Crappy Role Models

Shannintipton - posted on 05/29/2011 ( 27 moms have responded )

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Honestly, are you bad role models for your kids? How about hubby. Is he less than a stellar role model. Well I have to say today is not one of our finer moments. Hubby is ALWAYS teasing my four year old when she starts to cry. He mocks her which makes her cry harder. So he keeps doing it back to her until she screams at the top of her lungs. Well today my 8 year old son starting to chime in. I just wanted to rip my honey a new one. My God what are we doing to our poor kids? Any advice on how to get my eldest (meaning hubby) to stop teasing her. Any and All advice would be great. Thank you in advance.

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Kristina - posted on 05/29/2011

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I might mention to him that it's not about his daughter right now but about your son. Does he want to raise a man who treats women with suck lack of care and respect? Not only is your son bullying his sister, but he's learning it's okay to treat all women this way. I'm not saying your son is a big bully, i'm just saying that this is the type of behavior he's modeling to his son and it can just expand into how he treats all women when he's an adult.

Also right now with your husbands behavior he's modeling a lack of empathy of the feelings of others. So while he's teasing, he's also showing them its okay not to care when others are upset.

As for his daughter, he's showing her that her feelings do not matter, and when she is an adult she's not going to have a very high bar of expectations when it comes to how other men treat her if her own dad treats her this way.

It's not just about teasing her in the moment when she's a little girl and he'll stop when she gets older. He's molding them right now with each moment.

Now i'm sure your guy is a loving caring sweet father otherwise, but even the smallest things we don't think matter as parents can place seeds in the hearts of our children.

I personally have those uh oh did I just do that moments, so yeah. My major one is being negative about everything, and I find my kids also jumping to negativity when they're upset about something. Now I have to work on trying to put a positive spin on crappy situations so I raise positive joyful children.

[deleted account]

Talk to him nicely about it ONE more time. Then have him read Lissa's response and buy a baseball bat. What a royal jerk to pick on his own baby that way!! :(

JuLeah - posted on 05/29/2011

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That is what a bully does. It is mean. He is setting the stage for his future relationship with her. Does he think she feels respected or valued? He is teaching his son to be a bully and de value his sister.
Your husband, odds are, is pained when she is in pain. He hurts when she hurts, I get that. But his behavior won't make it go away, a hug from him might.
Have him read my responce. My father reacted to tears in the same way. He did other things too, but ask me how many decads it has been since my father and I spoke?

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 05/31/2011

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I think it's good to try but coming from a family who has a lot of issues and never works on any of them..... sometimes it can have a worse effect. Make them shut down more, become more defensive. So I think it's more of a crap shoot when trying to get someone who is fully grown to stop doing something that is harmful. Look at druggies, this is a big jump in thought here, but I was surprised to recently learn that if they are hospitalized they do not put them in rehab. I thought, why not?! Isn't that standard? On drugs, get caught, go to rehab court ordered? Apparently not and in the end when I was thinking about it, it makes the most sense not going to rehab..... why? Because forcing someone to change doesn't happen. You can't do it. They have to want to change. So your best bet is to try to get your husband to want to change. Try appealing in any way to his emotions you can, but still... it may not work :( it sucks

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My advice would be to sit him down with the kids at a sitters and explain to him the damage he is causing; low self esteem, being a roll model for the other child, the other child thinking it’s the “right” way of life (just like a Domestic Violence situation, when a child grown up thinking it’s a normal way of life), and the emotional strain he is causing. By doing this in a calm environment without pointing fingers, but making suggesting of changing his behavior to a positive one. This way is will be less of a feeling of attack.

This is what I would try and if it failed me and he blows me off, I then turn to sarcasm. When something bad happens to him, I’d make him feel like crap and then pull him aside and ask him how he feels. That has been my new tactic for dealing with a lot of people, and I have to say, it has worked for some strange reason. I only started doing this sarcasm thing in the last two years out of being frustrated with people in denial of their bad behavior, it points it out and gets their attention right when it happens so there is no denial.

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√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 05/30/2011

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Yay :) let me know when your nose finally bumps into someone........ might want to keep it either really low or really high :) haha

Shannintipton - posted on 05/29/2011

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No, I can't find any takers to talk to me? So I have just been zipping around being nosy.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 05/29/2011

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I don't think so? Although on this one ladies posting a day ago she wrote she was suicidal so I wrote a response about all of her options. Ex: changing medications, drinking, socializing, going the all natural way as far as medications go..... and got yelled at saying it was a horrible idea lol just because she came from an alcoholic home.... obveiously someone over did it in her house...... pretty much the only negative thing besides that whole Mylicon debate.

I think the worst debate to get into is vaccines......... omg, people get way too testy lol

What about you?

Shannintipton - posted on 05/29/2011

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It makes this place look very very plain. Too stimulating for my little brain. Too many options on how to set up your homepage. Too many options for setting up your text. and so on. I check it out in very small doses.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 05/29/2011

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Nope.. haven't searched. Heard of Cafemom signed up and get emails but don't go on there yet. I just figured out this one so LOL heck if I'm getting on another one yet my attention span is like .5 degrees from running away from even ME :)

Shannintipton - posted on 05/29/2011

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What do you think. I think it has too many bells and whistles for me. I am not tekky at all. I would love to be more active there. Do you know of any others like these two?

Shannintipton - posted on 05/29/2011

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Nichole,
Have you ever heard of Cafemom or have you ever been a member there?

Shannintipton - posted on 05/29/2011

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Cha-Ching
That response just won a check in all four ratings. 'Helpful' 'Nice' 'Funny' and 'Encouraging'

You have just won a lifetime of me bitching and moaning about what an ASS my hubby can be. You lucky, lucky girl.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 05/29/2011

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Well I mean, tell him in private that it sucks he's such an ASS because asses are supposed to be beautiful, curvy, art inspiring, sexually charged peices of our anatamy and yet everytime you think of an ASS all you think of is him and the bullshit that comes out of him which is not sexual nor pleasant at all :)





If she cries over nothing alot, I'd try to address this as well as buying a baseball bat for the ASS :)



She's old enough to not be whining so much, so everytime she cries, I'd start to take her away from her dad, and if it's valid, help her, if it isn't, maybe start training her about being a big big girl as she's going to start going through a lot of changes. Talk about the pretty nail polishes, high heels and fun of being a girl or something lol I don't know I'm babbling woooooooohooo

Shannintipton - posted on 05/29/2011

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Hey Nichole,
I get so mad when he does this and he does it all the time. I have to admit she cries a lot over nothing. But it is a big deal to her. I get that. When he does this she is crying, he is mocking her, and then I am yelling at him. It is horrible. Get this, he is always telling me we need to be on the same page when it comes to the kids. Yeah, when it is something he wants them to do he wants me to back him up. Then lets be on the same page and stop teasing her ASS. I just threw in the Ass part. lol
We are not perfect parents and we don't always see eye to eye on everything. But we try. But this is the worst thing that he does. Most everything else he is pretty good at.
I think my next plan of action is to call him on in front of other people. Let him see the reaction of others when they hear that he does this. Maybe if he hears it from someone else besides me he may actually listen. Sad but probably true.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 05/29/2011

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I'd lock my kid in the bedroom with me or bathroom when he does it but then again I wouldn't argue with my husband for a year if he was being this big of a disrespectful ASS to our child. I'd flip out a lot sooner and put an end to it..... but then I can be the female version of ASS so I don't let crap continue lol



Add to edit - I like the baseball bat thing...... yeah that might work too. Kicking HIM out to go to the store...... or the dog house.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 05/29/2011

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If he isn't going to stop when you tell him to, because that is horrible.......... take her away from him when he does it. Period. Tell him when he learns to act older than she is, he can interact with her again. Seriously, protect her. Don't let it happen. Drive away in a car to go to the store or the mall for a little while if you need to (if he follows you into another room) but I wouldn't let it continue. No matter what. He needs to grow up.

Shannintipton - posted on 05/29/2011

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Thanks Kristina,
That was perfect. Now could you come over to my house and kick the crap out of Mark. Just kidding.

Your answer is so dead on. I will actually read it to him. I didn't see how wrong of him to be doing this on so many levels. I can't thank you enough. It is like an ah-ha moment. And I think I am a little madder then before because it is sooooo wrong. idk all I can say is thank you. You have given me a lot to think about.

Shannintipton - posted on 05/29/2011

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I agree. I have been on him about that for probably a year now. But this time I think I have some ammo. He is dragging my son into it. He has to see how wrong that is. Or he is a bigger ASS than I thought.

Katherine - posted on 05/29/2011

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I find that a lot of men do this and I don't know why.

It's not funny, or cute. I would DRAG him aside and tell him it's not appropriate!!!!!


I would tell him how horrible he is making her feel. That is awful!!!

Shannintipton - posted on 05/29/2011

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Hey Lissa, hubby was sitting right hear when you answered. haha. All I have done in the past is yell at him to stop, but that to me is counter-productive. I feel stupid yelling at him about yelling at her. I have tried to talk with him and I will do it again. This time I will use the fact that Tyler is now doing it too. What kind of example are you setting for your son. Not to mention it is very bad for Tarah. He does this to my mom too. I have to get ready for lunch with MIL, but I wanted to thank you.

Shannintipton - posted on 05/29/2011

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Liz, when she starts crying about any little thing, which she does a lot. He will start crying (loudly) and then she starts crying harder and louder, so he starts crying louder until she explodes and screams at the top of her lungs. This will go on for what seems like 10 minutes. I hate it.

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