Court and Kids

Amanda - posted on 05/16/2011 ( 17 moms have responded )

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I have a 3 year old daughter and her dad just got served with child support and custody papers. He is a wonderful father and everything i just dont trust his girlfriend its like she is trying to take my daughter and turn that into a prepaed family. So my question is do i let him see her or do i wait till after court to let her go back over there?

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Rebecca - posted on 05/16/2011

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If you start to play dirty could get into a very bitter battle and your daughter will be the one caught in the middle. I say try to make it as easy as possible! My husband is still almost 11 years later fighting and my stepdaughter is the one left feeling the tension and guilt. A custody paper isn't going to prevent the GF from seeing her, and she can't get custody of her. I really hope you guys can get a fair agreement in place and not have a bitter fight.

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Amanda - posted on 05/20/2011

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Cause everysince we broke up he has been makin sure that am miserable and the more happy i get the madder he gets. He knows the only way to hurt me is threw her she is my world. He is a great dad when he spends time with her. But he only sees her when it is conventent for him.

Christy - posted on 05/19/2011

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Unless they have evidence that you are an unfit mother, they are not going to give him full custody. Ex having a girlfriend is no reason to keep dad from seeing his kids, either. The court is not going to give the mommy time to the girlfriend.

Amy - posted on 05/19/2011

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Why would they run, is there something else going on? Does he work, does he have ties in the community, own a home? I know it happens but is there a reason you feel like your husband would put your daughter through the trauma of taking her away from her mother?

Amanda - posted on 05/19/2011

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Its more the fact that am scared if she goes and sees him that they will keep her and run. It doesn't really have anything to do with his girlfriend.

Christina - posted on 05/19/2011

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I think it is pretty selfish that you want to keep his child away from him. How would you feel if he took your daughter and refused to give her back because he didn't like the guy you were dating? How would you like if he took you to court to obtain an order saying that your boyfriend could not be around your daughter?
If it would make you go ape-shit if someone does it to you, don't do it to them!

Amanda - posted on 05/17/2011

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This will be the first time we will have gone to court for custody. He is fine with the parenting plan that i set up but mad cause he has to pay child support. He hasn't givin me a dime in over a year and a half. But she loves her dad and i know its not about the money its whats in the best intrest of my daughter. I am just worried now that i have filed if he takes her on one of his weekends that he will take her from me. She has never been away from me for more than 2 days.

Sherri - posted on 05/17/2011

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If you already have a custody agreement in place you have to follow it. Also if he is a great dad you are only punishing your daughter by keeping her from her daddy. Seems like the girlfriend loves your daughter too so it seems to me that your daughter is perfectly safe with her daddy.

Rebecca - posted on 05/17/2011

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Well then the court order will protect now that you filed, you will get it in writing what should happen so hopefully easier on you! Might be easier if you did talk to him about why you did it, so he understands you don't want to lose time with your daughter. Best of luck.

Amanda - posted on 05/17/2011

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thank you everyone for the advice. Its kinda hard to keep the gf away beacuse they live together. Her father is just very easy malupulative and if his girlfriend plays her cards right she can get anything she wants out of him thats why am scared. just beacuse his girlfriend keeps making comments that they should have her full time and i can have her on the weekends. so confused

Amy - posted on 05/16/2011

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I understand that but my advice was to try talking to the ex to see if she could get him to agree to that! I also stated that she shouldn't stand in the way of her daughter seeing her father so even if he doesn't go for it she still shouldn't wait for a court order. The way I see it any father has to realize that his now 3 year old is going to grow up to be 16 and as a parent you have to think about the example you set for your kids!

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Actually... people HAVE gotten it into the court order that the parent is not allowed to have 'sleepovers' until they are married. Depends on what you want to fight though. ;)

Ashley - posted on 05/16/2011

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Amy i agree with you but im just going to point out to Amanda since i have been through this you can not dictate your ex's life regardless if you like it or not you cant tell him his girlfriend cant stay over and keep your daughter away because you dont like it. Remember one day you may want a boyfriend how hard do you want him to make your life when you decide to date. once again good luck

Amy - posted on 05/16/2011

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I wouldn't wait for a court order to say that it's ok for your daughter to see her father. That's not fair to your daughter or her father, not only that it probably wouldn't look good for you in court if her father has always been a good dad. You can try talking to him and letting him know you don't feel comfortable with the new girlfriend staying overnight when your daughter is visiting because you are afraid of the example you will be setting in the long run but that would mean the same rule applies at your house.

Ashley - posted on 05/16/2011

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You can not keep her from her father simply because he has a girlfriend the courts do not like that, I understand its not easy but its very important to get along with everyone and as much as you dont like her getting close with your daughter would you like it any more if she ignored her or was mean you cant have it both ways she is probably just trying to figure out were her place is. She will be a part of her life its best to keep communication with her open and fair. As a bio and step mom i can tell you that the only person that will suffer is your daughter if you dont try to be nice. Ask her for coffee talk to her treat her like a friend and tell her your concerns nicely and see if you can get more comfortable. best of luck

Katherine - posted on 05/16/2011

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You can do either but it looks better if you allow him visitation now. That way it doesn't appear that you're blocking him from seeing her. It doesn't sound like she's doing anything dangerous.....

Cinda - posted on 05/16/2011

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I would ry talking with her father first and let him know of your concern. He's still her father and as long as he's not abusive you should still let him see her. My fiancee's ex wife doesn't like me and uses his 3 girls against him to hurt him and not only does it hurt him but the girls as well. Try having a conversation about your concerns and see where that leads.=)

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