Anna - posted on 01/07/2016 ( no moms have responded yet )
Okay so I really need advice on the custody battle process as I'm very new to this being a recent single mom of a 9 month old boy. My now ex and I live in the suburbs of a cute city in Upstate, NY and he is a local business owner (restaurant/bar). He recently signed for a new car for me that I was paying on, cash of course because I didn't see any of this coming. Also, I just resigned at my full-time job with benefits, but with an hour commute each way so that I could stay home with our son, which we agreed on. Now, ladies I'm being honest here so no criticsm. The story I'm about to tell relates to occasional marijuana use by myself. Very occasional, late at night on the weekends occasionally step outside on the back porch, with my baby monitor, like give me a break there are worse things; I'm an excellent mother. My ex is always, I mean always working, and owning a bar he doesn't get home until 3am and I have the weekends off. Meanwhile, I work full time +10 hours from the commute and take care of my son every night, give him a bath every night (my ex has given him maybe 5 since he was born) and read/sing/play with him all night and on the weekends. On top of that, I make all of his baby food from scratch with organic fruits and veggies and organic meat. We just finished our mommy&me swim class when he was 7months. Sorry for rambling but the background info is important here. My ex is 10 years older than me and also the provider, everything is in his name, lesson learned. His parents literally run his life, his mom is very religious, which I don't have a problem with, but it's the creepy religion where she's always trying to push it on you. She's remarried and the stepdad is the same way. They are hoarders and I'm not exaggerating or being mean, mental illness runs in the family, as my ex's brother is paranoid schizophrenic. They drive around all day store to store in a silver van that's hoarded to the top and I heard their house is so bad (from the other brother) that it should be condemned. I've asked them several times not to pray over me, because they make a big production, and they do it anyway. So then my ex's father is a big business owner with his son and he is the kind of pompous asshole that likes the war and thinks his son can do no wrong, so he doesn't really care about what the real issue is. His wife is exactly the same. They are rotten narcissists. Long, long, long story short (as short as it can be) I know I'm not perfect. I know I have flaws, but I'm a damn good mother. My ex might have paid the bills but everything else my son needed I bought (clothes, food, everything else). Here's what night ONE NIGHT brought us to: it was like any other weekend night, my son goes to sleep around 9. My mom was home alone so she decided to come over and have some wine. I don't really drink so I had a glass I was hardly drinking. Now, mind you, my mother is a Nurse Practicioner of Psychiatry so she's no slouch. She might drink, and not that it's an excuse but her 25 year old niece and my cousin, who was like my sister, died of a heroine overdose suddenly 2 1/2 years ago and it was like a bomb to all of our lives. Especially because a kid is in prison who instead of helping her while she could have been saved for 5 hours, was covering evidence instead to save himself. My mom was smoking a cigarette in the garage because it was cold and I had my car on for her and it died. She left around 12, and I went inside to watch TV. I realized I had somewhere to go early the next morning so I texted my best friend, who is gay side note, and has been my friend since birth. I asked him if he could jump my car. He came over around 1:00am and was in the garage jumping my car I was inside with the same glass of wine just hanging out. When My friend went to leave he realized my ex's stepdad and his Mom were driving by the house, slowing down, and then parking up the street facing the house with the lights off. My ex's mother being religious she is very homophobic. Okay so I will sum this up quick: the mom and stepdad block my friend in the driveway and they are questioning him. I had already texted the mom and asked why they were parked up the street (creepy!) I finally go outside and tell them
To leave and ask why they are stalking me and that I want to call the cops, because they were acting strange, and harassing my friend saying he wasn't allowed to be there and he was causing tension in mine and my ex relationship (he's as gay as they come). I go upstairs and lock the door, next thing you know cops are at my house, along with my boyfriend and his father joining the group, and I'm being questioned at 2 in the morning in my bedroom, off of the nursery, what I was doing and that my ex mom witnessed me drinking and smoking marijuana WTF?! No she didn't and what was she doing stalking me. Why was she "randomly" driving by at 1am as the police report said; that made my lawyer chuckle. So since my boyfriend owns the house, he authorized a "Welfare of the child check". If you're still reading I'm sorry, but I have to get this out because I still feel like I'm in a movie. I'm such a good mom and my ex knows this he's just so brainwashed. So I'm irate, and not very nice because I'm stunned, especially since the police stomped up the stairs and woke my son up who was sleeping soundly. They say I'm drunk, I tell them several times to breathalyze me, and say I was smoking marijuana once again. They allow my ex to take my son, at this point you're damn right I'm irate. Then they all leave. I never want a mother to feel how I felt after that. So scared and lost like I didn't know my rights I had no clue how that could have happened. The police were lying or they were being told lies I don't know but I felt up against a wall. Since then I've been served an eviction notice for a month, out of our home we got when I got pregnant with a nursery I put my blood, sweat and tears into. He took my car away that I pay for. I have begged him to be civil and think about my son and it's all a big war and who's the big guy in control. His dad is fueling this big time. I file for custody the following week after that horrible night, then five days later a day before Christmas Eve, my ex files for immediate custody because after he returned him the next day after the incident and I had him back for 5 days, he felt the baby was in danger due to my illegal drug abuse (so why did you wait if you were so worried). Also, this is a lie. The best part is what I said before, I just quit my job because we agreed that I was going to stay home with our son. It really is like all of this was set up. So the judge not knowing my side, and me not knowing there was a difference in filing for custody and filing for immediate custody, the judge ordered this temporary visitation order that leaves me without my son, who I've never been without, for 5 day stretches every 2 weeks. I am without a doubt the primary caretaker for my son. I do everything for that little boy and he's my world. I have a lawyer but my ex is so brainwashed by the 4 parents and I feel scared. I know the truth but I have horrible anxiety that the judge won't be able to see past the lies and conniving ways. My ex says he wants what is best for My son but that is a lie because with his hectic work schedule, he will be with his parents most of the time which isn't fair because I will be having a very hard time not having my son when I should. He won't sit down and talk to me since that night, we have to do the exchange at the police station, with a 9 month old. This is all about money and power and all they have against me is the marijuana use. I haven't smoked, and I've already been proactive and schedule a drug evaluation a week before court. My counselor has been coaching me through this and says the judge will see their antics I'm just hoping someone does! I feel like it's a movie! I know this was long but if someone has advice I'm dying to know. Crazy part is that I left a lot out. It's just too much to bare. Also, I gave pictures to my lawyer that he submitted to the judge with a hole my crazy ex punched in the nursery ceiling because I "fueled it." I have postpartum depression and I've just started new medicine, and we weren't doing our best, but I never saw any of this coming. I'm hoping for custody and him with visitation because honestly with his work schedule that's what it should be. I just got a job serving at an upscale restaurant, and I've served for years I will be making good money. I have an awesome family who supports me and I've been looking at apartments a few times a week so I can find a suitable place for my son and I. His plan was to take everything from me and kick me over and over when I'm down, but I'm just getting stronger. If anyone has advice on custody battles or anything, please I'm dying to know!!! I'm very anxious about all this. And not to mention this is how he also ended our relationship like this and won't so much as speak to me. I'm heartbroken and devastated how my life changed overnight.