Considering letting my 5 year old daughter find out the sex of the baby from the technician

Amy - posted on 02/19/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My husband and I don't want to find out the sex of our baby....but we're considering letting our oldest (5 year old daughter), find out because she really wants to know, her 3 year old brother doesn't have much interest in knowing. We thought that maybe we'd let the technician tell her, and she could possibly tell her teacher so that she'd have someone to talk to about it (otherwise that's a huge secret for a little kid). In all honesty, if it were to happen to slip from her, it wouldn't be the end of the world. Just wondering what others thoughts are on this...I don't want to set her up for a huge disappointment if she ends up letting it slip to her dad and I, but I thought it'd be really cool for her to be able to find out since she wants to and because she's the oldest. Ok, thoughts...GO!

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Amy - posted on 02/19/2015

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Good point about the secret keeping...actually we had started teaching her about not keeping things from us when she started school last year, so yes, this would kinda defeat that teaching/purpose. I never thought of it that way, thanks :) I totally agree though that it would be hard for her to keep it to herself, so I had debated about letting her tell her teacher so that she could have someone to chat about it with once in a while. Ok, based on the secret keeping, I think you've helped reach the decision not to let her find out.....i think :)

Sarah - posted on 02/19/2015

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It is up to you if you want her to find out, but I don't think it is fair or right for her to have to keep the secret from you or dad. At 5 yrs old she is going to be excited and share the news with others (mom, dad, friends, family, etc.) It is not right for her to have to keep that a secret from them. So if you let her find out then I would suggest that you then allow her to share the news with you and the rest of the family and friends. You also don't want to start secrets being kept from mom and dad at such a young age. Even though this is a fun thing it does set the stage for it being acceptable to keep secrets from mom and dad and that should never be a thing. As parents you always want to know what is going on in your children's lives.

So if you are not OK with having everyone know the gender of the baby right now then it is kept unknown to all. If you want to make it special for your 5 yr old and have her find out and share with (family, friends, neighbors, parents) then you can do that. But I would not suggest having her find out if you don't want those others knowing right now.

Ev - posted on 02/19/2015

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It would be hard for a child this age to keep a secret especially from family. And I am not sure that the tech is allowed to tell the child anyway. Usually the tech or doctor would be the ones to tell the couple expecting. If you do not want to know the child's sex then do not find out.

When my ex husband and I were expecting our son we did find out but we did not tell our daughter who had just turned 6 at the time she was having a brother. 1) We did not trust the machine to show the real sex of the baby. 2) I did not want to demolish her dreams of a baby sister. When we did have the baby he did turn out to be a boy. And when she came to the hospital to see him the first time, she was so proud of him. There was no mention of a baby sister after that for a long time until her dad and I had been divorced for a year and she wanted me to have a sister for her and I told her that since dad was remarried he could do that for her. She was 17 when she finally got her baby sister. Two years later she got another one.

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