Dad coping with a single mom

Mr. A - posted on 12/21/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

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i am having a very difficult time dealling with the mother of my child. We have a beautiful baby boy who is currently almost 6 months, and we have been married for 5. We have been very happy and everything was perfect except for the occassional spat. she went to visit her mother for a week, during which time we had a fight about a bouncing check. i felt bad so i thought i would do something straight out of a nicholas sparks movie, which she loves, and drive 600 miles to apologize just so our fight wouldnt ruin her visit. i wanted to show her she was worth going that distance just to ensure her happiness. she yelled at me that it was controlling, which is odd being not so long ago she said if we ever fought and she left or wasnt there i should go to her.(her words) since then it has fallen apart completely. i was pushy but only because she would not allow me to see our son. every time i asked to see them , which was 5 times a week even at 600 miles. she said no. or came up with an excuse why i shouldnt and the excuses were so bad i couldnt see them as anything but attempts to keep me away. at first she would tell me what was going on with him and send me pictures, but i did get upset finally and yelled at her for not allowing me to see him. i offered councilling no. i offered a legal visitation document because she was so afraid of me taking him no. the one time that first week i went to see him we were talking lovingly, we were saying i love you and i miss you etc. this was 6 days after she left. i got there and told her i was there. she immediately locked the door in my face. i dont know what the heck is going on but i have now been almost 3 months without my child. i have not seen or heard of him in a month and a half. she has blocked me on facebook, changed her phone number, he mom says she kicked her out of her house and says she doesnt know where they are(thats a lie) they both lied about how badly they needed the birth certificate so she could get him insurance. she said he was sick and needed it right away. i was worried though so i called to see if i could fax it and they said they didnt need it, and he already had insurance! i didnt say anything to them just made excuses about why i hadnt sent it yet. they lied about how super important it was for his health before i finally had enough and told them i knew the whole time they were lying. three times she actually said i could go see him, the first time after i had sent her all my money to get him winter clothes. i told her i could get there, but wouldnt have a place to sleep and i couldnt work drive 8 hours, see him all day and drive 8 home. i said i was 20 short for a hotel room and didnt know anyone whos place i could stay. instead of giving me 20 back or offering the couch, i was a jerk for not going. the other 2 times, i had a police officer call me because i was harrassing her and yet i wanst. supposedly i had made a fake facebook of her and was harrassing people with it. I never did that. so i couldn't for risk of getting a restraining order. I lashed out a few times but never threatened her or called her names. i made her feel like a horrible person. the worst i said was when she said that a real man wouldnt treat a girl that way i said it was lucky she wasnt a girl then because a girl had more heart. she wont tell me where he is who he is with or even if she is with him. her mom sends my grandma a picture once in a while but thats it. I do know she is seeing her ex again and a friend of mine saw her on a social dating site, and so started messaging her. it took him two hours to get her to agree to meet for sex and sent him a bunch of naked pictures. she did not know him except for those 50 maybe messages. then he told her he knew me. the messed up part is that while doing that, she was on the phone saying she wanted to fight for our marriage. as soon as he said he knew me she called all worried saying she wanted us. i tried telling her i thought it was post partum but she refused to believe it. i explained how bad it was for our son, because he had bonded to me more than her. i think he saw me as the primary caregiver as they say. i was so worried that he was going to forget me. she said her son was fine she feeds him and keeps clothes on him. i have missed his turning over sitting up first holloween first thanksgiving solid foods, and a million other things. and she doesnt care. it hurts me so bad. ive wanted nothing more than a child for 20 years, and when he was born i promised him i would be there for him every day. she made me break my promise. I am having a very hard time with it . In 4 days is christmas, and its his first, and i hate ill miss it. then, four days after that it becomes that i was with him less than half his life. i am needless to say devestated. i am falling apart. she knew how important he is to me and she uses him against me. i can barely get out of bed, i have panic attacks, i lost 65 pounds in 2 months. i only sleep four or five hours a night. i had to put up all his things, because seeing it made me cry. i couldnt go into walmart and see all those happy families for a while . i still have to avoid the baby section completely. i guess i only wrote this because i saw one on here about the mothers keeping the child away from the father by choice. i just wanted to say that if he is a good man, please dont. i know what it can do to you. she filed for divorce and about 10 days later tried saying she wanted to get back together but i said i only could if she would drop the divorce because the custody in it was the minimal . and she got complete physical and legal custody. i told her i would fight for my parental rights. if we were going to divorce i wanted joint custody. she refused to do so willlingly. finally i had enough with all this other stuff too, so i changed my mind and now i am going for full custody. her and her entire family has been hiding him from me for no other reason than she wanted to go screw off and let her mom watch him so i wouldnt find out. and i gave her the chance to come back time and time again. but enough was enough. i wouldnt put my worst enemy through that and she had the audacity to say she loves me. her ex gets to hold my child and see him and play with him but yet im frozen out. If you added every hurtful thing ever done to me, multiplied it by 100 it still doesnt compare to a single day of this agony. so please mothers, i know that some people do not deserve to be a parent , and shouldnt have a role in a childs life, but dont do it out of spite to a good man.

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Mr. A - posted on 12/21/2013

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Yes. I'm pretty much assured it now especially since when they figured it out that I did have it they started framing me for stuff they were doing

Jodi - posted on 12/21/2013

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She's going the right way about you being primary custodian by alienating your child from you. So keeping the child from you is likely to backfire on her.

Mr. A - posted on 12/21/2013

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Yes I have been since she locked me out for no reason. I got all texts and calls recorded. I also have her on breaking the injunctions against secreting andhiding him and also for taking him out if state wwithout my written approval. So, my lawyer told me she'll be lucky if she doesn't get jail time. It's all very wrong, and I can kind of understand where me being demanding would make her keep her distance. Her biggest fear though is me taking him and keeping him from her. (no thanks to the ex-wife) I asked why if that's her biggest fear she doesn't understand the pain I'm going through. She said she couldn't understand it because she would be super loving and sweet so she could get what she wanted.

Jodi - posted on 12/21/2013

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You need to get a lawyer and set up custody arrangements. It sounds to me like this is potentially a situation of parental alienation. Start to document EVERY time you attempt to see your child and she refuses. She doesn't have the right to do that, and you need to get some court documents to back you up.

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