Custody advice.

Katharine - posted on 03/18/2015 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I just recently had my son. Now a man claiming to be the father has stepped forth and filed for both a paternity test and sole custody under the grounds I am unstable and do drugs. ((Something I have not touched except after being prescribed after my c-section.))I would like to know if i present proof that he is sterile like his medical records say then do i need a paternity test?Also, if it comes out he is the father. Can i push for sole custody on the grounds he is known for domestic violence and has a history of drug use?

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Dove - posted on 03/19/2015

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3 weeks off is hopeful... but not nearly hopeful enough to not get the paternity test done. If he is making claims against you (like drugs and instability)... it is up to him to prove them. If you AREN'T doing drugs and you have a stable life and home environment... he very likely will not be able to take your child away from you, but IF he is the father... he is entitled to the same rights as you are and, more importantly, your child is entitled to a relationship w/ both parents.

If you have solid proof of the domestic violence and drug use (police reports help) and a good lawyer... hopefully you will be able to have him w/ supervised visits until HE is proven safe and stable.

This is all speculation, of course. The first step is that paternity test and if you are SURE that he isn't the father and the actual father is deceased.... you have nothing in the world to worry about.

Ledia - posted on 03/19/2015

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If he orders the paternity test, and the court grants him a court order for you to have it done, you have to have it done.

If it shows that he is the father, until you establish court ordered custody, he has the same rights to the child that you do. If you try to keep the child from him, and he can prove that you tried to do so--for ANY reason--he can accuse you of parental alienation, and that gives him a huge bonus in court. If you have PROOF that he is violent or dangerous, or that he has drug related convictions against him, you can present that evidence to the court and the judge will consider it in his or her final decision on custody. If all you have is hearsay, you can tell your lawyer and see if there is a good way to bring it up, but without evidence to back up your claims, the judge will just see you bad mouthing the father, and that will not be good for you.

Raye - posted on 03/19/2015

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If you have the paternity test done, then you will know for sure. No reason not to do it. If it comes out that he is, then he does have rights to be in his child's life.

Jodi - posted on 03/18/2015

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You still need a paternity test - those medical records still can't tell you who the father is and aren't considered sufficient proof.

Michelle - posted on 03/18/2015

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No one can pinpoint when you actually conceived, you can ovulate at anytime through your cycle so it's all guesswork.

Sarah - posted on 03/18/2015

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Conception dates are estimates. No doctor can tell you when you conceived. So as Jodi stated this is a possible father. You can get pregnant at anytime during your cycle INCLUDING when you have your period. Everyone ovulate at different times and you can ovulate differently each month. The sperm live up to 4 days, so the day you have sex may not even be the day you conceive. Conception dates and due dates are only estimates and can't be used as a determining factor. You will need to do a DNA test. If this possible father has requested the court for one you will have to comply.

Katharine - posted on 03/18/2015

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@Jodi, Him and I Engaged in sexual activity after the fact that my period had been missed for some time. The man I believe to be the father commited suicide this past christmas. I got a copy of medical documents with my estimated due date and conception date. I did not meet nor engage with this man until the middle of july around the 16. My conception date was around June 21th.

Jodi - posted on 03/18/2015

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"a man claiming to be the father".
Did you sleep with this man around the time you got pregnant? In that case, he is not "a man claiming to be the father" he is "a man I slept with and could possibly be the father".

Just because he claims to be sterile and his medical records say he has had the procedure done doesn't mean he is - these things DO have a failure rate.

DO you have DNA evidence of who the father actually is? Or are you in the habit of sleeping with different men?

It is likely that if he has filed, the courts will order a DNA test anyway. Maybe he has recently discovered he is actually fertile and believes he might be the father because you and he had unprotected sex, Clearly you are not close to this man or you would know whether this is the case or not. Regardless of medical records saying he is sterile, you WILL need a paternity test.

In reference to the last poster stating that most courts favour the mother, this is not necessarily the case. You will need evidence that he is a danger to the child in order to gain sole custody. Otherwise, many courts today recognise 50/50 rights.

Mary Tax - posted on 03/18/2015

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I would get as much proof to prove that he's not the father, and yeah you can file for sole custody of your son! Most courts are in favor of the mother! Best of luck for you and your son!

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