Custody and best interest of the child

Sasa - posted on 02/28/2016 ( 11 moms have responded )

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The father of my 6 months old stopped me from breastfeeding my baby during his scheduled custody time, and further stopped accepting expressed breastmilk. This was because I requested that his male companion who was carrying my baby with no shirt on him put some clothes before carrying my child, and bedore, I share the room to nurse the child. Do you think the court will find that his decision stopping me from nursing, and accepting expressed breastmilk was not in the best interest of the child and grant me sole custody?

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Dove - posted on 02/28/2016

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Sounds like you are both being extremely petty and not out for the best interests of the child. You seriously asked his male companion to put on a shirt before carrying your child? How immature and ridiculous is that? What was your basis for that request?

Granted, breast milk is best for the child and it's horrible that the father is not complying w/ that... but if you go into court and say the reason that he stopped accepting breast milk is because you asked that guy to put on a shirt prior to carrying your child... the judge is likely to roll his eyes at both of you.

MaryAnn - posted on 02/29/2016

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... Its not just the breasts, its the G-rated quasi-nudity, too. Smh.
For added security in the court case, she can bring up the diaper brand he uses and the colour of the child's recieving blankets.
Its the top pin... First link... In the forum, and daily, people are posting vindictive posts looking for validation in pushing a parent out for the pettiest of things.
Really. Take this stuff to a court. See how thay goes.
Being a mom is hard. And I cant imagine the pain of doing it without someone to hold my hand. If anyone is insecure and needs to talk feelings, or vent a bit... I would personally love to respond. Life's hard, and this is a great place to find a hand to hold, or shoulder to cry on. But we arent lawyers and cant give a whole lot of tailored advice. The law is pretty simple, and where it's not, there's simple access to it. In most places, there are also free, close to free, and accessible ways of getting legal help.
When it comes to issues we have with OTHER PEOPLE'S rights and responsibilities, and there is NO IMPLICIT DANGER, we always need to take the path of least resistance, avoid conflict that implicates our children, and put on our damn big girl panties.
I cant speak on behalf of every mom (step mom, grandmother, father, step father) in this community, but I cant morally justify supporting anyone in using the courts to commit parental alienation.
Speaking of, theres a part two on Dr. Phil tomorrow that I look forward to watching about a woman who doesnt understand how she has abused her child by doing exactly this sort of thing. Sasa, if you have the opportunity, check it out.

Sarah - posted on 02/29/2016

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Seriously, to think that your breasts can win you sole custody? He has joint custody and can make unilateral decisions as to when and what to feed the baby as long as it meets the guidelines of the AAP.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/29/2016

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This is a duplicate post. I agree, though, Dove, that this is two "adults" being very childish! Here's my response

Why are you going to his visitations? you should have already been sending expressed milk, rather than following the baby in order to feed.

We have no idea how a court will see this, but I seriously doubt it's enough for you to get sole custody, nor should you need sole custody. Also, you have to remember that not feeding breast milk is not child abuse, nor is it neglect. Formula is a perfectly acceptable substitute for those who cannot breast feed (fathers, for example, in a non custodial visitation situation).

You could also be taken to task for telling an adult how to dress in their own home. Stop nitpicking. Learn how to co parent with the father of your child.

MaryAnn - posted on 02/28/2016

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Breast feeding is only recommended, for at least six months. At six months, solids can start, but should not be the primary nutrition. Is it petty and misguided that he is not accepting your breast milk, but assuming he is not starving the child, it is not enough to strip any of his rights. He, too, is a parent with rights to make decisions, even if you dont agree, it is his time.

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Sarah - posted on 03/05/2016

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What is the big deal about sitting in a room with a man who is not wearing a shirt? I really am curious, not being picky. I'd like to know why that bothered you so much.

Dove - posted on 03/05/2016

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Do you have current court orders for visitations? If not... it is fine to get some, so that you both know what your rights and responsibilities are. If you do... you both need to follow them. Does the court order allow you to be present during visitations? What does it say about feeding? If it's written into the order that you can pump and provide breast milk... then yes, he needs to, but not doing so is not a reason to deny him visitations.

If you two can not work together and agree on these things and you do not have a current court order detailing them... you may need to go to mediation to straighten things out, but you do NOT get to stop him from having visitations w/ his child over anything that you've mentioned.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/05/2016

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SOLE LEGAL custodian is different than PHYSICAL custody.

You have nothing here. You cannot demand sole physical custody and deny the man access to his child based on your childish reaction to his actions, and the claim that his friend was shirtless.

If the child was in distress and needed medical care, OF COURSE he should have been taken to emergency. Should the child's father have contacted you? in the best of circumstances, yes...but I imagine he didn't want to deal with your over the top accusations about his lack of parenting skills...

Which, I may point out, if this is YOUR first child, you have no more parenting experience than he does.

Get over it. He is going to parent differently than you are, and that INCLUDES how and what he feeds the child. "denying" breast milk is NOT A PROBLEM as long as the child's nutritional needs are met.

Sasa - posted on 03/05/2016

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On the fourth day of the incident he rushed the baby to emergency and did not inform me until the following day. He insults and calls me all kinds of terrible thing verbally and in writing such as "Evil Woman, Shameless women, equates my intelligence to grade 4 level; c calls me stupid etc. And does not cooperate with me as regards making decisions that is in the best interest of the child, and the court placed on me the sole legal custodian

Sasa - posted on 03/05/2016

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The question is whether or not was right to deny the child breastmilk just because he was angry with me

Sasa - posted on 03/05/2016

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No, I did not ask him directly. I just walked out, and while in my car, text the dad and requested to bring the child out for me or at least have the man put some clothes on.

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