Custody or No custody

Lena - posted on 01/10/2016 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Hi everyone!

Wow I have so much to say I really don't know where to begin. I guess the beginning is always best. I am a mother a beautiful four year old boy. His father and I split 2 years ago do to his cheating ways. Nonetheless, I always suspected is he was unfaithful, and spoke to him countless times about going our separate ways, and possibly getting back together if it was meant be. Of course he always claimed he was faithful and happy, and it took me actually seeing him with my own two eyes in the bed with another girl, as I was suppose to be dropping my son off to him early that morning. At the time he lived with his parents and I lived with mine. Anyway, we split I still remained cordial and he started dating this girl who is also bi-sexual. Now my ex really enjoyed smoking marijuana. I know what you are thinking...why would you want someone like that? but I was young when we met, and it didn't really bother me at the time. So he and this new girlfriend of his obviously smoked together, and he's also hinted to me about experimenting with other drugs as well during this time. My son now seen him less and less, and anytime my son was with him his grandparents were also present. So this has all been taking place since Februaury 2014. This past summer 2015 I found out that he stopped talking to this girl he cheated on me with and is now with the girls best friend/ lesibian lover ( as I told you before she likes both women and men) So this new girls name is Nicole. I believe he also had a threesome with these two young girls , and maybe now he prefers the other. At any rate stole money out of his parents safe, and his mom ended up kicking him out of the house. He had no where to go so he ended up moving even further away to be with Nicole who lives with her friend.

After not hearing from him since my sons birthday this past Septemeber, he finally decides to send me a text. Stating that we need to talk about my son coming to see him. Now mind you I don't know where he lives, and I don't know his living situation, nor do I know the people he is living with, and he wanted me to drive an hr and 45 min to bring my son to see him ( I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants).

I told him I was uncomfortable for the reasons listed above. Not to mention he hasn't kept contact with my son over the past year, He's been living his life as a single person without responsibilities, all the while claiming to be getting his life together,
I was really optimistic about him getting his life together, but he has missed court dates for child support, and told me that hes not having anything to do with the courts. Child support came about after he failed to help me financially with our son. He has always had trouble keepin a job, and I believe its because he is unmotivated.

Anywho, I found out over the Christmas break that he is having another baby with this girl Nicole, and has told his parents he's in love and he seems to be over the moon. Now when I spoke to him he told me that he is really trying to get his life together once again, but he cant because of the child support, and he wants me to talk to the judge ( I laugh again becaurse that's not happening, and that's now his problem).

I would like the opinions of some other mothers out there. What would you do in my shoes if he asks to see my son ( I always gave him the opportunity to come and see him ie, scheduling playdates or something, and that door is still open, Also should I file for full custody , as he has not been an active parent in my sons life since he was 2.

Please give me some insight!

3 Comments

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Michelle - posted on 01/10/2016

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I agree with everything Jodi said.
Get custody and visitation sorted out through the courts ASAP. Child support and visitation are separate issues though.
Don't back down over the child support, your son deserves the money to help you raise him. It's your ex's fault if he can't keep it in his pants or use protection, not yours.

Jodi - posted on 01/10/2016

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If I were in your shoes, I'd get custody and visitation in writing through the courts. As it stands, he has all the rights in the world to 50/50 custody and you wouldn't have a leg to stand on if you refused visitation. Nor would you have anything going for you if you handed your child over and he decided not to return the child. Get court orders. You don't currently have the right to refuse visitation, and if you do, he could file for custody stating parental alienation - and people lose their kids for that.

Child support is child support. He can get over it. He made a baby with you, he has a financial obligation to help support that child.

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