Michelle - posted on 12/06/2014 ( 15 moms have responded )
Hi Everyone. I am divorced now. My reason(s) for leaving my ex was that, among other things, he admitted to having pedophilic thoughts when I was pregnant with our second child. These thoughts were not a one-time thing, and I told him that I wasn't qualified in this area to help him and that he should get some professional help. On top of that, he accused me of having an affair and carrying someone else's child. Because I was having a high-risk pregnancy, I chose to put the health of the baby first and put on hold any decisions with my relationship with my then-husband. After the baby was born, I decided to file for divorce. As he was living on the other side of the state, it wasn't too much of an issue that he would come and see the kids that often, plus he had agreed to supervised visits. Earlier this year, he called to tell me that he was moving back to the area. He wanted to see the children every weekend. In addition, he said he went to the courthouse and found that the paper he had signed consenting to supervised visits wasn't in the court order, so he was no longer consenting to them. He cornered me and said if I wanted to take him back so we could be a family again, he would be open to it. This man was controlling and emotionally abusive during our relationship. I was blind to it during our relationship ("love is blind" applied here), but it finally became more and more evident to me when he continued to try to manipulate and control me even though we are no longer together.
Because he is not a convicted criminal and there is no evidence of him doing anything wrong, I cannot restrict his access to the children. He admitted to the judge, in court, that his pedophilic thoughts have not stopped and that he has had these thoughts of our children. However, he said he did not act on these thoughts or entertain them. The judge granted him time almost every weekend, both days, with the kids. The visits are to be in public and he does not get overnights (yet) until he sees a specialized psychiatrist, but he won't order him to do so. It would be paid 50-50 between us.
My ex is a member of the church community. He says he is very religious now and prays every day. He tries to be an active member of the church services. He questions my morality, saying I did this to our family.
I am not perfect by any means, but I try to be a good Christian person. When I hear the sermons at church about forgiveness and loving thy neighbor, etc..., I wonder if God is trying to tell me that I am doing the wrong thing.
I fight for my children because they are too young to protect themselves. I don't want them (or any other children) to be the guinea pigs if he decides he cannot control his thoughts, or his thoughts turn into actions.
Part of me feels like I should have stayed with my ex, mainly because if he is to have alone time with them, then at least I would've been around to "protect" the children if necessary.
This is just part of a very long story, and I've tried to shorten it as much as I could. Thank you for any insight you could share.