custody

Brittney - posted on 08/10/2015 ( 52 moms have responded )

10

0

1

Im a single mother of a 3month old baby boy. His dad only brought him a pack of pampers..this was 3months ago. Dont i have full custody of my child?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jodi - posted on 08/13/2015

3,562

36

3907

Elle, clearly you have not read through ALL of the OP's posts. She says it right there in her second post:
"As i see it i take care of my son while he does nothing he doesnt do anything for my son so therefore i have custody & will not allow him around my son period."

So yes, she HAS actually indicated she is going to refuse him seeing the child. Perhaps, before berating people on a thread you should read it first. Then you may not look quite so silly.

Sarah - posted on 08/12/2015

10,227

0

26

I also found this:
You automatically have parental responsibility if:
..."You are an unmarried father and are registered on the birth certificate; this applies only to those births registered since December 1 2003."
Parental Responsibility is defined:
"PR is defined in the Children Act 1989 as “all the rights, duties, powers, responsibilities and authorities which by law a parent of a child has in relation to the child and his property”
This is obviously a controversial and grey area, acting without good legal counsel is unwise.

Jodi - posted on 08/10/2015

3,562

36

3907

Oh dear....it's going to be a LONG 18 years for you if you take this attitude.

First, don't complain about not receiving child support if you haven't filed for it.

Second, child support is totally separate, LEGALLY, to custody and visitation.

I fail to see how a father just opted out of a child's life, when that child is only 3 months old. You haven't even given him a chance. Instead, you have just up and decided to exclude him from the child's life. That's not your decision to make - that's the court's decision to make.

By all means, go ahead and continue to cut the father out of the child's life. If he requests visitation, go ahead and deny, deny, deny. If you think that's your right, then go for it. However, the law will look at it differently. It is called parental alienation, and many a mother has lost custody entirely because she has done this. Maybe you will get lucky and you won't lose custody of your child, or your ex won't pursue through the courts.....and maybe you won't. Do you also play Russian Roulette?

I am assuming you have been smart enough to speak to a lawyer about it?

PS. This is not my opinion. This ACTUALLY happens to people. Enough people that you probably might like to reconsider the risk you are taking. But hey, if you know it all, then go with that.

Dove - posted on 08/10/2015

12,413

0

1354

lol Good luck w/ that sweetie... all he has to do is take your butt to court and you risk LOSING custody of your child. Giving birth and parenting for 3 months is nothing. It's not about our opinions... it's about the LAW. You'd better get a court order for custody and visitation and start allowing him time to develop a relationship w/ HIS child. Judges don't tend to like women who have your mindset and will not hesitate to give full custody to your child's father if they think you are not being reasonable w/ visitations....

Sarah - posted on 08/10/2015

10,227

0

26

NO. When you conceived this child together, you both became equally obligated to financially provide for the child until age 18. So file for child support. Just as you have to provide for the child you are both equally ENTITLED to parent the child. Your son is just as much his father's child as he is yours. You do not own him. If the father wants to see or share custody of his son, he has every right to expect to be able to do just that.

52 Comments

View replies by

Bryony - posted on 08/14/2015

13

0

2

Oh Elle I feel sad for you it's a tough situation your in. Don't let anyone make you feel bad. Your doing what you can just stay positive. No one can judge none of the women on here know you. its a touchy subject these days just own what ever decision you make no regrets you only live once.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/14/2015

13,264

21

2015

He's protesting because he is the child's father, and he's got the right to protest. Are you trying to tell me that, if the situation were reversed, YOU WOULD BE HAPPY WITH THE TERMS YOU'RE OFFERING????? Be COMPLETELY honest with yourself. Most likely, you would not be happy with those terms, so why should he?

PS, not a one of us called you stupid, Elle, nor did we infer it. Young, yes. Naive, perhaps.

Jodi - posted on 08/13/2015

3,562

36

3907

This isn't about you Elle. But just for your info....he has a right to protest, whether you agree or not, whether he has reason or not. It's still his right.

Elle - posted on 08/13/2015

25

0

3

And no I am not making it difficult for my X to see his daughter in anyway. You didn't read the entire post for me. I am taking my daughter to see her just as much as she does now. That is the reason I said I didn't see why he was protesting. Anyway. I am done with this site and the way you all have spoken to me and others. I may be young but I am not stupid.

Elle - posted on 08/13/2015

25

0

3

Your right I didn't read it all. But for everyone to say I am in the same situation. Really made me mad.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/13/2015

13,264

21

2015

@ Elle "They have never deadbeat dad"...Really? Did you actually ASSume that you are dealing with morons?

FYI, honey, WE are the ones with experience here, and YOU are the ones going through this custody thing for the first time. How can we tell? These quaint little phrases: "No judge in his right mind would grant custody to a man who doesn't support his kid"...Yet you are not taking into account that you, the mothers, are deliberately making it difficult for these men. That, my dear, will most definitely bite you in the ass in court.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/13/2015

21,273

9

3058

Brittney, sorry love but it is clear that you are operating solely on emotions considering that you and your ex are no longer together. It is clear you are just trying to hurt him, and keep him away from the child you made together. You are mad for him leaving, but that does not make what you are doing ok.

In the long run, your child will suffer if you continue along this road. First things first, he will be petitioned by the court for a paternity test. Then, it will go from there. It would be in your best interest and your childs, if you got child support. I mean, it is his baby also (isn't it? Or were there other potential fathers?). He has rights. Whether you want to deny them or not. Your child has rights also. Rights to know each parent. I am glad that you have taken the first step to get a lawyer and start the process.

Be responsible. You are a mother now. Not everything is about you. Quite frankly, it is about your child. ANd what is right for the baby. Not what will make you feel powerful, or in control of the father. Get over it. Think about your baby. Not what you want. It is what your baby needs.

Dove - posted on 08/13/2015

12,413

0

1354

I've never seen a dead beat dad?!.... my kids spent a month this summer w/ their dad for the first time in TWO YEARS. He didn't even talk to 2/3 of his kids for over a year before he saw them....

I'm speaking from personal experience in my advice cuz it really, really, really sucks to have your child emotionally traumatized from visitations w/ a person he doesn't know... and that's all been COURT ORDERED.

OK... now to read from where I left off.... lol

Mr - posted on 08/13/2015

12

0

1

I just got emotional when I read this for two resins.

1, My mother did this to my father when I was a little boy. She ever went as far as teaching me to tell the court that my father molested me so that he would not have access to me and even sent him to prison for it. Do in the end I ended up with a stepfather that was a alcoholic and heroin addict serial killer that liked setting people of fire.

2, My ex skipped state and went missing with my twins. I had to become super stalker for years. I met my sons when they were 5. I feel robbed.

Raye - posted on 08/13/2015

3,761

0

21

Mr Mom, custody/visitation and child support are two different things. And, yes, if he cannot afford to pay, then he still has rights to have a relationship with his child. Brittany is hurting her child if she refuses to let the father see the child. He was good enough for her to sleep with, and he shares 50% of the DNA of that child, so he does have rights.

Many times, when the mother refuses to let the father see the child, the father doesn't know what his rights are and may fade away after being continually rebuked by the mother. But, should he choose to go to court, unless he is proven to be a danger to the child, the court will award some kind of visitation or even partial custody. If he can prove that she has alienated him from the child and has been hostile toward him, a judge may decide that he would get full custody (it's HAS happened).

We're trying to actually protect Brittney and her baby by telling her she needs to try to work with the father to come to an agreement so that it doesn't get nasty and it doesn't result in a judge's ruling against her. But if she doesn't want to listen, or listens to others (Elle) that gives inaccurate information because laws are different where Brittney lives, then it may go very badly for her.

Brittney, you should seek the advice of a lawyer who knows the laws in your area and can counsel you on the appropriate course of action to get the results you're looking for.

Mr - posted on 08/13/2015

12

0

1

I will stop you rite fucking there!!! He has every right to see his son even if he can not afford to take care of his son or even pay child support. The only way is if the father is a threat to the child.

Elle - posted on 08/12/2015

25

0

3

And I don't see on here anywhere that she refused to left her child see his dad. Just stated that he hasn't done anything for the child. Leave poor Brittney alone if she wants to be judged she will go to court.

Just sayin.

Elle - posted on 08/12/2015

25

0

3

@Brittney Brandon They have obviously never seen a dead beat dad. However no judge in their right mind would give the child to a father who doesn't do anything for the child, nor spends a dime on the child. If you would like to get any Child support however he will have to have a legal paternity test done anyway. I would go ahead and hire a lawyer and fight for custody that way he is obligated weather he likes it or not to provide for his little one.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/12/2015

13,264

21

2015

Elle, once paternity is proven, he definitely has the right to protest custody, and ask for either partial or full custody, and if he's got proof that the ex deliberately withheld visitation, the chances of him GETTING CUSTODY will be good.

Please understand, ladies, that we are not trying to burst your little bubbles or wish you ill with new men, but BIOLOGICAL FATHERS DO HAVE RIGHTS, AND THEY CAN EXERCISE THEM IF THEY CHOOSE TO DO SO.

Whether or not that will fit in with momma's plans to re-marry, move, or otherwise won't really matter to the judge that is hearing the custody cases.

Elle - posted on 08/12/2015

25

0

3

Ya'll didn't catch what I was trying to say. I guess I didn't finish. If he goes to court and gets the paternity done and pays to have it done. And it comes back positive then he has a right to visitation but not full custody. But in the end it is the best interest of the child. Can he just come over and pick up the child with out court orders or documentation. NO.

Dove - posted on 08/12/2015

12,413

0

1354

Exactly Sarah. That's what we've all been trying to tell her, but hey... if she wants to play Russian Roulette w/ her child's LIFE... I guess that is up to her. She'll grow up real quick if the father takes her to court and the judge sets her straight and she has to immediately hand her baby over to the father for visitation w/ a man he doesn't know.

Sarah - posted on 08/12/2015

10,227

0

26

I looked this law up and some states do recognize the unwed mother as the sole custodian. However, the state laws I reviewed also go onto state that if paternity is acknowledged or proven then both parties are equally entitled to pursue physical custody of a child. If you carefully read the law, both parents, will be considered equally by the courts before any custody award is made. So while Brittany may be able to say "no" to the father now, she could be taken to court and lose the child to him. The lack of willingness to negotiate or cooperate prior to court proceedings can affect the outcome of the case.

Brittney - posted on 08/12/2015

10

0

1

No we were not married & the state im in i gets full custody sowe will agree to disagree bye now

Raye - posted on 08/12/2015

3,761

0

21

If Brittney lives in an area/state that awards custody to the single mother, then Elle may be partially correct. He would need to petition the court to get visitation or joint custody orders put in place. However, if the mother has intentionally kept the child from the father (parental alienation), then the judge may award the father MORE rights than what he may otherwise have had if she would have been cooperative. Mothers have lost custody to fathers when the mother has that attitude that the child is her property and hers alone. The child is not property. And custody is in no way tied to child support. They are handled separately.

Sarah - posted on 08/12/2015

10,227

0

26

@ Elle Marie, where on earth did you get your information? Married or not, named on the birth certificate or not, if he can prove paternity (which I think is an accepted fact in this instance) he has rights. If you had to be married to parent, then there are millions of men out there, and I suppose women as well, that have no legal right to their children?

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/11/2015

13,264

21

2015

Oh, Elle Marie, I'm sorry, but that's not the way it works. Each parent has the right to a relationship and to be a parent, regardless of the status of the parental relationship to each other.

Married, or not, matters not in parental rights, nor in the rights of the child to know BOTH parents.

Elle - posted on 08/11/2015

25

0

3

Were you married when you had the child? If not then he has no rights until he gets a court order from a lawyer and asks a judge for visitation or custody.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/11/2015

13,264

21

2015

This is what irritates me as well. My husband was a victim of a person such as this, claiming that he didn't take an interest in his daughter, when, in fact, he was not allowed by this childish woman to make any attempt at contact. He, being young at the time, did not realize he HAD rights and also had the right to pursue those rights, so she got away with it.

I am a HUGE advocate of father's rights, simply for that reason: A child is NOT a possession, and having that child in your home DOES NOT give you sole authority to determine the father's access. We are speaking of a human being, not a pet. Ownership of a human being is slavery and that is illegal.

Ladies, however young you may be, STOP making this assumption. YOU DO NOT OWN THAT BABY. The person that you slept with (You know...the one you think is scum now...)was good enough for you to have sex with them, so grow up

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/11/2015

13,264

21

2015

After reading the responses, it is quite obvious that you are either a very young, misguided person, or a very delusional one.

YOU DON'T GET TO MAKE THIS DECISION

Most likely, the man that you had sex with hasn't been in the child's life because you have put such convoluted conditions on his visits that there is no way on earth or in heaven that he could meet all of your asinine demands.

Thank God you're going to court. Hopefully you won't be hit with attempted parental alienation during your first appearance before a judge.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/11/2015

13,264

21

2015

Not unless you have gone to court, and requested custody.
Go to court

Dove - posted on 08/11/2015

12,413

0

1354

What kind of evidence do you have that you think would keep him from getting visitation?

Ashely - posted on 08/11/2015

2

0

0

Wow. Only advice I have for you is "a hard head makes a soft bottom." MAybe you'll understand that because, you seem very young and immature and not willing to take any advice from experienced mothers.

Brittney - posted on 08/11/2015

10

0

1

Thanks & i kept everything so when i go to court ill have all my papers with me.

Jodi - posted on 08/11/2015

3,562

36

3907

Brittney, you have every right to apply for all the rights if that's what you choose to do. However, you do need to understand that your child has a right to a relationship with both parens, and this is generally the way the courts decide. You are doing a disservice to your child if you completely deny access to the father (unless the father is a danger to the child - in which case you need evidence).

If he wants visitation and is prepared to fight for it, he will most likely get it. The fight could therefore become very long, very messy, very expensive, and in the end, very pointless. There would be very few lawyers that will advise you not to negotiate a court approved visitation order with some level of visitation to the father, because it is highly unlikely you would win the battle NOT to grant him access.

Gonzalezsis45 - posted on 08/10/2015

2

0

0

I had to go through court and they still gave him 10 percent custody. Trust that 10 is too much, but go the legal way honey. Keep all your receipts and include food, dental, medical, and extra activities ( baseball etc). I got a little calender book and wrote down the days he saw him and what he bought him. I won because my ex was and still isn't a father to my boy. It's been a long journey but be strong and just take care of that baby.

Dove - posted on 08/10/2015

12,413

0

1354

You can go for whatever you want, but just be aware that legally and morally he has rights and you trying to stop that can end up very, very, very badly for you and your child. Hopefully you will realize that before it ends up permanently scarring your son for life.

Raye - posted on 08/10/2015

3,761

0

21

None of us are trying to be mean. The father DOES have rights. It's not a matter of opinion. It's the LAW. You should speak to a lawyer to find out the laws in your area. As others have said, if you just decide to keep him away, and he takes you to court, you could end up losing your child to him. You should get custody established legally, so there's no doubt about it.

Dove - posted on 08/10/2015

12,413

0

1354

My ex didn't have visitation (mostly his choice) from the time our third child was born until our son was a year and a half... and the ONLY reason my ex did not immediately get joint custody was because he lived too far away. Like I said... 3 months is nothing... unless his father is a proven danger to him he WILL get visitation rights at the very least and even if he is a danger to his son he will likely be awarded at least supervised visitations.

It's nice that you know what every judge will rule seeing as how your child is only 3 months old and you have SO much experience w/ the court systems...

Sarah - posted on 08/10/2015

10,227

0

26

I really hope you don't learn the hard way that you can't make that decision. I am not saying he should get custody or that he will, what I am saying is it is not your decision to make. If he pursues it in court a judge will decide.

Sarah - posted on 08/10/2015

10,227

0

26

If you are so confident in your position, why ask? Your child has two parents, unless one is a danger to him, why would he not be entitled to help raise him?

Brittney - posted on 08/10/2015

10

0

1

Lol im in the process of doing all of this & not judge in their right mind with give his dad custody so im not worried at all.

Sarah - posted on 08/10/2015

10,227

0

26

Does he want to have visitation or custody? Why are you even asking if you don't care what the response may be? It isn't my opinion that matters. Like Dove pointed out, it is the law that counts.

Brittney - posted on 08/10/2015

10

0

1

I have already began the process for child support in my . I feel if he doesnt give my son any of his time i will not allow him to see my son.

Brittney - posted on 08/10/2015

10

0

1

You're intitled to your own opinion. As i see it i take care of my son while he does nothing he doesnt do anything for my son so therefore i have custody & will not allow him around my son period.

Raye - posted on 08/10/2015

3,761

0

21

There are some states that give automatic custody to a single mother, but that doesn't leave the father off the hook, or give the mother the right to alienate the father from the child. Do research on what's legal in your area and/or speak to a lawyer. If you need financial assistance, file for child support. If that is not enough, or the father cannot provide financially, then get on government assistance.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms