pregnancy.
Just relax, as stress can only worsen the situation. Every woman is different, every pregnancy is different. Don't start worrying until after your check up, because only then will you know for sure.
Good luck, I send my prayers:)

Anna - posted on 01/08/2011

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What you're describing sounds less like a miscarriage and more like implantation spotting. Some women experience this when the embryo implants to the uterine wall. I also had really bad cramping early on in my pregnancy and was really concerned (I had visions of ectopic pregnancy and disaster), but my doctor explained that, especially with it being my first pregnancy, my body was just getting loose and ready for the growing baby. I think this is more likely what you're experiencing due to your other symptoms (especially the sore boobs, man is that ever an indicator of pregnancy). Definitely keep an eye on yourself and your symptoms, but try and relax a bit.

And certainly don't call yourself a failure for the miscarriage. Nature is fickle and cruel sometimes, but that is certainly no fault of your own. Best of luck to you and I hope everything goes wonderfully.

[deleted account]

Meg, I just want to reiterate what everyone else has said - you are not a failure. I've never miscarried, but have a daughter who did, so I know (though only second-hand) the pain and confusion you're in. Stay close together, keep loving each other and comfort each other. I hope you haven't lost this pregnancy - the signs seem positive, but, if not, try again - never give up.
Sending positive thoughts.

Christi - posted on 01/07/2011

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YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. And to make you feel better, I went through this my first pregnancy. We were using protection (lots and lots) and I was told I was infertile. After passing out one evening and hitting my head pretty hard, my then bf took me to the emergency room and we found out I was about 5 weeks along. At 7 weeks I started cramping and bleeding. They too thought it might be a miscarriage, but much to our suprise it wasn't. My placenta had torn a little when I had fallen and it was just the blood that was passing. Don't get too worried just yet. Morning sickness and boobies growing is a good sign. My doctor told me that morning sickness means a healthy baby, and that proved true. I was sick from the time I woke up till the time I went to bed my entire pregnancy and my son was born a month premature, but he was a champ and needed no oxygen and is now bigger than almost all kiddos his age. I would take it easy, get alot of rest and keep your feet propped up.

Michelle - posted on 01/07/2011

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It is quite possible that you were carrying twins and only one has miscarried this happened to a friend of mine and the other one is now healthy 13 year old boy so I truly hope you have not miscarried and it is just one of those pregnancies where you have to take it easy good luck to you and don't give up. My other friend miscarried 4 times before getting her beautiful little girl every baby she miscarried was a boy so they figure she just can't carry boys..

Tina - posted on 01/07/2011

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it may only be a water infection,,this can corse crampy feelings and blooded discharge i was bleeding badly from 20 weeks and was kept in hospital untill a had my baby at 34weeks so please dont ,,dont loose hope untill u have had your scan. u do hav sore boobs and sickness and tierd all the things u do get in the first few months of active pregnecey ,,stess will not help ur baby tho take care and try to be hopefull let us know how u get on ??

Alecia - posted on 01/05/2011

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i had a miscarriage about a month ago when i was 7.5 weeks along. i already have a 15 mnth old daughter and my hubby and i are not "trying" but seeing what happens. i started getting morning sickness and had it for about a week and half. it stopped and then 2 days later i had severe cramping and bleeding. lasted about 4-5 days and was done. i was sad, but we had only just discovered i was pregnant when the morning sickness started, so luckily we werent too attached to it yet :\ i think if ur sypmtoms of pregnancy continue then u are prbly still pregnant. just hang on and hope for the best. good luck and God Bless!

Katherine - posted on 01/05/2011

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I miscarried before and it was bright red blood. I bled with both of my daughters. I was light bleeding and dark brown Usually if it's dark brown it's old blood. Cramping (a little) is normal too. I hate when they make you wait until the 12th week to get an ultra sound or anything.
Good luck and congrats!

Loveleen - posted on 01/05/2011

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Hi Meg . . . I am a mother of a 3yr old but honestly i dont think i can advice you medically . . .but keep your faith in God. I really pray from the bottom of my heart that your wishes are fulfilled this time. God bless . . .

Dora - posted on 01/05/2011

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I am so sorry for what you have been through. My heart goes out to you and your partner. I wouldn't give up hope. Hang in there. It sounds like this baby may be sticking around. The morning sickness, sore breasts and fatigue are all really good signs. The brown discharge can go either way. For me the brown discharge was a good sign. For my girlfriend sadly to say it was not a good sign. Just hang in there and see what the doctor says on 1/12/11. Good luck and I really hope everything works out for the best.

Laura - posted on 01/05/2011

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First and formost--you are NOT a failure! So many processes and functions have to be just right for a fertilized egg to become a zygote to proceed to becoming a fetus to finally a baby being born that it is actually quite amazing that women can have babies at all! Some studies indicate that up to 70% of fertilized eggs never implant to develop into zygotes/fetuses. Miscarriages are a natural biological/physiological response of your body, unfortunately, to something it deems isn't quite right.

I had one known miscarriage and I suspect 2 after that (late periods that were "crampier" than normal) before I became pregnant with my daughter. Statistics indicate that somewhere between 20 and 31% of women miscarry in the first trimester before successfully having a baby. I was one of those women. When I did finally get pregnant, I was in much better health then, and I'm sure my body recognized that conditions were better suited to the process of having a baby. My sister also had a miscarriage; she was one of the 2 -5% who miscarry after having a first child. She went on to have another baby--my nephew.

The point of all of this isto show that what you are going through, painful though it may be, is NOT uncommon and that eventually you can succeed! The best advice there is is to keep your body healthy (fresh foods, modest excercise) and try to relax. Stressing over becoming pregnant is a self-fulfilling cycle of, you guessed it, more stress! Deep breathe, meditate, pray, do whatever works for you to find time to relax and release some of the stress. Control those elements of your life that you can and let go of the stress over those elements in life that you can't. Hope and faith will prevail! Best wishes to you and hope some of this helps!

Sharon - posted on 01/05/2011

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I'm so sorry for your loss in October :-(
In Dec 2008 we miscarried at 10wks, although it appears the baby passed away aronud 6-7wks, then 6wks later fell pregnant with our son :-D

I totally understand how you feel. With my miscarriage I had a small amount of brown discharge for a couple of days and was told not to worry as brown can be old blood. But that wasn't the case for us.
Then with our sons pregnancy I started spotting at 7wks, brown again for a couple of days. I FREAKED OUT. But, now we have a gorgeous 14mth old.
Then with this pregnancy, at 10wks I had severe cramping, enough to make stop walking & bend over, on and off for about 24hrs and brown discharge again. I was inconsolable and was certain I had lost the baby. Nope, tomorrow I'll be 25wks :-) The cramping for this pregnancy has been alot more intense, especially the first 15wks.

Oh, and I almost forgot. With my first pregnancy, when I did miscarry, my morning sickness stopped at 6.5wks, around the time it appears we lost the baby. But with my son and this pregnancy all my symptoms continued, especially the sickness.

As my husband has told me many times, don't give up on the baby until you know for sure cuz the baby hasn't given up on us.
Good Luck

[deleted account]

You are most certainly NOT a failure. As heartbreaking as they are, miscarriages are fairly common. My best advice.... relax and try not to stress out until your next ultrasound shows what is going on. I hope and pray that everything is fine.

I have had 2 early miscarriages (Jan 2006 and Jan 2007) and my son (3rd child) was born March 2008.

Amelia - posted on 01/04/2011

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I have never miscarried but my mom almost always cries when she talks about her pregnancy with me. My father and her tried for 10 years (!!!) and my mom was on fertility drugs and everything. Mum was on her last month of drugs before they were going to give up and they found out they were pregnant with me. I am their only biological daughter (My sister is adopted) but don't give up hope!

Maybe take some time off, let your body rest and heal up before trying again. You are not a failure and like another mom said, when the time is right it will happen! You will be a great mom!

User - posted on 01/04/2011

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Let me tell you one thing honey,you are NOT a failure!

I know a couple people who had given up all hope of never having kids and they were blessed and became pregnant. Don't give up hope because it will happen for you and when it does I am sure you will be a wonderful mom! So keep your chin up and don't stress.







Relax and take it one day at a time.





When is your other scan scheduled?

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