Custody of step child?

Kelly - posted on 07/19/2011 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I'm pregnant with my second child. I also have a 20mth old son from a previous relationship. My bf has a 2yr old daughter from a previous relationship. Miss 2 lives with BFs parents because her mother is somewhat psychotic. DHS thinks also for a multitude of stupid reasons that BF is unable to care for his daughter. He was going to hand his daughter over to his parents because he thought that was the best thing to do for his daughter. We have recently been given a nother option, to go shared custody with his parents. His parents think this is a bad idea though. The original idea was to give them custody until we're living in a bigger place and have moved closer to where his parents live. However we havecome to realise that his parents are going to fight us to get her back, even if she was 15. We have decided to go for the shared custody, but this could mean that 2yrs worth of fighting starts all over again. My family thinks im both crazy and a hero. Does anyone else have any ideas abouthow to handle the parents? or DHS? or wwhether we're crazy for stirring things up just as they were about to finish?

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Kelly - posted on 07/21/2011

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Because of all the drama that's been happening over the last 2yrs, his parents are paranoid that she's going to get put in foster care and taken away from the family completely. His mother has said that she will share decision making rights with us, but not the BM. Which is understandable. MIL says she's willing to work with us through this, but she's also saying its going to be at least another 3yrs before she's willing to even start. And by that time bubby has started school and it's too late.

[deleted account]

You have a lot of valid points. I think if his parents are willing to work w/ you (though it kind of didn't seem like it in your first post)... it sounds like you guys have a good plan for a gradual transition. I hope it all works out!

Kelly - posted on 07/21/2011

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She's not 15, she's 2.And the reason he wasn't allowed to have her to begin with was because he was interstate when she was handed over to DHS. Then he was told that to look after her as a single parent, he had to stay home with her full time. Only he couldn't do that because her mother was claiming all the family assistance money for her. H was also breached because he walked out of a parenting course that was aimed at difficult children between the ages of 5 and 12. Having a 6mth old at the time it was completely irrelevant.

We've already talked about it alot. We're moving up to the town his parents live in. Once we're settled we'll start having her once a fortnight and then up that to once a week overnight until she's with us full time and seeing the grandparents once a week.

I do love my children, all 3 of them, My son, my stepdaughter, and the one on the way. I also love myBF andwant him to be happy. I know it breaks his heart everytime we go there that he's not even allowed to take his daughter into the backyard without his mother being there. I have to get police checks every 3mths to be able to stay there. We wouldn't be going through this at all if BM wasn't such a basket case.

I do wonder, if we just hand her over, what's she going to think in 10yrs time when all her brothers/sister live with us and she doesnt. How that's going to effect her in the long run too.

[deleted account]

She's not 15.... she's TWO. ;)

What is in the best interest of the child? Why do DHS think that your boyfriend isn't suitable? Are those things true? Is/did he changing/change those things already?

Not being in this situation... I have no clue what is in the best interest of this particular child. I hope you all figure it out soon though and make sure it happens!

Kathy - posted on 07/20/2011

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Why don't you ask the child what she wants
If she is 15 she should know
sometimes ITS JUST NOT ABOUT YOU

Shirley - posted on 07/20/2011

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Why should innocent children be put in such a dreadful situation. We adults should be mature accountable individuals and love and rear our dear sweet children with all the love a person born into this world is entitled to and deserving of. Resolve your problems without putting the children in the middle. Your problems are not theirs to be solved. Grow up and be responsible and thankful to God for His beautiful gifts of our children. I love my children with unending love and admiration. They are my pride and joy and my best friends.

Britt - posted on 07/20/2011

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Im not understand this , but if you think his parents are ok and the child is safe in the grandparents care then go ahead and do it it is best for what is now ( all the things going on in your life) there is a custody matter thats called a Third Party which means he ll pay support on his child to his parents and can get him/her back into his care as soon as he is stable or more stable at a later time. Try to sit down and talk and lay everything out on the table concerns arising issues, and support your bf too on his own decisions. I wish the best. keep us posted please

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