Custody issues

Christyn - posted on 01/30/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )

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I just had my son two months ago. The father cheated on me even when i was pregnant. When i had Kaiden and week later he was on drugs and somehow managed to get three felonies against him, he would leave us whenever he wanted to, and wouldn't get a job to support his family...he couldn't even afford formula for his son! On that note since we are going through a divorce does he deserve the right to have Kaiden more than every other weekend, none at all, or should i fight him for full custody, or supervised visitation??? im very confused

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Sharon - posted on 01/30/2010

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Ask for the moon - settle for a star.

What I mean is to push for full custody with no visitation based on his criminal history.

if the sperm donor doesn't show up - you win 100%.

If he does show up - then you can settle for full custody with supervised day visitation, no over nights while he is young & vulnerable.

And even then - keep a log of his visitation & payments.

Most dads like this don't make payments which contributes to the 'abandonment' status you want on record for him. If you can prove abandonment, you win again.

good luck.

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LYNN - posted on 06/20/2014

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OK now don't allow this ding bat to intimidate you.,
You are mommy and from the sounds of thing ,s .
You have been the primary caregiver since birth.
I don't want to tell you to fight butt I will tell you.
If in your true heart of heart ,s you have granted him.
Fair reasonable parental right , s you as a mother owe .
It to your little one to protect him whould you hire this person to babysit .?
Nope . not from what I just read. imagine that being a resume .
Protect your little one ok god bless.

[deleted account]

I would go for full custody with supervised visitation. I would not trust him to be alone with my son. If he wants any part of joint custody then he needs to prove that he is drug free, can hold a job, and stay out of jail.

[deleted account]

I agree w/ Sharon and document everything! When I went for temporary full custody of my kids my ex never showed up, so it was granted. When he tried for full custody (after basically ignoring them for a year and a half) it made him look even worse in court. He DOES get visitation, but not anything near what he wanted.



If you KNOW your ex is doing drugs, push for a drug test. I suspect my ex 'may' be doing drugs (other than cigarettes and alcohol, which I know), but I have no proof and can't currently push for a drug test w/out some type of evidence....

Jodi - posted on 01/30/2010

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Very good point Sharon. Always ask for more than you expect, just don't go in expecting to get it.

I went through a situation about 18 months ago where I needed to resolve an isue with my ex regarding our son, and he never showed up to mediation to try and resolve it, so when it went to court, we asked for full parental responsibility (decision making) for me (in Australia, 50/50 is automatically assumend and someone has to be a real idiot to lose it). The idit never showed up in court, so the judge just handed it to me. Now my ex no longer has ANY right to contribute to decisions on schooling, medical, sporting activities, etc. He still has a right to his visitation schedule, but I wasn't fighting that at the time.

Sheldon - posted on 01/30/2010

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as a mum it it your place to make a choice of what to do in the best intrest and saftey of your son from what you have said about your soon to be ex husband fighting for fill custody and supervised access sounds like the best choice you could make some body who's got a drug problem cant abide by the law and has showin such little intrest in the well being of his son can hardley be trusted to keep the child safe or looked after if he had him with out supervisen get you a good lawyer do what you feel is right :)
good luck to you and I wish you the best for this slow and stressfull process
I have gone through this also with my childrens birthfather I spent 12 years in a relationship with him and he was a dayly P (Crack, Ice whatever ya call it its the same) user he was volent towards me and my children I lost 2 babys after beatings from him and almost lost my Daughter at 21 weeks as he ramed me in the belly with a pram then broke into my place smashed it up and started a pre term labour at32 weeks with her he threatend to kill me and the kids and there were alot of times the police were called but even after this and me getting protection orders and all the dramas I still had to go to court to get coustody Im just lucky he was to druged up and just didnt give a shit to appear at the court cases it took a year but I have fill cousody and he is not aloud near the kids unsupervised on saying that though he has now gone 2 1/2 years of not contacting them.
you taking the steeps you need to to keep you son safe may also be the wake up call ya ex needs to turn his life around

Cathy - posted on 01/30/2010

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I don't think that you son's father should ever have unsupervised access to your son if he is still involved in drugs. It is not good for your son to be cared for by someone who is not responsible. I am not sure what you do about that though as I have no idea about custody issues.

Crystial - posted on 01/30/2010

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wow hun as far as he goes your better off without him and for your son go for full custody and if the judge says he can have access make sure its supervised for me my daughter biological father isnt involved at all and hasnt been for over two yrs my girl is better off good luck hun i hope it works out .

Jenna - posted on 01/30/2010

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make sure you document EVERYTHING!!! Im going through this same thing right now and my best friend went through it too. You will probably have to give him visitation depending on where you live. Where I live the hardly ever give full with no visitation but my friend got it cuz of the charges against her ex. Talk with a lawyer. If down the road he cleans up his act maybe he can have visitation...remember visitation doesnt mean he can take ur son with him it just means he can come n see him. Good luck!

Cortney - posted on 01/30/2010

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So I have read what other people have said. I have been through a situation like this. A judge will not keep the child away from the father. You can get supervised visitation but no matter what he will make you let the father see the child. You should fight for full custody which shouldnt be hard to get. Then go for supervised visitation but without enough proof the judge will still give him overnight visits 1 night every other weekend and after a month it will be the whole weekend. Just a little advice though no matter how bad you feel he is you had the child with him. Don't keep the child away from his father because in the long run it will come back on you.

Melissa - posted on 01/30/2010

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You fight him for full custody. Have the proof that you need for the judge that he is a bad father. This will help in your case for Supervised visitation, should you want to go that route. There will be no way that a judge will award him any kind of custody with all that he has already done.

Leah - posted on 01/30/2010

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After all that he's done and felonies etc I don't see how he's even a good father. Not even giving a damn to get a job so his own baby can eat! WTF! Get full custody and don't give up until you get it. I wouldn't want my child anywhere near a man like that.

Leah - posted on 01/30/2010

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After all that he's done and felonies etc I don't see how he's even a good father. Not even giving a damn to get a job so his own baby can eat! WTF! Get full custody and don't give up until you get it. I wouldn't want my child anywhere near a man like that.

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