custody

Lynn - posted on 12/29/2015 ( 19 moms have responded )

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Hello, I just found out that my son's father wants to take my son away from me. My friend over heard him tell her husband that he wants to take him away from me. What can I do in this situation? He has dragged my name in the dirt for the last 8 years and now he saying that I'm not a good mother, and i have never lived on my own. How can I go about getting full custody before he tries?

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Lynn - posted on 12/30/2015

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Ok I'm calm. I have taken heed of everything everyone has said. All I'm doing is trying to make myself clear that is all. I thank everyone for being helpful.

Ev - posted on 12/30/2015

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Lynn--
I have been through a custody and divorce. I know exactly how you feel because I made the choice to let them go even though it was not what I wanted. It boiled down to having funds and resources to continue the fight in custody. As for what seems fair, was it fair that I had to do that? No, but I was in a corner and had no other recourse. And if I had the resources I would not have fought anyhow because they did not need that. As to what is fair in your case, only the judge can decide that, and I can guarentee you that what a judge decides is not going to be what you consider fair. You might end up with joint custody, or one of you will get full custody. Visitation will also be set by the laws in your area and they may not meet your expectations either if they do not match your criteria. I am only being honest and to the point.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/30/2015

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Lynn, you have no control of how others phrase things. What you need to do is calm down, take heed of what the other moms are telling you, and relax.

What's changed in your non-legal agreement that he would feel the need to file? He's actually being proactive in this case, protecting ALL of you down the line.

Lynn - posted on 12/30/2015

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If that's the case he should have used better choice of words. Because that's what he said, listen I was just here to get information not make it seem like I'm ring to take my kid away from his father. Just like u said he's ting to preserve his right well so am I. I'm not trying to be meniscus i want everything to be fair.

Ev - posted on 12/30/2015

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His dad is only trying to preserve the rights he has. He is not taking your son away from you. That is what you have to get through you mind.

Lynn - posted on 12/30/2015

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I am NOT trying to keep my son away from his father WHATSOEVER. I might have typed something wrong in that last message. If anything his dad is trying to do that to me. I'm just trying to get all the information I need to go forth with this custody battle that's up ahead. Like it's been said before from previous comments I need to look into getting custody and visitations document on paper so my son won't be taken away from.

Ev - posted on 12/30/2015

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You can not refuse a father the right to a relationship with his child too. Its is not sharing but co-parenting. Getting full custody will be up to a judge. You should not have waited so long to deal with this and since you mentioned that you were going to move then he had the right to protest that. If the distance is such that it would make visitation hard for him, he had every right to tell you he wanted it to go to court. Whether or not he wants to pay CS I can not tell but you have to cooperate. That is the best interests of the child.

Lynn - posted on 12/30/2015

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I never had a problem with sharing. It shouldn't even come to sharing your child that sounds really crazy. I'm just trying to make sure my son whom I cared for for 8years will not be taken away. I refuse. Never thought it would come down to this that's all

Lynn - posted on 12/30/2015

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There has been no court order. There has been an agreement on when we both get my child. I just want to be 10 steps ahead of him. In the pass he's threatened take me to court because I was going to attend school in San Diego. And now that I have reopened my child support case he talking about taking my son away all together. I am now going to look into getting a lawyer because I'm done playing this game.

Michelle - posted on 12/29/2015

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Get yourself a lawyer.
You need to get custody and visitation sorted out and in writing. Like Jodi said, there's nothing stopping him taking his child and not giving him back to you.
I also agree with Jodi, why won't you entertain the idea of shared care? I have done it for over 10 years and it can be great for the children.

Dove - posted on 12/29/2015

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You call around to get a lawyer right now and you go file for temporary custody orders.

The father has just as much of a right to the child as you do and w/OUT custody orders in place... you run the risk of him taking off w/ the kid and legally there would be nothing you could do. Typically once you have temporary orders in place the child can not legally leave the county (or state... maybe) until more permanent orders have been sorted out.

Lynette - posted on 12/29/2015

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If paternity was established and there are court orders that are 8 years old... I actually think it is time to go in and establish new orders. An order that was made that far in the past may not be the best for your son anymore.

If there is nothing proving that you are an unfit mother, I don't think you have too much to worry about.

Keep records of any contact you or your son have with him. Keep a list of witnesses to be able to support you in your case and speak on your behalf.

I do think it is best to allow him to have some parenting time, as I am a firm believer that a child needs both parents. Think of what is best for him, your son.

You can seek legal help or do the research and go in on your own... just depends on how comfortable you feel.

Ev - posted on 12/29/2015

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http://www.circleofmoms.com/welcome-circ...

This will give you some general advice for getting custody, visitation, and child support going. Note this is not legal advice but a compliation of what a lot of us other moms have experienced. You should never let a large gap of time pass before doing this. It makes it a lot harder on everyone.

Lynn - posted on 12/29/2015

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I dnt know y all of a sudden he wants to full custody. I just reopened my child support n then after that a friend told me that he wants to take my son way because I'm not a good mother and I still live with my mom. That's the only reason why as far as I know. I don't know how to go about winning a case against him. And I know for a fact he won't win. He doesn't have a job nor does he have a car for transportation. But I want to be ready or be 10 steps ahead of him if he does go through with what he said.

Lynette - posted on 12/29/2015

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Did you originally agree to you having full custody? Is that why there is no court order? Were you married?

You can't do anything about him filing for custody.

You can however discuss a different parenting time situation.

Jodi - posted on 12/29/2015

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Then you need to have custody and visitation orders. At this point, he could take the child and never give the child back and he would actually have the legal right to do that - not a thing you could do about it. Talk to a lawyer about it. But be aware that you may have to negotiate on the full custody thing. He does have rights too.

Lynn - posted on 12/29/2015

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We don't have one. I think what it is....I reopened my child support case. He has no reason to want full custody other than so he won't have to pay child support.

Jodi - posted on 12/29/2015

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Why does it have to be all or nothing? Is there a problem with 50/50 custody being an option for both of you? It doesn't have to be a competition of who gets full custody first. What do your current custody orders say?

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