Current. Need help

Renee - posted on 01/25/2016 ( 23 moms have responded )

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My child father is not the best father. He just started seeing my child right beofre he turned two. Hes now three. In the beginning, he wasnt around during pregnancy or birth or his first two years on this earth. Dont get me wrong threw pregnancy I was over his and his girlfriend house/ The other women of his two kids. Who blamed me for even being prego. But took him back and tried to accept me having his child. Well over the three years its been nothing but drama. His dad lacks communication with me. The other mother of his kids has talked down on my child. Saying things like "that baby can burn in hell," "or umma have fun spending ur child money even tho i know he need things" "or he aint get my baby thoes kind"(cheap diapers) or making fun of the fact he wasnt there for his heart surgery. The list goes on. But now currently i have still allowed my son to go over, he has brothers there. Hes still with the other mother of his kids so its hard to forget all the bad thisgs ahe has said and his lack. She lets it be known if it wasnt for her he wouldn't even care to pick him up. It bothers me so much and all i want is for his dad to be more helpful twards the situation and show more concerns and communicate more with me. The other mother has also threatened to stop doing for him on many occasions. Im just at my breaking point and have been keeping my son at home at least till i can drop him off and pick him up. For my sanity. Is this selfish of me

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Raye - posted on 01/25/2016

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Renee, I agree with the other moms that you should talk to a lawyer or get some kind of legal aid. You obviously don't know what the laws are where you live, and what rights and responsibilities each parent has. Even if you live in a state where a single mom is granted automatic custody, the father still has rights.

You need court orders that say you have custody, and visitation orders for the father outlining when he's allowed time with the child. That way each parent knows what their rights are. If you have evidence that you can show the court of real danger that the child is in by being with the father, show that to the judge. But if the father gets visitation, you have to let him have his time with his child. Try not to listen to the father's other baby-mama. Ignore their bullshit the best you can, but keep any texts that would demonstrate their behavior to show the court.

You should also file for child support. The father (regardless of custody/visitation) is financially responsible to help raise his child.

Sarah - posted on 01/25/2016

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Renee, what may prove helpful to you is to contact Legal Aide in your county. A lawyer or social worker may be able to explain your rights, your son's father's right and your son's rights. Once you have a clear picture of your legal responsibility you can proceed with custody, visitation and child support arrangements.

Ev - posted on 01/25/2016

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I do not get it. Why are you being this way? Your issues with dad have nothing to do with dad having a relationship with HIS son. You have to get over them. Its childish to think you can hold this child from his father. It won't be considered kidnapping if he has the kid and does not give him back. The police won't get involved unless there are court orders.

Ev - posted on 01/25/2016

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That goes with the territory, Renee. I got divorced 13 years ago from my ex husband. We have two kids together. We had to get custody and such sorted out. He has two other wives since me and that is full of drama. You can not have one without the other sometimes. You just have to learn to deal with it or just to ignore drama. The more you ignore the drama then it will to some point lesson.

Dove - posted on 01/25/2016

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Not having a court order puts your child's entire life and well being at risk. That is a fact... especially when you have procreated w/ someone of questionable character. It is MORE important to have a court order in these situations... not less.

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Dove - posted on 01/25/2016

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If you have proof that your child is being hit w/ a belt... present it in court. That is illegal in at least most states (probably not all) and could be grounds for legally requiring him to have supervised visitations w/ the child.

Ev - posted on 01/25/2016

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I am not saying you are not part of things but when a dad has his kids on his own and you are not there with them, you do not know what they are actually doing.

Renee - posted on 01/25/2016

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Ok well i guess thats how s is and gonna be. I cant control the relationship he has w his dad im not there i have no part in that ok. Understood

Ev - posted on 01/25/2016

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He is involved if he is seeing his kid and taking him for visitation time. You are not there are you when he and his son are doing things?

Renee - posted on 01/25/2016

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My child just turned three and he woops him w a belt. Theres much more to being a father then just picking him up everyonday and bring him on on Wednesday. Hes not involved in nothing he just does that.

Renee - posted on 01/25/2016

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Right now the thigs he did to me has nothing to do w his lack of being a father. Just bc i had this conversation and these two ladies helped me umma allow him over there. But till this day forward i am going to take steps to getting some type of legal documentation of our custody. Bc he does belong to us both i understand that. Its not about me. Even tho i have to deal w all the drama and emotional stress.

Renee - posted on 01/25/2016

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I have birthday certificate i have social i have everything his father needs for him to take him to a doc appointment ect. Him keeping him away will be just childish. I have real non stoop issues w his father. And for that to happen he will have to basically kidnap where i dont know where hes at bc I wont leave till either im told by law enforcement or my child is in my care

Ev - posted on 01/25/2016

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That baby belongs to both of you. You both helped to create that child. Its not about your or dad but the best needs and interests of the child that are at danger here. You can only do so much. You need to get this taken care of asap. You have to learn to get over your feelings of dad and move on for the betterment and benefit or your son's future.

Renee - posted on 01/25/2016

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If he can keep my son away i will never go a day w out trying to get him back that's my baby.

Renee - posted on 01/25/2016

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I do feel i need to take him to court so they can handle it. Just so i can have legal documents stating custody. To better understand co parenting i dont want to seem spiteful i just want my son to know both his parents care about him and his well being and to work together to make sure he feels nothing lesser.

Dove - posted on 01/25/2016

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And what will happen to your emotional state if during the next visitation his father refuses to return him to you? If he has proof that he's the father and you do not have a custody order... that is well w/in his legal right to do and then you will HAVE to go to court to get your child back.

You can think that won't happen all you want... but you have absolutely no way to know for sure. If the situation is as volatile as you make it sound... I wouldn't be too quick to assume it won't happen.

Ev - posted on 01/25/2016

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Renee--you do not get it. This is not about you but the baby and his rights to financial obligations and relationships with both parents. Do you also realize that dad can keep him and not give him back to you? That is why you need to get this taken care of now.

Renee - posted on 01/25/2016

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I understand but he will never take me to get visitation if he did that will be good least i see he really wants to have his rights. But other then that his dad dont care enough to go that route. Thank u so much for ur help. Courts are out the question bc i have enough things on my plate..ill rather wait till im mobile and drop him off right there im not keeping him away for good he can come see him. This is for me. My son needs his mom to be stable not a emotional wreak bc all the issues i have that has not been adressed. I feel very bad about this bc my son loves his dad dont get me wrong but im trying to protect him from the future being how it is today, when hes older and understand more. Theres no guarantees his dad will always be there for him. I'm afraid of that. His lacks the drama w the other girl. Its all to much.i want to be a happy peaceful mother who is more than happy to send my son off for days w no worries. I would want that more than a little bit. I get some time for me. I love my baby alot and i dont want to hurt him by this. But its not permanent

Ev - posted on 01/25/2016

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Courts are too much? Renee, they are there to help in these situations. If you get that set up then it gets you the financial help through child support to help. Custody and visitation are also set up so that both you and dad know your roles in this matter and you would have to stick by them.
Keeping a child from his father is not a good idea: Dad can exert his rights and take you to court for visitation and such or even custody and because you have kept the child from him called parental alienation. Its not up to you to decide if dad sees the child or not. They have a right to a relationship.

Renee - posted on 01/25/2016

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Its really not like the father cares or even want my child. If he did i wouldn't put it in my hands because it would be an option we wouldbt be i this predicament if he was helping out more. I do Everthinng for him from birthdays, school, doctors appointments he shows no interest. He called his own son retarded and its f me. Courts are to much for me. And theres no need to take it that far bc im keeping him away from someone witch so happens to be his dad, who has not been an active nor good role model in my son life
And it temporary just untill i can deop him off and pick him up. Due to the issues of getting him home or even coming to get him at times. I just feel i need to pick up his slack and since i cannot count on him to work w me for us to be better umma better myself and be that annoying parent who making sure he dont miss to much important things to make sure my son is getting the care he need wherever he is. If my son talked i would feel alot better.

Dove - posted on 01/25/2016

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But first... lock the other 4 identical posts to this one that you made, so that people don't get confused on where to respond.

Dove - posted on 01/25/2016

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You need to have a court order for custody, visitation, and child support. It isn't your place to 'allow' your son to see his father. That's your son's RIGHT... but you need a court order in place to legally protect all of you.

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