Considering Adoption

Nicole - posted on 07/21/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I was a single mom of my son, now almost 4, for nearly the whole 4 years.. my boyfriend & I have been together for nearly a year now. I am now pregnant again, 3 months to be exact. All I can think about is my son, for so long it was just the two of us, and I was okay with that, thats all I wanted. Thats why I'm considering adoption. I am financially stable to raise two kids, I have a good background, good family, wonderful moral support, but all I can think about is not being able to devote all my time to my son. I love him so much I just can't imagine ever taking anything away from him or making him feel inadequate. Is that horrible of me? Not to mention, since I found out I have been so depressed & so anxious (not to mention I'm sick all day sometimes so sick I can't get out of bed) my boyfriend and I have been fighting non-stop. I'm so scared I'm going to be stuck with 2 kids, alone & I really dont think I can do it, especially knowing how hard it is.

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Chet - posted on 07/22/2014

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Most moms worry about the transition from one to two children, and some worry about it a lot. When you've been able to focus all of your parenting energy on one it's very difficult to imagine how a second child will fit into your family. The thing is though, the vast majority of the time, after the baby is born you can't imagine your family without that baby. The day before the baby came suddnely feels like it was a long time ago and a whole other life.

Typically too, if a mother had the capacity to form a strong bond with her first child that means that she had the same capacity to bond with her second child. You don't divide your love, you multiply it. You haven't used up all of what you have on your son. That's not how it works. Often though, those feeling don't come until later in the pregnancy or after the new baby is born.

Also, because your older child is four, you have to consider how an adoption will impact him. He'll have questions about your pregnancy. He'll be old enough to remember the baby being born and going to live with another family. I think this could be quite difficult for four year old to understand, and helping him through if could be very taxing for you.

All of that said, this is your decision to make and it's not clear cut, especially if you're feeling very overwhelmed and are not in a good place in your relationship with your partnet. I am certainly aware of cases where a parent kept one or some of their children, but not all - it happens. It is a choice you really should make with a clear head though. It would be best try and address your depression before you decide what to do.

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