custody for my son

Erika - posted on 12/22/2014 ( 25 moms have responded )

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Hi moms.
Im new here and im dessperate to find help.
Its complicated but short story is i have 3 kids of my own which i dont have em in my custody. My 2 girls r with their aunt for now. And have a dcfs case open with them. My son case got closed with his father which i have a big problem with. I have not seen my son due to him wanting to be present. And i told him im not okay wit that. I want to see my son wit someone else monitoring my visits. So bcuz he wont let that happen i havent seen my son for 3 weeks now. So his no complying with courts orders and now i dnt know what to do. And how to report it.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/22/2014

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If the court orders for visitation have been violated, you need to have your attorney address that.,

If the court orders state supervised, then you need to comply.

Sounds as if there may be a reason for the child's father to be concerned about the welfare and safety of the child, and at this point, if you want to get access to your kids, you probably should be as cooperative as you can be to prove to 'everyone' that you are capable of being a good parent. Everyone makes mistakes at some point, and if you have fixed whatever got your kids removed, you just need to rebuild the trust.

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Erika - posted on 12/23/2014

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@charlotte
Im trying and all i do is ask when can i see my son witout him monitoring my visits he dont reply back.
All i do is beg. But all i do is try.
And i do informe my worker about everything and i do have all my texts

Mommabird - posted on 12/23/2014

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Be strong for your children. Keep it together until then. Any attempt to see your son until then needs to be documented by the social worker, proving that you make attempts to be civil even if he shuts you down. He'll be the one in contempt, not you.

Erika - posted on 12/23/2014

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@jodi
I hope so i just want to be able to see my son wit out him and no problems.
Well i did suggest a police station and he did agree but never text me back when he said he was and im the one who keeps begging to see my baby

Mommabird - posted on 12/23/2014

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So basically its a waiting game right now. Sounds like nothing is going to change until you get custody of the girls in March, and then fight for custody for your son. Very frustrating

Jodi - posted on 12/23/2014

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It will only help if the judge at the same time makes other arrangements for her visits with the child. I had to take out a protection order against my ex many years ago, and the orders also provided for supervised visitation for my ex to see his son to be through a centre rather than having to have contact with me.

However, given the OP's ex isn't cooperating with the orders anyway, it seems it will probably be pointless.

Erika - posted on 12/23/2014

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@charlotte
Thats why i need a 3rd person involve. Thats why i have not seen my son.
And nower does the court paper say it has to be him monitoring my visits
It even says my daughters aunt can do it. Shes been approved and finger printed

Mommabird - posted on 12/23/2014

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One thing i dont understand....how would putting a restraining order on him HELP you? Restraining order keeps him away from you, he has your child.. No visitation if he isnt allowed to come near you....

Erika - posted on 12/23/2014

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@shawnn
I cant go to his house bcuz he wont let me and i dont want to be alone with him.
They advised me to do my visits in a police station. And he agreed to it. But he never text me back.
And he only wants to do 3 hrs a week. No more.
Yes the officer did say to go to court and put a restraining order against him and i am. But i guess depending on the judge to take it.
The only witness of him not coaperating is the social worker. In not letting my daughters nor me see my baby. When they r court orders
and i understand the part of the part to monitor my visits.
But its does say on the court order my daughters aunt can do it. Thats my daughters side of family not mine nor his

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/23/2014

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Its simple. You go to his house for 3 hours 3 times a week to see your son, or you take the time and effort to provide enough proof to get your orders changed.

You have to fully document things, and be an adult yourself in your presentations to your attorneys. Allegations and police reports aren't going to help, you need factual statements with witnesses, and official restraining orders to show proof of his alleged abuse of you, which would then be enough to get 3rd party supervision (no relatives) in place.

You don't seem to be understanding that part.

Erika - posted on 12/23/2014

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@shawnn
Yes i agree apparently to courts none of what he has done matter.
But according to the childrens court and social workers. I can go back fight my son once i get custody for my daughters in march.
Because i have them back.
And i heard dont know if its true. But if he tryies to talk about the matter why he has him. It dont count because that case was closed and now im fighting for physical custody of my baby.
Idc if we joint he can see him im not trying to do wat he is doing by taking my son away from me. But i do want my baby with me.

Erika - posted on 12/23/2014

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@jodi
Okay i understand thank you.
The last thing i need is loosing my son for good. And yes his being an ass. I have cried so much for my baby because i dont know what to do. I dont know who to listen to.
Social workers say that his not complying.
My paper says.
3 times a week (3hours)
Mother is to have son mothers day and father on fathers day
Monitor visits outside placement and unmonitor visits fathers home.
Sibling visit r to be aranged by father 2x a month
Aproval for monitor visits is the girls aunt.

Everything is so complicated and im frustrated not to see my baby.
The courts dont see or care how his been with me and my son. Thats the sad part

Jodi - posted on 12/23/2014

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Erika, the police report for domestic violence is not enough. You actually have to get a DV order from the court. Also, your custody/visitation court order does not specify WHO supervises. He has decided it should be him. The court order doesn't suggest it shouldn't be. I'm not trying to say he is in the right, I totally agree he is being an ass. However, standing YOUR ground is not helping matters. I was trying to make some suggestions on things you COULD do to try and see your son in the meantime. But if you want to dig your heels in and yet not go back to court, I can't help you and neither can anyone. You are going to have to cough up that $500 and go back to court. My suggestions were just ways you may be able to see your child while you waited.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/23/2014

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Since your court orders do not specifically say that he cannot be the one to supervise the visits, your refusal to see your child if he supervises will count against you unless you get back to court and provide sufficient proof of WHY he should not be present during your supervised visits, and request a court assigned 3rd party supervisor.

Not much else makes sense, so I'll leave it with that, because it seems that your other children were removed due to a serious concern for their physical and mental safety, and a pedophile is a danger to any child, which justifies making sure that your youngest is safely out of his reach.

As far as the birth certificate, it doesn't matter if he signed it or not, if paternity proved that he's the father, then that's the legal standpoint, and there's no way to change it short of finding a time machine and not sleeping with him in the first place. Since you can't do that, you need to comply with court orders, or take the time and effort to get them amended to orders that you can comply with.

Erika - posted on 12/23/2014

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@jodi
Social worker said i am getting my girls back and that shouldnt make an issue to get my son back.
I have all my text since the day he wont let me see my son.
I have a copy of the police report for domestic vilence and his not complying. I also have the court order of what it says and his not complying to me nor the worker due to siblings visitations. Which he hasnt done since halloween

Erika - posted on 12/23/2014

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@jodi
I am complying with the visits. I just dont want him around and my worker the cops said i can get someone else and i have but he dont want to.

Jodi - posted on 12/23/2014

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To be honest, neither of you are respecting one another's decisions, it isn't just him. He currently has physical custody and in the absence of it being specified in the custody orders, he has decided that HE will supervise your visits. Whereas, you have decided you don't want that. Clearly it is both of you not able to come to an agreement, so you do need to revisit this in the court and make it more specific so as to avoid ANY confusion on either of your parts. Unless the orders specify, he has as much right to nominate who supervises the visits as you do and because he is currently in physical custody, he has the upper hand. So while you are sorting it out, if you want to visit your son, is there someone you can take with you so that you feel safer, and can you arrange those visits in a public place? Just as a way to see your child until you can get this sorted out? It will look good for you in court if you are seen to be trying to be cooperative because you really want to see your son.

Also, make sure you document every communication you have with him. Keep it only about the child and your visits. Don't engage him on any issues. If he refuses visits, record it each and every time. If you are the one refusing to visit your son, however, that may look bad on your part, even if it is because you don't want to be near your ex.

If you can get that domestic violence order, make sure you indicate that there are custody orders in place that specify supervised visits and that these visits shouldn't include him.

In all honestly, it really doesn't look good to the court that you have already had 2 other children and don't have custody of them, so they would be concerned about giving you custody of your son. What are you doing about gaining custody of your daughters back?

Erika - posted on 12/23/2014

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@evelyn
Instead of supporting me and being there for me he abandoned me and said lies of me saying i took pills while being prego from my son.
When my son is healthy thanks to me. When i took care of myself made sure my son made to this world. When i was at risk of loosing my baby. 3 months of spotting and gng to the clinic and e.r and bng in bed rest.
While he was out with ex baby mama in a hotel. Knowing i couldnt go try those emotions. And then tellig me to pick up w.e i had left when we use li e together. Knowing i cuddnt carry heavy stuff.
And when i went i did not even have all my stuff in the apt. Cuz most of it was trown out.
So i dont see how its fair he gets to do me like this still and not see my baby or have him

Erika - posted on 12/23/2014

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@evelyn witt.
It all started with me calling the cops and reporting my daughters being sexually abused by my step dad. And i made the report.
It all started there and the father of my son took advantage of taking my baby away with alot of lies of me.
When i took care of my baby for a year and two months when all this happened.
My ex did not even sign his birth certificate when he was born.
Me and ex have been on and off and every time we break up he goes running back to his ex the mother of his other two children.

So hope that was more then said.

Erika - posted on 12/23/2014

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@jodi
Because the last time i seen him he socked me and left me a bruised. And every time we had sex he would pinch me and bite me and leave me marks he insulted me.
And i took bcuz i wanted to see my son more. 3 weeks ago i put an end to it and now i havent seen him. Bcuz he wants to be monitoring me. And i honestly dont want him around me nor do i want to see him. They told wat he was doing is munipulating me with my baby.

Erika - posted on 12/23/2014

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@shawnn
Yes visitation are suppose to be made. I just found out i had my right to see my baby 3 times a week for 3 hours.
And the father is only letting me 3 hrs a week. But i havent seen my baby for the past 3 weeks do to he wants to be around me and monitoring my visits.
I dont want him near me nor do i want to see him. Now my social worker and in the court papers say my daughters aunt can monitor my visits. Nowere does it say that he has to be the specific person to minitor. And we have joint custody and he has physical. And his not respectimg my decions. So i made a police report against him for not complying to court orders and a domestic violence report also.
My attorney wont do anything he told me to take him back to family court and i did but they charge me almost 500 of court fees which at the moment i do not have
So i dont know what to do.

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