Custody shared custody dealing with the PA state when my daughter was born in MD?

Ashley - posted on 12/07/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I have something to ask all the moms out there.. I am really upset and feel like I am being walked all over when I am such a nice person. My ex and I who werenever married and had a child in common with one another and she was born in maryland and she is seeing all her doctors in md and I have all her records of her being seen in md and I am the only one who takes her to all her doctors visits, he doesnt. after the hospital we went to pa because he got an appartment there and I was never on the lease nor was my daughter just him and I was not living there fully after four months I moved back to MD and stayed there for several monthsunder six and then went back to pabut we kept breaking up and getting back together and it just was not working so I finally left for good and took my daughter with me. Out of no where he filed for primary custody in pa and we had a mediation and pa said for us to split our child 50/50 and thats not what I wanted. Now we have another mediation coming up in january to come up with an agreement and his agreement he wants is to split our daughter 50/50 and he gives me 300 a month but when he works he sends her to his grandmas house where his aunt is living because she doesnt want to work and has no place to live. when she couls be with me while I am in school full time. He kept asking to get back with me and tried having sex with me and doing all these things he shouldnt be doing by asking me for food for her and him which I gave him because he told me he didnt have any money and he wants 50/50... So this case is in pa when she was born in md and all her family and doctors are in maryland. How is this fair? I do not know what to do and I am on a buget. I mean I really am even messing up on this question when writting because I am such a mess. I am a fit mother and go to school full time and love my child and we are so close..he is so controling and he tells me he doesnt want me to have her more so she will like me more, which is sickning because I am her mother... One time he asked me why she favors me over him and I ssaid its not that we just have a bond I cant explain he said " screw the bond, I dont give a shit about that" LIke he is jealous or something or her loving me. He filed papers and I got served by pa from his lawyer saying I would hit my daughter and am an alcoholic and all these mean things about me which were not true at all, he wanted primary custody thenbacked down to 50/50.. why would he back down if i am a so called "unfit mother"? wouldn't you file for full custody I know I would! Hes so terrible... Everybody is saying what he is doing is horrible to me. right now the court ordered a temporay order that we do some 4 days then 3 days on and off to where everything is equall and one week I see my daughter for only 3 days thats 4 days I do not get to see her when I am the one always taking her to her doctors and caring for her all day when he is working.. he has no idea what its like to be with a toddler all day because he works late then plays with her for a little bit then puts her to bed.

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Jodi - posted on 12/07/2012

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Where is your daughter when you are in school full-time? I'm just curious, because you are condemning him for having someone else look after her while he is working....I'm assuming you don't take her to school with you.



I am going to say it flat out. I get so SICK of women coming here and bitching because they don't WANT 50/50 custody. 50/50 is actually what is fair. You are BOTH equal parents. You BOTH created the child. The child has a right to an EQUAL relationship with both of you. What YOU want doesn't matter and is entirely irrelevant.



I see absolutely nothing in your post that screams he shouldn't have 50/50 joint custody other than that you don't like it. He has a right to the same bond with your daughter that you have. She has a right to that too. Be thankful your daughter has a father who wants to be a big part of her life. Many don't.



Edited to Add: It is now up to you to prove to the courts why the 50/50 arrangement isn't in the best interests of your daughter. Not how it isn't in YOUR best interests, but your daughter's. The onus is on YOU to show this now.

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Dove - posted on 12/07/2012

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A typical split is 50/50 unless there is a VERY good reason to rule otherwise... which you need to prove to the court that it is not in her best interest to have an equal relationship w/ her father... or nothing will change, nor should it.



That's her father. She shares 50% of her DNA w/ him, so if he WANTS to be involved in her life.... why shouldn't she get to see him 50% of the time?



Yeah, if he's saying all these things about you that aren't true.... that makes him a jerk to YOU and I don't blame you for being upset, but if your biggest complaint in his parenting is that he has child care for her while he's working... You are going to be sorely disappointed in court.

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