Custody battles

Kimberly - posted on 06/18/2013 ( 6 moms have responded )

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How come more and more moms are loosing custody battles just because we work? Is there anything we can do?

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Firebird - posted on 06/18/2013

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I also doubt it's just because you work. Without more information, my guess is that you applied for full custody and your kid's dad got shared custody. Judges take into consideration what's best for the children involved and that's usually equal time with both parents.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/18/2013

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If you don't understand why the decision was made as it was, then I would recommend that you get your own attorney to go over the case, and the decision, and explain what the reasoning was to you.

In my experience, the judge doesn't arbitrarily award anything, and their decision is fully stated with an explanation both at the court date, and in the paperwork.


ETA: Most of us that have been here awhile don't tend to sugar coat things. Reality isn't sugar coated, nor are our responses. Sometimes it's pretty blunt. But I don't see any harsh words in this thread, so far

Jodi - posted on 06/18/2013

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Kimberly, I was just trying to be as honest with advice as I could with the limited information you gave.....I wasn't in the court on the day, you were. As I said, you'd have to analyse the case, or better, get a lawyer to look at the case to answer why you have such minimal time with them. It isn't about you. It is about what HE could do for them, not what you couldn't do for them. I am just trying to advise that you need to look at HIS argument that was presented to gain an understanding for the situation. I don't know what that is. It doesn't sound fair at all, but there is something in that court hearing that lead to the judge making that decision, and you need to find out what that is by analysing the case.

Kimberly - posted on 06/18/2013

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Wow!This website is just awesome!!!! It is so great to get kind words

I never said the dad was unfit
I worked two part time jobs, while the kids were at school
Most parents do that
I never pleaded to the court that I was not an unfit mother or a perfect mother
I was fine with split custody between the two of us for the boys
Court had literally been settled between the dad and I 2 years prior giving him every weekend and I had weekdays
I was able to financially provide for my children
I was physically there for my children for everything that was going on with them
I never said I wanted full custody, I am just wondering why he got full custody and I got dropped to one night a week
If we are both fit parents financially and physically, why is it okay to minimize my parenting time to such a little amount

Jodi - posted on 06/18/2013

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I read your first post and am wondering.....is there any particular reason why dad SHOULDN'T have custody? It is fair that children are no longer automatically put into the primary care of their mother just because she is the mother and that they are considering WHICH parent is in the best interests of the child. If he were an unsuitable parent, I could understand why you may be upset, but nothing you have said indicates that he is unsuitable. Instead, it has been all about how you aren't a bad mother. By awarding custody to the father, they are not saying you are a bad mother and you were unable to provide for them, but that in some way, dad provided enough evidence that your children's best interests, for some reason, were better served by living with him.

So you need to figure out what that was. Maybe his lawyer DID present a better case than you. If you presented a case just to prove that you don't drink, smoke, etc, and he presented a really good case showing that the children's best interests were served by being with him then yes, the judge would award him primary custody. So you need to consider the case from this angle. Not from the "they can't take children away from their mother unless she is unfit" angle. That's a thing of the past.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/18/2013

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I doubt it is "just because you work"

Family court looks at the entire situation: Who will provide the most stable life for the child, who will provide the most appropriate accommodations, etc.

I'm actually glad to see more dads getting consideration, to be quite honest with you.

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