Control freak step mom wants to cut my daughter's hair! Please help!

Ireland - posted on 10/16/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )




My 5 year old daughter has a step mother who wants to cut my daughter's waist length hair. I have never cut her hair ever in her life. Since my ex left when my daughter was 1 years old, his girlfriend (since she was 1 years old) has taken upon herself to cut and trim her hair without consulting me. I myself, have long hair and have always had visions of letting (and keeping) my daughters hair grow to waist length. After many discussions and confrontations regarding cutting my daughters hair, she has sustained from cutting it for the last eight months. It's finally at the length that I have always wanted and low and behold, she wants to cut it again! Except this time she has asked me before just doing it without my permission. (Through my ex of course.)I told him "no," however, I feel she is going to cut it anyway with the excuse that my ex has the right to also make decisions regarding his daughter (who he only has 40% of the time.)
This is just one issue among many with her. (She and my ex also make my daughter call her "mom," which is an entirely different topic...)

I am coming to conclusion that my ex's girlfriend wears the pants in the family and calls the shots (I know my ex and he is laid back and could care less about anything not relating to football, golf and high fructose alcoholic coolers...) She obviously wants to be in control and I am unsure about how to get through to this woman to leave these decisions up to the real mother.

I am, and have been pretty laid back with them for the past years letting them live their lives and leaving them alone, but this is getting silly and I'm tired of it.

The strange thing is she and my ex have a 2 year old son together, so I thought she might able to put herself in my shoes once in a while when it comes to decisions that effect her own flesh and blood, but unfortunately that has not happened.

I have also brought up her "hair cutting hobby" and "mom calling" up in court and no one seems to care...judge, ex or step mom. Wtf. How can I get through to these people? No I don't want you to cut my daughter's hair EVER. I don't cut your son's, do I?
Please help! Need idea's and advice to get through to this control freak!


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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/17/2014




If they have her 40% of the time, that is actually quite a lot. Have you ever considered that, while YOU may desire the child to have long hair, and YOU don't mind caring for it and taking the extra time that long hair requires, perhaps her father, and even the child herself, may have a different opinion, and desire?

Its time for the adults in the situation to COMMUNICATE. Come to an agreement and understanding that everyone is happy with.

Jodi - posted on 10/16/2014




Long hair is really hard to look after. Maybe you are okay with looking after it, but her step mother isn't okay with it and it's all to hard for her. I think this is where you have to sit down and actually have a conversation without it becoming your way or the highway because you are the mother, and more about getting to the bottom of why. If you can understand why she does this, then maybe you can find a better solution to propose to her. They have your daughter 40% of the time. That's actually a lot, and it is a big job to look after. See if there is a way you can all compromise.

Chet - posted on 10/16/2014




People are really passionate about hair. My mom cut our oldest daughter's hair when I didn't approve because she couldn't stand my growing her bangs out long. Lots of people were sympathetic when I was upset, but most pointed out that unsanctioned haircuts happen all the time. It's a common complaint.

And I've since discovered they were right. Kids come home from grandma's, or dad's, or auntie's house all the time with surprise haircuts. Not to mention, there is also a lot of unsolicited haircut advice from people who think long hair on kids is in the way, too hard to care for, is in the child's face, makes a little boy look like a little girl, causes too many arguments, takes too long in the morning and makes your late, and so on

Our girls have long hair, and I admit that it can be a lot of work. If your daughter is with your ex and his wife 40% of the time, and there are fights and tears over getting hair washed, dried and done you can't blame them for wanting a more manageable style. Waist length hair is uncommon in kindergarten these days for a reason.

I would try to focus on what is best for your daughter. How does she feel about her hair? Would a shorter style upset her or make her life easier? It is her hair. Advocate on her behalf if she really doesn't want a haircut, and let it go if she'd like one.

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