Coparenting schedules / whats necessary to make it work?

Mommabird - posted on 03/25/2015 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Not ranting about the subject...just curious about how others make Coparenting work for their kids. Is it necessary to be consistent about Everything at both houses...or just things like what times they eat, sleep and etc? Routine ..I believe...is a big factor in the kids adjusting to both households. But how do you keep them on a routine if parents do things totally different? Does it confuse them? Do they adjust to different schedules at each house by the age of 1 or 2?
I would like input on the subject from others who are Coparenting.
I know what I think about it but would like to see how many others agree or disagree. See what the majority thinks. Thanks ladies..and gents(both are welcome to reply)

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Raye - posted on 03/25/2015

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My husband and his ex have difficulties because the ex does not stick to a consistent schedule. She keeps them up late, doesn't feed them until 10 minutes before bed, then makes them rush through dinner, feeds them junk, etc. We get them back and they are so cranky from lack of sleep. The kids sometimes try to get their way by saying that the other parent does things differently. Sometimes it's true, sometimes it's not. But we don't always know without asking the other parent because the rules are so different.

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Raye - posted on 03/25/2015

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It's sweet that the kids feel close enough to you to call you momma. And sometimes it's easier for them to simplify the relationships to more traditional roles. So, what they choose to call you should not be much cause for concern unless you really do not want to be a mother figure to them. In that case, I would say what someone else said about not getting back together if you weren't up for the role. However, yes, the children should spend the majority of their time with their biological parents. You should try to love them and care for them, but it should not fall to you to be the primary caregiver of your step-children.

Mommabird - posted on 03/25/2015

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With all that being said. Would you agree with me on this also?...... If I'm spending more time taking care of them than dad is and they keep calling me momma(I correct them and say ChaCha)....is it safe to say I'm right to want the Mom and Dad to spend more time with them than me?? I've corrected them for 3 mths now and they still call me momma...something else needs to be done. Right?

Mommabird - posted on 03/25/2015

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Oh..forgot to make my point with this post..
All the questions I've asked were to see if anyone feels the same way I do about this. I've tried making my point to both of them and neither of them seem to understand how I see it. I'm basically told IF YOU DIDNT WANT TO HELP CARE FOR THEM YOU SHOULDVE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT BEFORE GETTING BACK TOGETHER. We separated for 9 mths and got back together. Yes I knew about him getting the woman pregnant during our separation but never expected to be pushed into taking care of them alone!

Mommabird - posted on 03/25/2015

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My thoughts exactly. My husband and bio mom do take me for granted because I've done it for 3 months now even though I have health issues. It causes me stress, migraines and pain and I've gotten to a point where noone cares...I'm stuck doing it on my own with 4 children altogether. Neither of them ever have to care for them by themselves...just me. I mentioned my pain and stress and asked him to work out a different schedule where he's off work on same days theyre here. But I'm the one whose being selfish. Bio mom wouldn't change schedule because she won't give up her free time...and she won't give him anymore time than he has. I wish I had a money tree in my yard...I would insist he hire a lawyer to get things set accordingly. He's just afraid she'll demand more money if he takes it to court. And I'm stuck in the middle feeling like the only one who actually thinks about the kids best interests.

Raye - posted on 03/25/2015

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I know many bio-moms that would HATE having the stepmom be the one spending the most time with her kids. Your ex-wife-in-law seems just too selfish to care.

Raye - posted on 03/25/2015

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As a step-mom myself, there are times that I have to watch the kids. However, my husband has primary custody and his ex has visitation, so they are with us most of the time. My husband never takes it for granted that I will just make myself available to watch them on my own, and I do have some say as my MIL can usually take them if I am overwhelmed or have responsibilities of my own to take care of.

If your husband is working and their limited visitation time is spent primarily with you, then that is not fair to them, not fair to your husband who would like to spend time with them, and not fair to you who is stuck in a situation you didn't bargain for. The only one that benefits is the bio-mom who seems not to care whether the schedule is fair to her kids as long as she gets her free time. It should not fall on you to be a regular babysitter unless you really want to, but it would still be unfair to your husband and the kids who don't get to bond and nurture their relationships with each other.

Mommabird - posted on 03/25/2015

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I agree with that.
Bigger question then. ...
What is your opinion on the role of stepmom? Does stepmom have any say in how much time she spends caring for them? Or is that something that just comes with the territory of being stepmom?...By accepting the children as part of family she has to accept responsibility of taking care of them by herself sometimes?

Raye - posted on 03/25/2015

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The children's time should be spent with the biological parent. If the work schedule changes to where that parent is no longer available during what had been the regular visitation time, then a new schedule needs to be arranged and followed through with consistently. If it can't be arranged directly with the mother, then the father needs to go to court and have the judge change the agreement. If the father's work schedule fluctuates and his off days are different each week, then that's a more difficult situation.

Mommabird - posted on 03/25/2015

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Another..more specific question I have is what if one parents work schedule changes and it interferes with their time with the children...Is it more important to stick to the visitation routine the kids are used to or is it more important to keep the amount of time spent with each parent consistent? If the children are between 1 and 2...which is in best interest of the children?

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