Custody advice: does child support matter in court?

Teresa - posted on 08/06/2016 ( 27 moms have responded )

30

0

4

I've been told that during a custody hearing that the balance of child support didn't matter while trying to get sole custody. I have 3 kids, sole custody of one and taking care of my other two. Father has dr shopped and has a problem. I've had a restraining order on him and he has stolen a firearm from me but the police hasn't done anything about that. He has been jumping around from job to job since he married his ex. Should I let him get behind?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Ev - posted on 08/07/2016

7,674

7

915

And it is fine to disagree. It is encouraged to look at responses to posts and give your opinion whether it agrees or not.

But you have to understand that the JUDGE is going to be the one that decides things in the matter. You can only put forth the evidence that he or she will admit into the case via your lawyer that will apply and any testimony of witnesses that are allowed. Your ex will get the same thing. But the judge will decide if he is really a threat to the children and what kind of visitation he will get or not get. You can ask the judge not to allow certain things but at the end of the day, the judge will make that ultimate choice and you will have to abide it just as your ex will have to abide it.

Ev - posted on 08/07/2016

7,674

7

915

Teresa--I have read the posts here and I agree with the other ladies. Did you check out the post that Miss Shawnn added to the end of her one post about custody, visitation, and child support? Did you read any of it at all? I wrote that long post. I also know what is meant about knowing mothers who let their kids go with dad because of financial reasons and other smart reasons. I am one of those mom's that chose to do this. My reasons are clear before you jump me about it: My kids did not need to worry about whose home they would be in every few months, they did not need to worry about changing schools and other things, they needed stable peace in their minds that they had access to both parents, they needed stability in the situation, and they needed to know that I was still there and active for their benefits. I was offered the choice by my ex and his lawyer because my lawyer knew that I did not have the funds to fight it in court and that in the end it might be worse unless I agreed to joint custody with him being primary parent but having say in legal matters too.

Why do you want sole custody and the chance to make the choice of his visitation when you think he needs it or has it limited because that is what you want? Unless you can prove he would try to give the kids weed, will harm them in any form or fashion, or do other things that would cause danger to them----you do not get to say what happens. It is up to the judge.

And one more thing, just so you know--I do side with father's having custody. Father's do have as much to give to kids as mothers do. Fathers have the same rights to be the primary parent for no other reason than that really. But again, its on a case by case basis of posts here that I agreed with that. I did not agree with my ex having the kids because I did not trust him to take care of them how I did. In 14 months he remarried after me and I suspect that he did so to have someone to care for the kids so he did not have to do that himself. He was married to that woman and divorced from her and remarried again in a 20 month time frame. His current wife has been with him for 11 years now.

Also you need to know that back in 2002, my own lawyer told me that judges were starting to look at giving more fathers majority custody because judges were finally seeing that fathers could do just as good as mothers in care of their kids.

http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/d...

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/07/2016

13,264

21

2015

Is your custody and visitation already court ordered? If not, the either of you can say you "have custody".

You really need that set. As far as drug use and dangerous the kids, you have the burden of proof.

As far as withholding visits, if there is nothing set, but you withhold contact, he can go for parental alienation charges, and you could lose a lot more than you realize.

I have questions in to a couple of people in different agencies here regarding reporting and hat firearm, and as soon as I get responses, I will let you know on that end. Seems fishy to me that the sheriff's office won't investigate that!

Teresa - posted on 08/06/2016

30

0

4

I'm in US outside of city,I reported to sheriff. The deputy that came to the house did a report.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

27 Comments

View replies by

Teresa - posted on 08/07/2016

30

0

4

We'll I disagree with you. I have the FUNDS and reasons why I want sole custody is for the kids good. I have a stable job, home, and enrolled them in school. Ive never denied visits. I have avoided the situation of arguing. He knows how I feel and if he wanted to see them in public he would

Dove - posted on 08/07/2016

11,760

0

1349

You had an agreement? A court ordered agreement? If not... he doesn't have to agree to anything you say and by refusing to either let him see them under his terms or not going to court years ago... he could actually try and claim parental alienation and take custody from you.

An addiction issue might be a problem, but it's one you have to have proof of... Jumping from job to job might not be the most stable thing in the world, but unemployed people HAVE gotten custody of their children.

Teresa - posted on 08/07/2016

30

0

4

I haven't taken his rights we had an agreement until he got married and until he wanted to argue about being by himself and in public. If you think I'll let him just take them for a few hours you're crazy bc he would try to keep them. As far as child support goes I can care less all I ask is if it doesn't matter in court then why does the lawyers bring up the issues of back pay? How is his pain pill problem not an issue?

Jodi - posted on 08/07/2016

3,561

36

3907

IF you have evidence that he is a danger to the children, then obviously, the best interest of the child may be supervised visits. But you haven't said you have any such evidence as yet. But pulling visitation or restricting it just because he doesn't pay what he should is being petty and vindictive.

Jodi - posted on 08/07/2016

3,561

36

3907

"I've seen a lot of your comments seems you favor the fathers side I know my kids aren't commodities. I work and provide for them while he's out jumping from job to job. I've been to court before child support was brought up behind 3k. So how is child support not an issue?"

Actually, no, I take the side of the child. I believe you MISSED that particular side in your considerations, hence my response. Him jumping from job to job and his inability to pay child support should not prevent the child from having a relationship with him, period. I don't care how pissed off you are at that you don't get child support and have to work your ass off to support the children, you need to consider the fact that these children have a father and they have a right to have a relationship with him, whether you agree or not.

The side of the father? Honey, I received $30 a month child support for my now 18 year old child for YEARS. Fair? Of course not. Why was it MY responsibility to fully support my child minus the $30 that probably kept him in breakfast cereal for a week? But I never allowed that to prevent my son having a relationship with his dad, and he has a fantastic and positive relationship with him to this day. Ultimately, that makes me the better person. You, too, could choose to be the better person rather than taking away your children's rights to a relationship with both parents.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/06/2016

13,264

21

2015

Theresa, I will ask a couple of people I know here about the reporting thing and let you know what I find...

Teresa - posted on 08/06/2016

30

0

4

He had a case open with child support, he jumps around and doesn't notify them or me so I have to call. Is that the same as refusing if he doesn't notify child support? Also it's been 2yrs since he saw them and bc we couldn't agree. I doubt they even know him

Teresa - posted on 08/06/2016

30

0

4

One father to the oldest. Two youngest same father. We first agreed to meet at a mcdonalds just him until he married his ex then he wouldn't agree . We've had problems with her prior to our separation. They went out of state and are supposed to be back now

Dove - posted on 08/06/2016

11,760

0

1349

Anything you present in court... you need solid evidence to support it. I'm unsure about the 'should I let him get behind?' question as my ex owes over $32,000 in back support. I didn't 'let' him get behind... he just refuses to pay it.

Are all 3 kids w/ the same father? If so I don't understand why you would already only have sole custody of one of them... What kind of custody arrangement do you currently have w/ the other two and what solid evidence do you have that continuing the arrangement is endangering the children?

I do have full physical and legal custody of my kids... but money has nothing to do w/ it.

Michelle - posted on 08/06/2016

3,727

8

3246

That's for your lawyer to prove in court. If you don't have evidence of all of this then it's just hearsay and a judge won't even listen to it.
Get yourself armed with evidence and go to court.

Teresa - posted on 08/06/2016

30

0

4

I never said no visits I said sole custody meaning he would get limited visits. There's a lot more that's been done than said on here with him and I am concerned. The very things that he said he would do with his ex to get his kid he has tried with me. Except giving them weed. He's threatened to do that with his other child and I just don't want to take a chance on them getting hurt for his gain

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/06/2016

13,264

21

2015

Well, for a firearm offense, I guess it would depend on how your local enforcement is structured. In Wyoming, we have city, county, and state agencies, and where you start depends on your residential address. If we're in city limits, we go to the city police, in the county but outside of city limits we start with the sheriff. However, you should be able to call your state patrol, and file a stolen weapon report with them. That is actually a very good question. I will ask some of my contact in the various departments here, and if I can find anything out, I will definitely post it here.

I guess is should ask if you're in the US, as firearm laws worldwide differ hugely...

Michelle - posted on 08/06/2016

3,727

8

3246

I guess your last comment was aimed at Jodi, she's doesn't "favour the Father's side", she tells the truth about what the courts decide on.
Just because you have stepped up and been an adult and the Father hasn't doesn't mean he doesn't get to see his children. We never said child support wasn't an issue, it's just not combined with custody and visitation. It's a separate issue.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/06/2016

13,264

21

2015

Support, or lack of payments to you, has absolutely no bearing on whether or not a person has the right to interact with and be a parent to their children.

Yes, I support father rights. That shouldn't be a problem, since EVERY PARENT has the same God given right to know their children, and to interact with them on a regular basis.

If you would browse around a bit, you will run across other MOTHERS with my point of view. Not only that, you will actually find people who have a successful co parenting relationship with their ex REGARDLESS of support.

As far as your question about should you "let" him get behind...YOU don't get to decide anything. If it is determined that he is given shared custody, his level of support will be handled as a separate matter.

Also, I would like to point out that I said IN REGARDS to visitation, support is not an issue. Of course each parent should equally support the children they create. Note, I said EQUALLY. That means that every red cent of necessary items and care should be split down the middle, unless one parent is more affluent, in which case the burden of expense should be on them, with the other mandated to contribute as much as they can safely afford. You will find cases on here where the mother determined that it would be in everyone's best interest for the kids to be with dad , rather than her, as he had the means to provide a better opportunity for the kids. She took visitation, giving custody to her ex. In a perfect world, everyone would be a mature as that woman.

This may help you: http://www.circleofmoms.com/welcome-circ...

It is a very well thought out and authored post concerning your very questions.

Teresa - posted on 08/06/2016

30

0

4

I've seen a lot of your comments seems you favor the fathers side I know my kids aren't commodities. I work and provide for them while he's out jumping from job to job. I've been to court before child support was brought up behind 3k. So how is child support not an issue?

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/06/2016

13,264

21

2015

Then it's a stolen weapon. Go higher in the chain of command!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/06/2016

13,264

21

2015

I take it you never registration your firearm? If you did not, then ownerships your word against his. If you had registered it, you could get some action.

Teresa - posted on 08/06/2016

30

0

4

Idk why I've called the department several times about it I guess bc I only gave $60 for it but still it's a firearm and I thought anyone should get in trouble for stealing it. When I went to court in 2009 the balance of child support was brought up bc father didn't agree with me getting sole custody. If it's a separate matter then why does both lawyers bring up the issue? That's why I ask in this case should I let it get behind?

Jodi - posted on 08/06/2016

3,561

36

3907

Child support has nothing to do with custody. Your kids are not commodities, so they shouldn't be able to be bought or sold based on how much child support a parent does or does not pay. Nothing you have mentioned really indicate that he shouldn't have some level of visitation, and to be honest, you'd have to have a pretty good case with evidence that he was a danger to the CHILDREN (not you) to prevent this from happening.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/06/2016

13,264

21

2015

Custody and support are addressed separately, as they should be. No parent has the right to demand payment in exchange for access to biological children.

As far as his illegal actions, why are the police doing nothing about the firearm?

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms