Faith - posted on 10/09/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )
My daughter started college recently. Her ex-boyfriend is a senior in high school. They had a whirlwind romance for almost 7 months. They were both in love. He was wonderful and pulled her out from the darkness when she needed someone, and I'm sure they were intimate with each other. As time was nearing her leaving for college, he began to get anxious and so did she. She is living on-campus away at college, but chose a college close to home so she could come home on weekends; it's 45 minutes away. This was chosen and decided before her relationship. She's not a party girl, so staying around the weekends for parties is not her thing. After she moved in, he started talking about how he feels he's holding her back from the college experience. She tried to explain that she's getting out of it what she wants, she's not a party girl. She was only 2 weeks into school and he said she should be making friends. Clubs and activities had not begun yet. She made a dance team and is busily obtaining many nanny jobs. After only 3 weeks of her being at school, he decides supposedly he can't handle a relationship and her being gone. What? He loves her and this is hard for him, but he also has too much going on. Found out his parents also sat him down and said he'd been acting differently. They basically said something had to give, and decided it should be his relationship with my daughter. She is devastated and is now not doing as well in her new environment at school. It upsets me that they aren't helping him to cope and adjust to things, instead the answer is to just give her up.
I really want to sit down and talk to his mom so I can help my daughter. Am I wrong for wanting to do that? I don't want to place blame, I just want answers and to help my daughter. I want her to understand that they both should have been given time to adjust and not just give up. I know it's their relationship, but feel his mom led him to believe this is what he needed to do instead of teaching him how to handle her being gone and planning things out when to see each other. They are supposed to do a church leader activity together. She tried to text him to say hi 10 days after the break and ask if they could meet up to talk, and he said one of them should drop out and he does not want to see her to talk, he had told her before it would be too hard to see her. He asked why she texted and and she responded that he is her best friend. He asked her to not text him again. What happened that he's so angry? Is it possibly because he was forced to break with her and did not want to? As a concerned mom in trying to help my daughter, she has anxiety and this has compounded things, I guess I'm looking for answers. I thought if I could talk to his mom, maybe get to the root of what happened so suddenly and give her some info about my daughter and her anxiety issues. Maybe I'm pulling at straws, but then again, maybe she'll give me answers to help my daughter cope, or maybe it will just give me piece of mind. I love this young man as he became part of the family and his family loved her. I just think it got to be too much for him. He would not even give my daughter a chance to talk to him when he broke it off. She was going to suggest some space and not contacting each other as often and have a schedule. She's lost her best friend.