cooking and cleaning duties.. Am I being unreasonable?

Kelly - posted on 07/26/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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So here is the story. Both me and my partner worked full time. I am now on leave as we have just had another baby (two in total, 3years and 6weeks). He was helping out a lot in the first 4 weeks (he had two weeks off when she was first born), making dinners, helping our 3 year old with toilet training, etc. Now all of a sudden he comes home, straight onto the computer, tv or ps3 and asks what I'm making for dinner. We both do our share in cooking, but am I being unreasonable to ask him/expect him to do more? He doesn't normally clean or do dishes and never does the washing. He says that he works 8 hours a day so why should he have to come home and cook and clean when I'm at home all day and I can do it. I don't think that's fair at all just because I'm home all day doesn't mean I always have time to do all the housework and shouldn't we be working as a team anyways? We fight about it almost every day and he just won't listen to what I have to say. How can I make him see this from my point of view? Or am I just being unreasonable?

6 Comments

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Liz - posted on 07/27/2012

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Make a spreadsheet divided into 1/2 hour increments and record EVERYTHING you do for a few days. Then show him. Give him a little bit of an idea of what you do...

Amanda - posted on 07/26/2012

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My husband has a choice. He can either bath the kids, or load the dishwasher. If he doesn't do it his clothes don't get washed and his meals don't get made.
Thats all I ask of him, apart from he has to put his own clothes away. I'm not his mother.

Kelly - posted on 07/26/2012

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Oh and the fact that when I was working full time as well, as soon as I got home I would cook dinner and tidy up.. He's only just started making dinners since our daughter was born. I never complained like he does.

He still doesn't understand the whole, my job never ends. He doesn't see being a stay at home mum to be a job (he says because you don't get paid to do it), all he thinks is that because I am home all day (he puts emphasise on the all..) that I must have all this free time on my hands.

Liz - posted on 07/26/2012

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I just read Krista's response after I posted my own, and to add to it, you should make a list of the things that you normally accomplish in a day and tell him that he needs to make sure those things are done. If I left my husband with our kids, they would be taken care of, but the house wouldn't. He just doesn't do things like I do. Sure, he MIGHT wash the laundry, but folding it and putting it away? HA!

Liz - posted on 07/26/2012

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Well the way I see it, he helped make the babies, he can help take care of them! Tell him that after 8 hours of work, he gets to come home and leave his work at work. Your job NEVER ends. Even if your kids stay at someone else's house, you still worry about them and think about them. Your job is far more emotionally taxing than his, I'm sure. You are raising children; shaping and molding their minds and bodies. That is a bit more stressful than any other job, if you ask me!

Krista - posted on 07/26/2012

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You're not being unreasonable at all. Taking care of a toddler and a newborn is a LOT of work. And it's for a hell of a lot more than 8 hours a day!

What I would suggest is to say, "You know, you're right. I'm obviously not very good at this stay-at-home thing. So this Saturday, you're staying home with both kids while I run errands. I'm sure you'll be a lot better than I am at keeping the house clean and putting dinner on the table while taking really great care of the kids. And when I get home, you can tell me all about how you did it."

And hold him to it. He obviously has NO freaking idea how hard it can be, and doesn't believe you when you tell him. So it's time for him to learn that for himself.

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