COURTS, BABY DADDYS, and HEARTACHE

Harley - posted on 02/03/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

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So pretty soon im going to have a little baby boy and the father and I are not together. He wants to be in the childs life which i am VERY thankful for, but I just cant figure out how to get past all the hurtful/selfish things he has said so that i can get along with him. He is refusing to sign any papers for child support (claims I should just ask him when I need money) and is being very very stubborn when it comes to figuring out a visit schedule... In other words, we are going to have to go to court and I worried that everything will go his way... has anyone on here ever seen the courts give the father over half the week with overnights right after the child is born?.. Niether one of us are bad people, infact we are pretty equal as far as money as well, the only difference is he still lives with his parents, and he doesnt have the mechanics to breast feed, do you think courts would really make me give up breast feeding so that he could have the baby?

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Harley - posted on 02/03/2015

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I know he isnt going to purposly put him in harms way.. he really isnt a bad guy, he is just very immature, and selfish.. he is still living with mommy and daddy is has been spoiled his whole life so he knows nothing else besides getting his own way... that is the reason I split with him in the first place.. I couldnt take the selfishness, I was brought up to respect other people and be thankful for what you have, not rub it in others faces.. but anyways... I do think he will be a good dad and i have told im that before... I have also tried to tell him what you said about not keeping him from his child, but every time I turn around he is accusing me of pushing him out of the babies life.. so i gave up on trying to convince him im not... Thank you for your input tho, it is nice to hear it from a mutual person who isnt just trying to feed me BS to make me feel ok...lol

Raye - posted on 02/03/2015

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Yeah, men think they know everything. It is natural to worry, but have some faith. Men aren't always bumbling idiots (just most the time, lol). He's probably not going to put his child in danger. And this is his child as much as your child. Reassure him that you will not keep him from seeing the baby, you're just looking out for the child's well being in these early stages when he is most fragile. Hopefully your ex will calm down.

Harley - posted on 02/03/2015

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Thank you for that.. that is what people keep telling me but I get so nervous that they are just telling me what I want to hear to make me feel better... I have tried to tell him he can have baby during the day on his days off, just not at night and not for 4 or 5 days in a row... He refuses to read any baby material saying he already knows what he is doing because he watched his mom raise his nephew, must be nice, im the oldest of 6 and have babysat all my life and im still scared to death of what I dont know... I would never use breastfeeding against him, I want him to be part of his sons life, but I do think that it is important that I atleast get to try and breastfeed as it is healthier for the both of us...
I am just so nervous about court because I know he will go get some fancy lawyer that I cant afford and I have the worst fear that he will win everything he wants like usual.. but I guess thats because im already so inlove with my son (who isnt born yet) and i just want to protect him and have as much time as possible with him ♥

Raye - posted on 02/03/2015

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All else being equal, courts still tend to favor the mother. No, the court usually does not award overnight stays with the father if the baby is breastfeeding (until about 1 year of age). BUT if the father suspects the mother is using breastfeeding as a reason to deny him visitation, the court would have to decide whether breastfeeding was more important than the development of the bond between father and baby. So don't rely on that as your only reason to keep him from the child.

No, you should not "just ask him for money". He should be liable for child support payments. Don't be afraid to go to court. Once they have custody, visitation, and child support all mandated, then at last you both will know what you should be doing without all the arguing. Then you can focus on being good parents.

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