Lisa - posted on 09/02/2015 ( 8 moms have responded )
Hello. I have joint custody with my ex for our son. On the weeks our son is with his father, his father places him in daycare. The daycare has an open policy that parents can come, have a snack, read, help with homework etc. and has parents make use of this. My son has asked that I come on those weeks to review his homework. I come in, I spend 30-40 minutes reviewing his work and/or answering questions and leave quietly. My ex, however, feels this is a violation of our joint custody and is now making quite a stink at the daycare stating it's "his week". I have been candid with the providers stating that I understand this, I have violated no access, no visitation, nor interfered. On the rare instance my ex has come to get our son and I was still there, I have stood up, said goodbye to our son and left (or he left before me if I am cleaning up the table area to leave it tidy for the daycare). The daycare has stated that there has never been an incident when this has occurred, but because he has custody during that time they are worried I am violating a court order or they can get in trouble. I have politely explained that if their policy is parents can come, I am not violating their policy nor am I interfering with custody, visitation or his decision to place him in daycare but merely reviewing his homework and that this is about the child not the father, no one has done anything wrong, and everyone is getting upset over nothing. Am I wrong? The daycare, I feel, will be treating me and my son differently from everyone else because of their idea of joint custody and fear of my ex, as well as my ex, who routinely tries to block my access to our son while he has him (no phone calls, etc) is now using daycare to block any access when I'm not breaking our court order, joint custody or the facilities rules...yet everyone is on pins and needles (except for me) that everyone will get in trouble. I say no one is doing anything wrong EXCEPT my ex. Am I wrong? I feel this is reverse interference nor healthy for our son. I do not prevent access to my ex to our son when he is with me (he has full use of computers to send emails and phones to call/receive calls, come to appointments, practices, games) but the reverse is true when my ex has a son. He treats it that if our son is with me, he can see/talk to our son (at will as he doesn't always) but when our son is with him I can have no access to him whatsoever. Any guidance is appreciated, particularly with this daycare issue because it's starting to put focus on us (which I do NOT want), treat my son and i differently and cause anxiety and stress for all involved when the simple fact of the matter is I believe HE'S violating the order or misusing it to invoke a power struggle and i'm not doing anything wrong, i'm following the rules of the court order, joint custody and the daycare facility AND being their for our son when he's asked me to be. Thank you.