CUSTODY CASE. NEED HELP NOW

Jules - posted on 07/22/2010 ( 18 moms have responded )

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I have a 2yr old daughter Lacie and when she was 3 months old her dad and i broke up. Since then he has seen lacie sometimes every weekend other times not for months. My ex Jake has recently decided to take me to court for custody of Lacie. Now i have been a good parent to my daughter and have always put her needs before my own. My daughter always has food on the table, a roof over her head, warm bed to sleep in, toys, games, clothes anything she needs or wants. From my ex i get a lowsy $37 a month in child support which basically is shit all these days. Not only do i pay for the rent, but food, bills, clothes, toys. Now the custody case went to court today and the judge awarded tempory custody to my ex until it goes back to court on the 14th of October. I get supervised visits on Wednesdays from 12pm to 3pm and saturdays from 11am to 4pm. My ex's lawyer accused me of being an alcoholic, drug addict, unfit parent and also accused me of having men at the house while my daughter is there. He had about 50 signed statements to back up his claims. Most of them are people i used to be friends with before i moved away 3 months ago. Some of them i have not talked to or seen for over 2 years. The only male who comes to my house atm is my bf Mike who i have been seeing for 6 weeks now. And he has never stayed over and has only come around a handful of times for dinner. Now i do have a lawyer who has advised me to get signed statement from people who can support my claim that i am a fit mother to raise my daughter. I have only had one serious relationship since my ex Jake and i broke up which resulted in the birth of my son in April this year. That relationship ended before my son was born. I am also pregnant again to Jake which is not my most finest moment but it happened. Now my question is this. Has anyone else been through something similiar? What happened? How did things turn out in the long run? I just need some help or just anything atm cause frankly i feel so angry at the judge, my ex, and his lawyer. Please i really dont want to lose my baby girl.

18 Comments

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Katie - posted on 09/21/2016

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Did you test positive for anything? I never heard of someone losing custody from a petition from friends.

Julie - posted on 06/22/2011

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You solicitor as given you good advice at the moment he as proved his case in the eyes of the law with all the statement he has produced you have to prove them incorrect and vindictive. The first thing is to go and see your doctor and set up regular drug test explain to the doctor what is happening then you need to get other statement of people who now the real you what about your boyfriends family. Please be aware your not just fighting for the first child you are fighting for the unborn child as well as the likely hood is that if a dna test proves he is the father the second child will also be given to you x as well as the only reason a court removes a child from a mother is if she as been proved an unfit mother according to evidence provided. Your choice is fight for your children or you stand to loose them. Sorry to sound negative don't give up you know if what he is saying is true or false if false then hun fight him every step of the way while gathering evidence you must be careful not to argue with him or bad mouth him in anyway the court officers will be noting your stability good luck and keep your chin up.

Kelina - posted on 07/23/2010

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Good for you! I wish you the best of luck with getting your daughter back home!

Jane - posted on 07/23/2010

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Attend meetings AA, NA, if this has been an issue for you in the past. But people who have seen you hold a job would helpful.

Jane - posted on 07/23/2010

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Honestly, I wouldn't be too worried. He has to prove a "significant change of circumstance" to reverse custody. He should be told that should he get custody taken from you, it's not likely to go to him since he's not seen her. Courts like "comfortable and familiar".

If your attorney doesn't object, you could request a guardian ad litem to determine the best interests of your daughter.

Jules - posted on 07/23/2010

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My ex Jake has anger issues and i am getting affidavits from people who have seen him yell and even hit Lacie. There is a lot in his past that will hurt him in court and i fully intend airing his dirty laundry. I did not want to go this far but i feel i have no choice now. I will keep you all updated as things happen. And i fully intend going to every supervised visit with my daughter.

Jules - posted on 07/23/2010

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My solicitor has already arranged for me to undertake an alcohol and drug test twice a week. I have spoken to my mum who i lived with on several occasions since i had lacie. She has agreed to give a signed affidavit as to how i interacted with lacie, the kind of mother i was to her while we both lived under her roof. My uncle is doing the same as i lived with him for 2 half months with lacie. I moved in with my uncle because my son was in hospital cause he was born premature. I do agree with you Amy it is hard to get someone to say i am clean and sober it is impossible. I am also getting affidavits from some people who are or have been friends with Jake.

Iridescent - posted on 07/22/2010

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You have a lot of evidence against you, fully admitted by you. If he's never had any of these problems, you simply may not be able to win. It doesn't matter that right this minute you're clean. Your baby is still a baby, you just had another baby in April, it's still July and you're already pregnant again, and there is more than one father total. It all looks quite bad. Plus the admitted drug use. Signed affidavits are important in court cases such as this, because it is the same as a witness. It's easy to get someone that has seen you use drugs to sign that they have seen it, but getting someone to accurately say you haven't? Impossible - nobody is with you 24 hours per day babysitting you. It's very hard to prove you've cleaned up your life, especially with a history such as yours.

I'm sorry if this comes across as harsh - it is the reality. My parents fought for many years over custody of myself and my sisters, and they didn't have anything like this in either of their histories. If either did, custody would have been awarded without difficulty to the parent without the bad history and we would have been much happier the case was decided.

Kelina - posted on 07/22/2010

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I agree you're going to need to prove that you're clean and sober. Both my brother and my cousin are drug addicts/alcoholics that recover for a while, soemtimes even a year or two before falling off the wagon, and i can tell you that once that trust has been broken it takes a lot to get it back. It could be that your ex truly believes that you're a danger to your child as he simply ahsn't been there until now. You also have things stacked agianst you as you also have a young baby and another one on the way. And you need to be prepared for the fact that he might try for custody of your unborn child if he knows it's his. Things the courts are going to look at are who is more financially stable? Are you working or on maternity leave? Is he working? Who ahs more time to spend with the kids? Who can provide them a more stable environment? If he has signed statements, these are people who are all backing him up, who obivously believe what he believes. Why did you move? I agree with your lawyer, get signed statements of your own contradicting what the others are saying. suggest drug testing. You're going to need to prove that you're at least as fit a parent as he is to even hope for joint custody. And go to EVERY SINGLE ONE of those visits, because if you don't he's going to use that against you in court. If you don't go, it looks like you aren't dedicated to getting her back into your home. Good luck i hope it works out.

Karen - posted on 07/22/2010

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Hi Jules! I am sorry to hear about your situation. I have a few questions to ask if you don't mind. What state do you live in? And did you have a lawyer with you during the court hearing? Was the sole basis of your ex winning temporary custody until the next appointed court date because of the letters written by his witnesses? Was it the Judge's decision only, or was child services brought into the case. I know I am asking alot of questions, but I am in the legal field and these answers could help me answer some of your questions. I look forward to hearing from you.

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I agree with everyone else. Unfortunately, you need to prove, indisputably, that you ARE clean. VOLUNTEER for drug testing and let them put you on random drug testing. I don't know what state you are in, but here in CA there is a program called The Effort and, among other things, they run a random drug testing service. What happens is you get a number (like 123) and then every day you call their phone number and if your number is stated you have to go in for a drug test that day. Sometimes your number won't be called for weeks, and other times it will e called every single day for a week or so. That way your ex can't say you had time to get clean before your test or anything. I would look into a similar program where you are (they also offer counseling services and programs if your ex is truly being an a**hole).

Good luck!

Linda - posted on 07/22/2010

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I agree, let them prove it. Take as many drug tests as they want you to. Go to meetings if you have to, sorry I don't remember if you are doing that. Good luck.

[deleted account]

Having signed statements that you are a drug addict shouldn't mean much if you can pass a drug test everytime... PROVE them wrong. Good luck!!

Jackie - posted on 07/22/2010

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If what he is saying is that you're a drug addict, tell them to drug test you! I also agree that you're going to have to contradict all of his claims but showing you ARE doing the right thing. Just stay clean and by the book and you should have no problem getting custody back, at least joint. Hope it works out for you. Good luck and keep us updated.

Candice - posted on 07/22/2010

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unfortunately, that's how court works sometimes. The person with the most "evidence" wins...even if the evidence is a lie. i feel for your little girl though...i have a 2 year old too, and it would freak her out to suddenly be taken from me like that. It would freak me out too.

Louise - posted on 07/22/2010

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Well done Jules for staying clean and sober this is all evidence you can use in your favour at court. You sound like a good mum to me and the judge was hoodwinked to give custody to your ex.

Louise - posted on 07/22/2010

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Is anything that your ex is accusing you of true? How can so many people make a statement saying it is? If they are all lying why would they do this, to take a child from their mother is appauling to both parent and child. There is only one way to fight this and this is by counteracting his statements with some of your own. This is going to be long and drawn out, the only thing you can do is keep a clean image and obey the orders of the court and prey that your lawyer can out smart his. This is a terrible situation to be in and I feel for you. I hope you find the strength to fight. Good Luck!

Jules - posted on 07/22/2010

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I should also add that before i had my daughter i did use dope and ecstacy on friday and saturday nights when i went out. But once i found out i was pregnant with lacie i gave up the drugs and alcohol. After Lacie was born i did not have a drink or use drugs for about 5 months. But then i started hanging around with my friends again and during this time my mother looked after lacie for about 4 months. But after which time i got clean, sober and since then i have raised her basically on my own 24/7. I have made a lot of mistakes but i always always put my baby girl first. NO matter what

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