Contact my Daughter's Ex Boyfriend's Mom?? Need advice

Faith - posted on 10/09/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )




My daughter started college recently. Her ex-boyfriend is a senior in high school. They had a whirlwind romance for almost 7 months. They were both in love. He was wonderful and pulled her out from the darkness when she needed someone, and I'm sure they were intimate with each other. As time was nearing her leaving for college, he began to get anxious and so did she. She is living on-campus away at college, but chose a college close to home so she could come home on weekends; it's 45 minutes away. This was chosen and decided before her relationship. She's not a party girl, so staying around the weekends for parties is not her thing. After she moved in, he started talking about how he feels he's holding her back from the college experience. She tried to explain that she's getting out of it what she wants, she's not a party girl. She was only 2 weeks into school and he said she should be making friends. Clubs and activities had not begun yet. She made a dance team and is busily obtaining many nanny jobs. After only 3 weeks of her being at school, he decides supposedly he can't handle a relationship and her being gone. What? He loves her and this is hard for him, but he also has too much going on. Found out his parents also sat him down and said he'd been acting differently. They basically said something had to give, and decided it should be his relationship with my daughter. She is devastated and is now not doing as well in her new environment at school. It upsets me that they aren't helping him to cope and adjust to things, instead the answer is to just give her up.

I really want to sit down and talk to his mom so I can help my daughter. Am I wrong for wanting to do that? I don't want to place blame, I just want answers and to help my daughter. I want her to understand that they both should have been given time to adjust and not just give up. I know it's their relationship, but feel his mom led him to believe this is what he needed to do instead of teaching him how to handle her being gone and planning things out when to see each other. They are supposed to do a church leader activity together. She tried to text him to say hi 10 days after the break and ask if they could meet up to talk, and he said one of them should drop out and he does not want to see her to talk, he had told her before it would be too hard to see her. He asked why she texted and and she responded that he is her best friend. He asked her to not text him again. What happened that he's so angry? Is it possibly because he was forced to break with her and did not want to? As a concerned mom in trying to help my daughter, she has anxiety and this has compounded things, I guess I'm looking for answers. I thought if I could talk to his mom, maybe get to the root of what happened so suddenly and give her some info about my daughter and her anxiety issues. Maybe I'm pulling at straws, but then again, maybe she'll give me answers to help my daughter cope, or maybe it will just give me piece of mind. I love this young man as he became part of the family and his family loved her. I just think it got to be too much for him. He would not even give my daughter a chance to talk to him when he broke it off. She was going to suggest some space and not contacting each other as often and have a schedule. She's lost her best friend.


♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/09/2015




Good lord, I agree with Dove and Raye!
1) Don't blame HIS parents for doing the same thing you are: Not helping the kids learn how to handle situations, but (in their case) encouraging an end to the situation, and (in your case) encouraging one to hang on and not move on.
2) Both of those kids aren't "KIDS" any more. Its time to explain that life can suck at times, we need to learn to HANDLE stress rather than give in to it, and move forward.

Do NOT contact the other parents. You accuse them of being controlling, but you're attempting to control the situation as well.

Teach your daughter coping mechanisms. That will serve her much better in the long run than you encouraging her to continue chasing this young man, who has very nicely stated SEVERAL times that he wishes the relationship to be over.

Raye - posted on 10/09/2015




You're mad at the ex-boyfriends parents for not teaching him how to cope with everything going on in his life, but yet you apparently haven't been teaching your daughter to cope with her anxiety and what's going on in her life. They broke up. Long distance relationships, especially going to different schools, is very hard at their age. Yes, the breakup is hard, too, but she will make new friends and find another boyfriend. If it was meant to be with this guy, maybe it'll happen at a later time (I went to HS with my husband, but we parted ways for 20 years; we married other people, divorced, then married each other). But don't count on that to happen. Young people have new experiences and grow so much after high school, that it's possible they wouldn't have remained compatible anyway. Better for her to enjoy her youth and not be tied down to one person just yet.

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Dove - posted on 10/09/2015




Absolutely do NOT talk to his mother. That's completely insane! Talk to your daughter and encourage/support her through this instead.

Relationships can come and go and she needs to be able to be OK w/ that... for whatever reason. If he won't talk to her then that is that. Let it go.

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