custody and moving question?

Brandi - posted on 03/29/2016 ( 8 moms have responded )

59

0

23

My fiance has 2 children, they aren't mine. But I stay home with them everyday (house fiance?) take them to their appointments and do everything a mom does etc. I've been around them sense the almost-3-year-old was only 3 months old. the other one is 4 yo.I've been around both of the kids more than their biological mom has in their entire lives. she was diagnosed with multiple personality and bipolar disorder...shes only has supervised visitation rights for the passed 2 years and would go months without even asking about them or seeing them....at one point they didnt know who she was when we showed them pictures of her. But she recently got weekend custody of them (idk the correct term) and still barely takes them. But when she does take them, she texts my fiance (children's father) complaining that theyre being bad and she can't handle them and then she sends them home after a few hours of having them.(when shes supposed to take them the whole weekend) she put the almost-3-year-old in her van buckled up in his carseat because he was being bad for her and left him there alone. my boyfriend is going to try to get her supervised visitation rights back because she's proved she can't do it alone.....she lives an hour away from us already. But we live in New York right now and are planning on moving to Florida sometime in the next 3 years because my fiance's boss is opening up 3 stores down there and he will be the manager for all 3, and he is being proimsed more money than he's making now. And the school district we're in now isn't very good and im definitely positive we can find a school in FL that has better opportunities than currently. has anyone gone through anything similar? is there anything we can do to make the move more easy? will we be able to move across the country? the children's mother might try to fight us just to be a b**** about it....should we get a lawyer when the time comes to moving? my fiance mentioned to her that we will be moving out of state sometime and she didnt really have anything to say about it...but 3 years is a long time and things can change...thanks in advance!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Dove - posted on 03/29/2016

11,904

0

1350

Thank you, Sarah. Wow, Raye... really... creepy.

If you haven't been dating that whole time does that mean you were the babysitter? If you haven't been dating for the 2+ years that you've known these kids and you are only 18... you really have no business being ENGAGED to a guy w/ this much baggage and drama. Yes, it's your life and these questions/comments may not be relevant to YOUR question... but they are extremely relevant to the situation at hand.

You were 14ish when the oldest was born... My daughters are 14... if they got into the situation you are in in a few years... I would do EVERYTHING in my power to convince them what a huge, huge, huge mistake this relationship is.

Raye - posted on 03/29/2016

3,761

0

21

So, in another post, Brandi says she's 18. If she's been in these kids lives for the past 2-3 years, then what kind of fucked up relationship does she have with this guy? He was an adult with 2 kids when he started to date a 15-16 year old??? Just plain SICK! How old is he exactly? How old is the baby-mama? Is your fiancé a habitual sex offender, or just with you, Brandi?

And Brandi, where were your parents when this was going on? Why would you want to get involved with a man like this? 18 and already a stay-at-home-mom to 2 soon-to-be step-kids? What the fuck are you thinking?? You're throwing your life away for some sicko. Sorry, just my opinion, but really...

Sarah - posted on 03/29/2016

9,473

0

22

Of course this is a triplicate post, when posts are duplicated you lose the opportunity to build on other mother's responses. Evelyn posted.
Dove:
He needs to have the court's permission to move... period. How easy that is to get depends on too many factors for anyone to give an accurate guess. Keep in mind she will still have visitation rights and w/ him moving away it is quite possible that she will have unsupervised visitations and/or he will have to provide all transportation costs to make the visitations happen.
Me:
Do not wait until you are moving to address this. As long as she has parental rights, you cannot move away with the kids. Start now to either set up a visitation plan for the kids to come see her several times a year, her to agree to the move or have her rights stripped. You are going to need a lawyer to help you navigate this process and it can be a slow difficult road. No matter her parenting skills or what has happened she is still their mother. If you have family in the area you currently live, then you could arrange for you all to go home two or three times a year for the kids to see her and then arrange for her family or your family to supervise the kids when they visit without you in the future. Document everything. Every visit cut short, every (buckled in a car seat) sort of incident, every refused visit, everything. the more you have to show she is not invested in seeing her kids nor parenting them the better your chances at being able to move without too much struggle
Raye:
Sarah is right... document everything. And try to keep your emotions out of it as much as possible. Document the facts about her missed visitation, her bringing them back early, her neglect and bad "disciplinary" style. This evidence will help any petition the father files to modify the current visitation orders.

For your family to move, the father will have to prove to the court that the move is in the best interests of the children... that the opportunity your fiancé is given has benefits that can't be attained by staying closer to the mother.

I would suggest at least a consultation with a lawyer soon, to make a plan on the best way to move forward during the next few years. And then when it actually comes time to go to court and petition for changes, a lawyer would probably be helpful there as well.

8 Comments

View replies by

Raye - posted on 03/29/2016

3,761

0

21

Yeah, Brandi, you really didn't dispell any of the creepiness of the age difference. It still seems wrong on so many levels.

You may not be ruining your life. No one can say for sure at this point. But you're not making things at all easy on yourself. And those kids could be the ones that suffer for you and your fiancé's bad decisions.

Brandi - posted on 03/29/2016

59

0

23

Ok raye, that shit has nothing to do with my question AT ALL. Just because Ive been in their lives for almost 3 years doesn't mean we have been dating sense I was 15. Duh. My life isn't being thrown away wtf is your problem? I handle this completely 100000% fine! He's not "some sicko" either wtf.?????

MaryAnn - posted on 03/29/2016

347

0

17

After reading comments, my opinion has reeeeeally changed. You're still a kid, yourself. Im 25 and on mat leave and have a step daughter who is 4, and there are NO diagnoses on BM, she is inconsisently around, and *I* often feel I am not mature enough to handle stay-at-home smoming, even knowing I do get to go back to work soon.
You have a long way to go in setting yourself up to handle this.

Ev - posted on 03/29/2016

7,952

7

918

Well, think about it this way: If you move in that three year time frame or sooner--how will she get to see them even though she sees them little. If she gets only supervised visits again, moving away is going to make it impossible for her to see them at all and violate the court orders. If she keeps the weekend visits, it will still cause her issues in seeing them even though she sees them little as it is. He needs to seek a lawyer now to find out what his options are, what he needs to do to address the issue in court, and get an idea of possible decisions that a judge would make in the case. This is not just a normal case of parents split and have a custody arrangement. This has some extra issues involved where the BM has some mental health issues. We can not tell you what will happen only advise that a lawyer is the best answer to your questions. But one thing I will advise you both on is to do this now and not wait until just a few months before the move to do anything as it will not be enough time to go through the courts and give you the chance to make said move if it is allowed.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms