couple swinging

Theresa - posted on 11/12/2009 ( 54 moms have responded )

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ok so i only want honest answers and no one to think omg she is married and does wat? with that being said my husband and i swing. up until this point i have been fine w/ it however for next arrangement he doesnt want me there it will be a girl and her b/f and him and in return im to get to be by myself w/ the girls b/f at a different time. i dont know if i like this idea cuz we have always been at the same place when doing it before and i want us both to enjoy it but something about it dont feel right...if ne one does this write me back otherwise please dont judge me.

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Krista - posted on 11/14/2009

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I think that was pretty nieve Janet... people have been doing such for ever and ever... Just by asking her why she is married is judging her... and seriously how did you think she would answer... I am willing to bet that she will say because she loves him. And I think the greatest thing that I can tell you Teresa is that you should be extremely happy that you have such a great communicative relationship with your husband, but I only say that if when (or if) you tell him you are not comfortable with this he doesn't go through with it. The only thing I know of swingers is that I lived in a town where there were soooo many of them and they were completely open with it... I even lived between two husbands and wives that were in the group of swingers of the town. I have never done this myself, however each person deserves to do what they want to do, and like I said before people have been doing so forever... back in the 50's they called it swingers or key clubs, where husband and wife would go to a cocktail party after the children were asleep and they would all put their keys in a box and when they were ready to leave, the man pick a key and whoever the key belonged to, he had that wife for the night... common knowledge as they teach children this in highschool, just as we learn of the flappers... We have also known of people who have blatently CHEATED on their wife/ husband and that is completely different... that is the worst thing one can to, because it is stealing a heart, lieing to your love, and that is cheating. The three worst things in the world, liers, cheats, and stealers combined into one. Let me remind you of the many presidents who have cheated on their wives, such as Kennedy, and this is one America's role models, and people are cheated on every day- who knows Janet maybe you have been cheated on, no one would wish that aggainst anyone. The biggest thing also as far as marriage goes, even if your husband cheated, which this is not the case for Teresa, would you not love him anymore? that may be one of America's divorce rate's bigger(est) problems, not everyone will agree with that either, however if you think about it, why would you automatically just get divoced for this? Marriage to me is forever, you get counceling, and you grow together... but again this is MY opinion and I would not say to someone who got divoced because of her husband cheating on her that she should not have because it is wrong, because I dont think that, just as I am sure that you did not mean to say to her that basically she shouldn't be married because she is a swinger, when in reality if I were to guess I would say probably 80% of couples that are swingers are married... it is their choice, and we should allow them to be married without asking why. I am sorry to everyone who had to read my rant, it just really makes me sad to see someone who may not be married or may be married, who may not have the "typical" marriage, as there is not such, etc say something that to me is just as judging as saying you shouldn't be married.... Teresa, best of luck to you, and I hope that no one asks you again why you are married because it is not up to them to judge you and you shouldn't have to defend the reason why you're married... to see that is a disgace. Much love to your family and to everyone and their families who read this.

[deleted account]

I have to applaud the positive replies here on this sensitive issue. For those who disagree with the original poster's marital lifestyle, either 1) question yourself how her lifestyle impacts YOUR marriage or parenting, or 2) refrain from replying in a judgemental manner.
To Theresa- I hope that you & your husband come to a resolution with this. A swinging lifestyle requires strong communication and trust. Something is lacking that your husband is feeling like he needs privacy, and that is NOT part of swinging.

~Jennifer - posted on 11/12/2009

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Quoting Theresa:



Quoting Mary:

If you don't feel right about it, you should absolutely have a one on one talk with him and get it all out. Both sides of the situation are important, but if you don't like the situation than that could impact what you guys have going. You are still married, and therefore your feelings should be more important than one rendezvous. There will be other enticing opportunities in your swinging life so leaving just one behind really shouldn't be that big a deal. I do have to say, however, I don't see what this has to do with parenting or motherhood.






Mary,






i dont have alot of friends i thought that if i asked that i would get some help with how others feel. being a mother or a parent yes is about my child but also about me and i thought this was a site to help other moms, friends, and women when they have a question. i thank you for your help and sorry if i put you in a wrong position.






theresa






Theresa,



  You can ask any questions you may have on this forum. You are correct, this forum is for women, mothers, wives, girlfriends, grandmothers, step-moms, adoptive moms, etc. and the issues that affect our daily lives.  There are no 'wrong' questions. If someone doesns't 'want' to answer, they have the option of skipping over the thread and answering a question geared more toward  their own concerns, beliefs or 'issues'.



 



There are also smaller communities that can be accessed via the 'my communities' link in the banner at the top of the page -  try typing in 'sex and relationships'  in the search box found in the 'my communities' / 'all communities' link- there's a few good ones - even one that our CoM Moderator Loureen is the administrator of........there's a lot of very frank discussion without having to worry about being 'put down' in her community - and LOTS of members.



;)



Hope this helps!



I hope you'll enjoy Circle of Moms.



~Jenn~



CoM Moderator

Krista - posted on 11/15/2009

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Wow, people who keep on judging this girl, read all the posts first, because whatever that one chicks name is that posted a bit after my last post is just as judging as the last woman, and she should read my last post... some of you on here are disgraceful and should keep your opinions to yourself, as Teresa is NOT looking to be judged, what kind of A class "harper PTA" bullcrap are you trying to pull here? And if you don't know about that song, download it because it will teach you alot about yourself and you judging this girl... Even though I am sure not everyone is a Christian in here I know everyone will agree that the Bible sends great messages... and in the bible it says that you shouldn't be the one to cast the first stone... and you who are judging this woman are doing that and then some, and then after she has already heard someone say something once, another woman comes on here and says THE SAME EXACT THING AGAIN!!! What an idiotic thing to do, Take a step back and look at your own life before you judge someone, especially asking why they are married... Oh and I just looked back in the thread and it was Jamie Jamie that said it AGAIN about 3 down from the last one. Grow Up and STOP JUDGING!!

Sara - posted on 11/12/2009

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Quoting sarah:

ok..not to be rude but this isnt a sex sight.it is a sight to discuss our children and ask questions about being a parent and any advice on it. if you want sex advice go to DEARCUPID.com.



Not to be rude, but you simply could skip over this question if you think it's inappropriate.  This is a site for moms to get support, and being a mom isn't only defined by kids but it's about your relationships and SEX (isn't that how we all became moms in the first place?).  There are a plethora of threads on here about relationships and I don't think they're inappropriate at all. So, let this lady get advice from other moms and just don't comment if you have nothing constuctive to add to the conversation.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

54 Comments

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Ellie Richardson - posted on 04/20/2012

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I agree with Sharalyn Francia. I think if u dont feel right about the situation then definetly tell him how u feel.

Theresa - posted on 11/16/2009

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thank you to everyone that has posted to this i never in my life thought i would get this much of a response. i will answer some things on here. everyone is intitled to their own opinion and i am to mine. i love my hubby very much i love our daugher we created together and our home that we have built. we have been doing this cuz my husband and i like someone to watch and because we know when we come home we are coming home to us that love each other very much. i had to laugh when someone said that maybe my hubby wanted to be w/ the girls b/f thanks. i needed the laugh. no my hubby is straight. me on the other hand i am by sexual and where im more into being w/ guys this gives me a way to release stress and my hubby gets to watch. i think my issue w/ this idea is i really dont like the girl and there is where it sets uneasy. and by us swinging does not mean we do this everyday or all the time. my idea on this is if you take the wondering of what it would be like to be w/ someone else then you have a stronger relationship. and if my daughter when she gets older asks if we ever did this i will NOT lie to her she will know the truth when i think she is ready for the truth. i am a very open person. im married not dead!

Joanna - posted on 11/15/2009

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I would never do it alone, if I were to swing (which I kind of fantasize about but don't think I'd do) it would be my husband and I TOGETHER, never apart. so if it's out of your comfort zone, as said, I'd say tell him no.

Blackwood - posted on 11/15/2009

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No judgement here, not for me personally, but if you and your husband are fine with it, then that's what matters. You need to be comfortable and this is something that the BOTH of you are suppose to be doing, I think your husband might be crossing the line here, that too me is an arrangement for making "cheating" okay. You guys do this together and if you are now doing is seperately then that is a whole new ball game. I would let him know that your are obvisously a very open minded person and that you don't feel comfortable with this so therefore he needs to respect that. Why does he not what you involved, is there something that he wants from these other people that he may not want you to see or know about?? Talking is the only way you can try to resolve this. If you don't say something it's going to become an issue that maybe come out later on and then it's done and too late.

Jessica - posted on 11/15/2009

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Well, I dont do it, I have done it, but I dont... but I also dont judge, and thought it was an interesting subject!
I dont normally have trust issues, I've let my husband do things with me there, but wouldn't be comfortable letting him do anything without me being there. THAT'S when I would get jealous! Amd I'd like to imagine that if I brought up the subject of "going solo" with another couple without him there, he'd get insanely jealous... not comfortable with it, dont do it.

Sheriena - posted on 11/15/2009

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i like you have been there and although i did not like it i let my husband go and do it alone a few times because i felt i should. and now am here alone with 3 children to bring up. cos he is now with one of the women he went and slept with, i never felt easy about it but thought well i love and trust him,as it turns out he was using it as a rouse to cover his affair with this lady.
dont do it follow your heart. if he love you he will understand.

Dana - posted on 11/15/2009

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I agree with most people here. If it's not something you are comfortable with then don't do it. Is it possible he wants to try things with her B/f that he otherwise wouldn't do in front of you? I'd talk to him about this for sure. You should be able to be open with each other if you are choosing such a open life style. I say this without passing any judgement btw. I wish you good luck!

Charlie - posted on 11/15/2009

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Quoting Ava:

. No matter what people say, guys are basically the same----they're built for sex.


Ava , that is incredibly basic and degrading to pigeon hole all men like that , i know if a man said that of a woman there would be outrage .



I for one know my fiance is much more than just  built for sex as i am sure many other women with loving , passionate , caring , partners who happen to be amazing fathers would think too .



 



As for the OP , like everyone has mentioned if you are not comfortable dont do it .



Even though you are swingers your are still in a partnership and swinging needs clear cut rules that must be abide by , these rules must be agreed upon by both of you or it wont work .



Good luck , talk it through with him tell him your feelings and how his newest desire would affect you , he should understand .

Ava - posted on 11/15/2009

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I'm sorry but I don't agree with couple swinging. My fiance had a four-some once with another couple who had their own child, but it was mostly me and the other girl and there was no cross-hands of him on me or my man on her. That is pretty much a once or twice in a lifetime thing with us. Anyway, the point I'm going to make here is that I've noticed that couples who swing are leading themselves down a path where cheating is seen as 'allowed', because you've already allowed the act of having sex with someone else, and if they can find time away from you they don't feel like they're breaking a rule or cheating by having sex even if you aren't around. Your husband is obviously attracted to women other than you and would like to have sex with one without you around (sometimes this is a high for guys, because even though they're married they don't have to feel like they are; he won't have to look at you or remember he's married while having sex with this girl). No matter what people say, guys are basically the same----they're built for sex. A lot of it. I allow my fiance a once-in-a-while release with me around (like that four-some) because on a day to day basis I don't even have to worry about him looking at pornography and he usually stays around the house with me---he's traditional and doesn't believe in regular swinging, divorce, or general infidelity. Anyway, if you feel uncomfortable, DON'T DO IT. But what I was saying with the 'it leads to cheating' is that you can expect he's going to do it anyway. Like I said, you allowed the gate to open. He'll either fight, or say 'okay' and find time to do it anyway when you aren't around. He's already made known that's what he wants and guys will get what they want. The trick is to get one that doesn't want it in the first place. But obviously you two are into that. All I can say is, you kind of asked for that and it comes with the territory. If you're comfortable enough with swinging and he does it anyway, then just ignore it and do it yourself---you and two guys and him not around. I find it hard to believe that two people can be in love who do that, though, or are destined to stay married for life. A little fun is one thing, constant swinging just makes those couples residential fuck-buddies to me, with some affection and children thrown in.

Michelle - posted on 11/15/2009

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Never did this myself, but to each his own..I do agree with most women on here.You do it together, or not at all. Period!

Lucy - posted on 11/15/2009

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As with all things in a relationship, if something doesn't feel right it probably shouldn't be happening! The fact that you've posted this question shows how you really feel about it, you just need to say it to your husband. It seems to me that once you're engaging in sex with others without your partner you've crossed the line from swinging to an open relationship, and you're clearly not happy with this idea. Although I'd never be comfortable with swinging being a part of my relationship, every couple has the right to decide what suits them, just ignore those who choose to judge instead of support.

Brandi - posted on 11/15/2009

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I completly agree...stayed married! Adventures and misadventure test the marriage; no doubt! But you are strong enough to post it I can only assume your strong enough to deal with what ever comes your way...Know you non Judgemental support, right here!!!!!!

Isobel - posted on 11/15/2009

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I think that swingers get married because they are in love and want to spent the rest of their lives together...that being said, they may be interested in sexual adventure (that doesn't stop people from loving each other and wanting to share their lives.

Please stop telling this lady she should not be married, it's small minded and rude. She stated in her original post "if ne one does this write me back otherwise please dont judge me." If you have nothing constructive to add to this thread, simply leave it alone.

[deleted account]

Quoting Jaime:

I just have to ask a question.. I am new to this whole thing. What is the point of being married to someone if you still want to have sex with other people. Why get married?


Marriage isnt necessarily about sex - it can just be about creating a special bond between two people who love each other and want to share their lives with each other. It can also be a merely legal decision. Monogamy works for some couples (married or otherwise) but for others it isnt a necessary part of their relationship so they find another arrangement - that should be mutually agreed upon by both parties.

[deleted account]

I dont swing but I follow the rule of anything goes so long as noone is getting hurt - and if you arent happy with it then someone is getting hurt. I think the best thing would be to talk it over with hubby - it might make you understand why you arent comfortable with it as well as letting him understand how you are feeling about it and you can come to an agreement that best suits you *both* :)

Jaime - posted on 11/15/2009

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I just have to ask a question.. I am new to this whole thing. What is the point of being married to someone if you still want to have sex with other people. Why get married?

Brandi - posted on 11/15/2009

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Yes, been there done that and have the Tshirt! My hubby and I tried this and then an OPEN RELATIOSHIP; thats where this going for you 2! He does not want you there...so next he wont even tell you! My hubby and I are still together in light of all the misadventures, but we are cold and not intiminte as we used too be before all that distraction. (open/swing). I really hate to see you go through what I am; its mentally, spiritually, physically exhuasting. We will stay married til; but its very 1950's (seperate rooms). My boys are still happy bc we are together and have no clue. Mommy and Daddy are very good at faking happiness. Plus we no longer fight bc we no longer talk. So yes there is good vs bad with these types of relationships...but sharing your favorite toy with random ppl~someone will break it!

Karen - posted on 11/14/2009

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Ive never done it myself bt as u say u have always been doing it togrther thn personally i wouldnt feel comfortable with it i would talk to him otherwise if u go along wuth it u mite start gettin jelous and start thinking y doesnt he want me there ect. hope this helps xxxx

Catriena - posted on 11/12/2009

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I believe that everyone should live their life in whatever way that makes them happy. That being said, if it doesn't feel right then it probably isn't. Swinging is something that you should enjoy as a couple with another couple. When it becomes a separate deal, then it is not swinging. Does it feel more like cheating to you? Do you have that pit in the depths of your stomach screaming "why wouldn't you want me there?" My advice is to tell your husband that you are uncomfortable with this. The idea of swinging is to be aroused by seeing your spouse with someone else. If you start to see other people separately then it becomes an open marriage, and that is a whole other ball game. Unless you are ready for that, then I would speak to your husband right away. If this happens once, then you can be assured that it will happen again. If you two trust each other enough to share with others, then you should be able to talk to him without him getting defensive. I wish you luck, sweetie! I hope it all works out for you.

Theresa - posted on 11/12/2009

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Quoting Mary:

If you don't feel right about it, you should absolutely have a one on one talk with him and get it all out. Both sides of the situation are important, but if you don't like the situation than that could impact what you guys have going. You are still married, and therefore your feelings should be more important than one rendezvous. There will be other enticing opportunities in your swinging life so leaving just one behind really shouldn't be that big a deal. I do have to say, however, I don't see what this has to do with parenting or motherhood.



Mary,



i dont have alot of friends i thought that if i asked that i would get some help with how others feel. being a mother or a parent yes is about my child but also about me and i thought this was a site to help other moms, friends, and women when they have a question. i thank you for your help and sorry if i put you in a wrong position.



theresa

[deleted account]

Hi,



I wouldn't like it......I wold still want to be in the same room, even if you don't join in at least to watch....be open and let him know how you feel...

Ashley - posted on 11/12/2009

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If you are not comfortable with the situation then there is a reason that you are feeling that way. You should be honest and talk to him about your feelings and if he is not willing to take your feelings into concerdation than you should not allow it to happen. Have you thought about if he was to do it then he would enjoy it that way and want to try it more often. Then you would be left in the same situation you are now. I dont think it's worth it to try it without talking about it first. Good luck to you.

Mary - posted on 11/12/2009

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If you don't feel right about it, you should absolutely have a one on one talk with him and get it all out. Both sides of the situation are important, but if you don't like the situation than that could impact what you guys have going. You are still married, and therefore your feelings should be more important than one rendezvous. There will be other enticing opportunities in your swinging life so leaving just one behind really shouldn't be that big a deal. I do have to say, however, I don't see what this has to do with parenting or motherhood.

Jessica - posted on 11/12/2009

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always trust your gut, always! do this and you will always do the best thing.

Theresa - posted on 11/12/2009

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Quoting sarah:

ok..not to be rude but this isnt a sex sight.it is a sight to discuss our children and ask questions about being a parent and any advice on it. if you want sex advice go to DEARCUPID.com.



ok i know that and i asked for ppl to not judge me and yes this does have to do w/ my child because if this doesnt work then she wont grow up in a relationship with her mom and dad so felt that it was appropiate you didnt have to read it or post back to it. thanks for you help

Allison - posted on 11/12/2009

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I wouldn't let him go solo either. I thought that was the whole point of swinging - that it turned you on to see your partner with other people? I haven't done this, so maybe I have it wrong? In any case, if you don't feel comfortable with the situation then definitely don't give in. It's not fair for your husband to try and bribe you to let him have his way. Best of luck to you on your decision.

Heather - posted on 11/12/2009

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I agree with Tena. If you feel uncomfortable already, listen to your gut! This could only create a bigger issue in the end. Talk with the hubs and find out what his real motive is behind not wanting you there though. It's something I'd really want to know if it were me.

Cheryl - posted on 11/12/2009

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I DON'T DO THIS, BUT AM INTERESTED. BUT ..I'M W U. IT DOSEN'T SOUND RIGHT. if anything at least you can be there to watch if he doesn't want u 2 participate. so u can still b involved w his experiance, n vice verse when u have yours.



Hope this helps a little.

Sharalyn - posted on 11/12/2009

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First, did you set ground rules? Swinging is VERY complex. I am not a swinger, but I have friends who are and they have set ground rules on do's and don'ts and one of them is NOT to be alone with another female/male and their significant other. So with that, I don't understand the sort of 'secrecy'. Since swinging is an extremely open relationship, I don't see why you can't be there or why he doesn't want you to be there. It does sound fishy and I believe you need to go with your gut feeling on this one and deal with this issue however you choose, but nothing too drastic, of course! Hope this helps.

Karen - posted on 11/12/2009

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Do not ever do anything that you are not comfortable with. If you have always done this together and that is what works then you should stick with that. If he loves you and wants to continue this lifestyle then he NEEDS to understand!!!

Robin - posted on 11/12/2009

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The lifestyle you are in can be a very dangerous thing. I know.... You are in this "together"....if at any point either of you is uncomfortable then you need to back up and talk it out.

Erin - posted on 11/12/2009

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you should ask him why he wants to exclued you, what kind of rules have the men had in the past? no crossing swords? or does anything go? maybe he wants to expariment in an area he has never tried before and is conserened about your reaction.

User - posted on 11/12/2009

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No experience in this department, but you need to ask him how would he feel if you had 2 men w/o him? Then I bet he will change his mind.

Sharina - posted on 11/12/2009

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I agree with you. You should stick to the initial deal of "swinging" that you two had. Not that I endorse the idea, however, if you are going to do it anyway, stick to your instinct. If something doesn't feel right, it's not right. Marriage is a vow of oneness. Two souls become one and sex is a way we connect by physically becoming one. It's the ultimate connection to another human in my opinion, and that is a sacred thing. Stick with your gut instinct always!

Sara - posted on 11/12/2009

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I thought the point of swinging was that it was something you do TOGETHER...if it makes you uncomfortable, he shouldn't do it, period. If the lifestyle you have chosen is going to work, you have to be completely open and honest with eachother!

Jane - posted on 11/12/2009

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Theresa,

Good for you for posting!! I certainly have never done anything like that coz I just know I would be a real jealous ninny hehe

I agree with the other ladies though..If you are uncomfortable with the situation, then something is wrong and you shouldn't go ahead with it !! Definitely talk to hubby about it and tell him that it makes you uncomfortable and go from there!!

Best of luck hun x x

April - posted on 11/12/2009

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The only time that swinging works is if both parties agree to what's going on. If you don't both agree, that only allows room for resentment. If you're not comfortable with this happening this way, then put a stop to it now. Try and renegotiate the terms. If both of you can't agree it may be time to stop the lifestyle.

Theresa - posted on 11/12/2009

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Quoting autum:

This happened to my friend and well they got divorced and the girl separated from her man and now they are married.



i kinda doubt this will happen but ya never know. love & sex is a funny thing... thanks for the thought.

Theresa - posted on 11/12/2009

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Quoting autum:

This happened to my friend and well they got divorced and the girl separated from her man and now they are married.



i kinda doubt this will happen but ya never know. love & sex is a funny thing... thanks for the thought.

Autum - posted on 11/12/2009

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This happened to my friend and well they got divorced and the girl separated from her man and now they are married.

Amanda - posted on 11/12/2009

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First of all Jennifer she is not "babysitting" her children.. People who say that piss me off...

... anyhow... i have a really good friend and her husband and her just started swinging with this other couple. They just recently took it to the level of having sex with each others partners in different rooms, but doing it at the same time. THEY are ok with that.. however, me my self would not be able to think of my husband having sex with someone else or just playing with someone else without me there... or at all... like everyone else said, if its out of your comfort zone, stick to your gut! an honest open relationship is the best... GOOD LUCK!!!!

Amanda - posted on 11/12/2009

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don't do anything out of your comfert zone. if your uncomfertable just tell him that you don't agree...otherwise it could cause resentment or just bad fceelings down the road.

Theresa - posted on 11/12/2009

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thanks ladies. i dont think that it would bother me that bad if he would let me in the same room to atleast watch or something but he dont even want me there which really makes me not want to do ne thing w/ her b/f even though he is really lookin forward to being w/ me?

Catherine - posted on 11/12/2009

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Quoting Theresa:

couple swinging

ok so i only want honest answers and no one to think omg she is married and does wat? with that being said my husband and i swing. up until this point i have been fine w/ it however for next arrangement he doesnt want me there it will be a girl and her b/f and him and in return im to get to be by myself w/ the girls b/f at a different time. i dont know if i like this idea cuz we have always been at the same place when doing it before and i want us both to enjoy it but something about it dont feel right...if ne one does this write me back otherwise please dont judge me.



Ok this is not something I have personal experience with but...I have friend who's marriage came very close to imploding because they took their swinging to the point of doing it separately. It is no longer a couple experience but a situation fraught with jealousy, suspicion and insecurity. Don't do it. I you need to swing insist on always doing it together. If not you may as well call it an open relation ship not swinging.

Jennifer - posted on 11/12/2009

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Hey. . . to each his own! And, I think it's great that you are confident enough in yourself to post such a question, knowing there are people out there that may not agree with your lifestyle.



My opinion - if this is something that you and your husband began doing together, then it should continue that way. Unless you had an open discussion at the beginning about separately joining other couples, then I really think it is inappropriate for him to assume that it is ok, especially when you are babysitting your children while he is getting action without you. I would be completely uncomfortable with it! Be honest with him. He should understand, respect your feelings, and hold off until there is another opportunity which includes you as well! Good luck!

Connie - posted on 11/12/2009

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I agree with Tena - it was because of my husbands desires to go solo that we put the halt on it all - I honestly think he didn't mean any harm - but it was waaaaayyyyy past my comfort zone. We haven't been involved with others since.

Sabrina - posted on 11/12/2009

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I have been in your situation. Hubby and I were swingers for a few years. I refused to cntinue when he requested this same thing. we actually did this and he ended up being the jelous one. I was uncomfortable and should have said no from the beginning. I would seriously listen to your gut. That will never steer you wrong.

Tena - posted on 11/12/2009

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If it is out of your comfort zone, then it is not a good idea...previously it has been something you enjoyed as a couple, and if your not comfortable and at ease then the timing is bad or it will just develope into a larger issue later. that is just my humble opinion, talk openly w/ hubby and maybe you can figure out a better solution.

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