custody

Kristen - posted on 02/21/2015 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Right now my ex and I are disputing custody of the children! As of now he lives at home with his mother and has no bills! He has a flexible work schedule and had been taking them at night after work putting them to bed and taking them to school in the am...I work at 6am and he does not want someone taking care of them in the morning besides us! I pick them up every day after school and on weekends over night but I've told him from the beginning I've wanted week on week off and he always has a fight about it! 1)He doesn't want someone he doesn't know watching them ! 2) he feels I'm being neglectful of their needs by getting a before school baby sitter. 3) he doesn't want me dragging them out at that time in the morning for day care! 4) he doesn't want to be separated for 7 days. 5) he doesn't want to do the separation suddenly! So in my attempt to please him I've been taking everything he's asked into consideration so 1) I've contacted an old sitter we had for them as babies and offered her the position! (Someone he knows) 2) I feel that there is no difference in a before school sitter too an after school sitter. 3) the sitter is willing to come to my home and care for them and provide transportation to school! 4)I said if he wanted to see the children during the week that I have them he could pick them up for dinner or whatever he chose but they would be returned after! 5) I've put the start date of sitter for a month out and even offered a couple nights a week to ease into it! My question is should I just file for joint custody through the court to avoid this fighting and feeling of being denied my right to parent the children during their night time activities! I feel I've been bullied enough and I'm asking for equal time not anymore!

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Michelle - posted on 02/21/2015

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I agree with Jodi.
You seem to have a good deal at the moment so why change it?
I have done 50/50 shared care for the last 10 years and started off with week about, it does get hard on the children (like moving house every week) so we now do 3 weeks and still every 2nd weekend.
I would suggest still getting court orders but be prepared for the judge to rule that what you have now is working and not change it.
I'm also wondering why you made a point of saying he lives with his Mother and has no bills. What has that got to do with anything?

Jodi - posted on 02/21/2015

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Why isn't what you are doing now working? From what I can see, you are getting them overnight every weekend, and you are still seeing them every day after school, and the kids don't have to have a sitter at all. It seems like win-win for the kids with this arrangement. And if it has been status quo for a while, the court may very well approve it.

I know you see it as him bullying you....but you are also trying to bully him into getting your way. Both of you are arguing your points here, not just him.

If you can't come to agreement, then yes, file in the court and let the judge decide. But just remember, the fighting is happening because both of you want your way, not just him.

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Ev - posted on 02/22/2015

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I have to agree with the ladies here. You do not want to go in to the court and be fighting over who gets what and why. This sounds like a good set up as it is but it would not hurt to have it court ordered so that nether of you can get out of it suddenly or make changes. I just wish my ex had been more willing to work things out than he had been when we split up. The kids suffer for it more. Its not about you or him but their needs.

Dove - posted on 02/21/2015

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I should have responded differently... I do agree w/ both of you ladies that it does seem to be working just fine AND the added bonus of the kids being w/ a parent vs. being w/ a sitter.

You both see the kids pretty much every day.... That is awesome for your kids!

Dove - posted on 02/21/2015

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Do you have a current court order? If not...You definitely need a court order for joint custody.

Now... I think it is best to work out an arrangement between the parents that works best for everyone involved and have a judge sign off on this... you can go to mediation and do this... instead of having to pay for lawyers and have a 'battle' on your hands, but a court order is an absolute must.

Changed my answer a bit because I DO think the arrangement you have now sounds pretty sweet for everyone involved.

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