Custody issues in Illinois. Can anyone help or offer advice? Please!!

Aubry - posted on 03/25/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I divorced my abusive husband and it has now been 5 1/2 years. We agreed on everything in the divorce so it would be cheap. I didn't have money to pay for an attorney and no one knew that he was abusive, I hid it from everyone. So I couldn't ask my parents for money. I agreed to joint custody and I am the custodial parent of one child and he is the custodial parent of our other child.



Everyday since my divorce I have wanted full custody and just to give him 1 or 2 days a week with the kids, but I have no idea how to go about this or if I even have a chance. Now, my son is 8 and he has his dads aggressive temper. It scares me that he is going to act like his father, he already is. He treats his little sister pretty bad sometimes, but daily is excessively rude and hateful. Yells at her like his dad yells at him. Grits his teeth at her. Bumps his forehead against hers while he yells. Slaps her if she doesn't listen. He even grabbed his sister by the throat once when he was mad at her. This was his dads way of getting my attention. The whole situation is all to familiar to me, and my son doesn't remember his dad treating me this way; he was only 3 1/2 when I left him.



They both love their dad, but they don't fully understand that his behavior is wrong. I can't blame them, honestly he was great at making me forgive him and then he would do it all over again. I was married for 6 1/2 years and dated him for 3 before we got married and his behavior just became worse over time. He was verbally abusive daily. Told me how stupid I was, pointed out all of my flaws, and made me feel worthless. Then, when he wanted something from me he would butter me and make me feel beautiful and special til he was done with me. I was madly in love with him, and he changed my entire life. It took a lot of courage to leave and I had to deal with a lot of society pressure, since no one knew how he was behind closed doors. In the eye of the public he is a saint.



Does anyone know any way to fight the court system? To find a way that I can raise my children in a safe and loving environment. I hate to see them leave to go to their dads and they always get upset and say they don't want to go. I just do not know what to do. I am still a student. I just finished my BS HCM and I am starting my Masters while I look for work. But I really can't afford an attorney, but I would definitely go in debt for my children.



Concerned about my children's future

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Aubry - posted on 03/25/2012

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Thank you for the encouragement. I get so absorbed in my kids and how to get back what I have lost, that I lose track of time. I am suppose to be writing my final paper for my Bachelor's degree right now. I appreciate your help and I will be back on soon.

Katherine - posted on 03/25/2012

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I'm sure there is. It might be a little battle but I'm sure there is a way.

Aubry - posted on 03/25/2012

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Thank you. I wrote down a lot of information. I wonder if anyone has any similar stories and if there is any hope of me being able to change our custody order.

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