custody issues please help

Sammi - posted on 04/11/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

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hi I have a four year old daughter her dad in and out of our lives as long as she has lived the longest he's gone without seeing her is four months. right now we have joint legal but I have full physical custody we've been fighting a lot because I'm getting married and I just heard he was trying to take my daughter and I want to get full custody but I don't understand why he is trying to get custody of her.just start soon as I got in for 4 months of no contact or trying to be in her life what can do. Does getting married give me a better chance for me to get full custody? I keep track of all the time he does not see her and I was wondering if anybody has gone through this because I don't understand how someone is going to get full custody of a child he doesn't see when he has a child with another woman in different states that he has nothing to do with either.im 21 I have my own apartment for 3 years now I pay my bills and have a vehicle. Hes 25 lives with his best friend around the corner. Pays child support for my child and his other daughter no car.. the list goes on how does he think he has a chance he called cps on me twice and they never took my daughter actually when the cps worker said he had no reason or intention to take our daughter out of my care he got an adittude and never met with the cps worker again and never took his drug test which my fiancee and I took and passed :) im starting to stress out about it and I shouldn't have to ive been taking care of her since she was born with out him.

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Jodi - posted on 04/11/2014

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So YOU want full custody but don't understand why he does? Why is joint legal custody such an issue for you?

Getting married will make no difference for you - your child's father is still her father. Stop fighting over her. Chances are he won't win full custody, but why are you fighting. You have full physical custody, what more do you want? If he hasn't filed with the courts, then stop engaging in the argument.

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Jodi - posted on 04/11/2014

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I understand that heartbreak, I really do. I have a son who went through it. If he has the right to visitation, you need to stick with that. Stop calling him and knocking on doors. You're right, it isn't your responsibility. Let him make the decisions. But don't cut him out of your daughter's life just because of this. Your daughter will be fine. My son is now 16 and still only sees his dad once very couple of months but they have a good relationship. As long as a child has ONE stable parent who doesn't engage in the argument, then the child will be fine, but constantly engaging in this battle is what will harm her more than if you just focused on providing her stability in your environment but allowed her the time with her dad that her dad offers her, as little as it may be.

I know what you mean when you ask "why we can't just be parents", but you can't control his choices, only your own. Taking him to court to cut him out of her life is not going to solve your problems and in the long run, is not really going to be in your daughter's best interests.

Sammi - posted on 04/11/2014

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Im fine with the cousdity order we have. Im fighting for her not over her I rather him have no rights then to watch my daughter week after week sitting in the window waiting for her daddy. Im sick of him running around telling people hes taking my daughter when hes barely a father I want him to stick to the order we have or just stay away. When I have to call and knock on doors so our child can see him is overwhelming because it isn't my responsibility to make him be a father.
we fight because I grew up and moved on he can't come and go as he pleases. I want my daughter to have stability and hes not stable. Its soo much I just dont get why we can't just be parents! Why hes playing all these games our daughter isnt a game she needs us both to be adults

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