Cry it out debate bw hubby and I

Liz - posted on 09/11/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My hubby and I are the proud parents of a 4 month old boy. Currently i'm exclusively breastfeeding and at home w baby until I return to work next month. My style of parenting is more of the nurture (using my mommy instincts to see what's wrong first) and my hubby seems to want the baby to cry so that he will be able to be watched by "someone other than his mommy". Baby is also teething. My hubby and I have had some pretty heated disagreements bc he feels all I do is spoil the baby all day and it makes it difficult for other people wanting to watch him. When I tell my hubby how independent baby has been, to him i'm creating excuses to not feel "personally attacked". Today, baby was very quiet all day and allowed me to clean up the house. However he was gumming on his hands, blankets..anything he could get his hands on. By the time my hubby got off work, baby got fussy and hubby felt baby only wanted me. I gave baby some all natural teething medication and baby went back to being fine, jumping away in his jumper. But during the fussy moment, my hubby was pretty upset and said he would just let the baby cry bc he's acting spoiled. I'm upset bc i would love my hubby to problem solve first before trying to just make baby cry it out all the damn time. What do u suggest?

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Wendy - posted on 09/12/2013

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I just hope it helps Liz. If not send me another message and I will try to think about what else I've done or would do in your situatation. I am sure your husband is a great man, I think he is feeling somewhat wounded right now. Dads feel so left out when babies are that young but once the baby starts to interact more with him and as your boy ages their relationship will change and I think hubby will feel more useful and involved.
Hang in there, your a great mum!!

Wendy J

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Mardi - posted on 09/13/2013

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Sometimes you have to put it all into black and white. Make signs/lists of things that need to be done....have a refidex or something that he can turn too....geez send him here and he can ask any stupid question and we will try and be nice to him and help him out.

After reading this again,....is this just his macho side coming out........do you know what he is like when your not around??? He may be just as drawn in to nurture, if your not around to proove his point too....... do you leave bubs with him now for periods, so they get to do some one on one bonding, before you go back to work???

Going back to work, honey, it will break your heart, it will tak e away some of your power and control, but it doesn't make you any less a mother, if anything a more well balanced adult......but take baby steps, give you and bubs time to adjust (possibly before and not just all in one go next month when your due back at work).

Oh and heres a hint.....babies/toddlers/preschoolers will cry when you leave them, thats their power thing, but dont bet that 95% of the time, they dont start having fun the minute you are out of earshot........lol

Mardi - posted on 09/12/2013

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So how long would it take him to work out to change a full nappy, or he going to wait until the child can tell him he needs a change???

Wendy - posted on 09/11/2013

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First of all you CANNOT spoil a baby. Follow your instincts as a mother. If they cry you tend to them. They will eventually start to learn to self sooth but you don't want that to happen due to neglecting their cries. When I wanted my husband to understand our child's developmental process and needs I usually sent or gave him an article to read from the Internet or book. They may be reluctant to read as sometimes they feel like you are being critical but keep trying. It is absolutely normal and common for the daddy to feel left out when their I'd such a strong bond between mother and child. When your baby is calm try to involve your husband in playing, singing, cuddling etc. and be supportive. It is really stressful on them too.
I think you know what you are doing when you naturally want to go to your child when he/she is in distress or is simply wanting to be interacted with. Keep up the good job momma!! :)

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