Dad does not want to pay child support - but wants my son biweekly

Monica - posted on 09/22/2015 ( 15 moms have responded )

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So to make this short - My 5 year old has been with out his father since the day he was born – ( dad was in jail ) we were not together when I got pregnant but that’s another story, My sons father got out last april and was so into being a great father which last a month. After 3 weekends or less of having my son almost every day for a little while he started to look for a spouse and watned to leave his mothers house. Which is of no concern to me because I am happily married with a newborn. Anyway, now the father never wanted to give me any monetary support, he advised me that he would only pay child support through the courts because I was going to spend my money on partying ( WTF ) I told him that he doesn’t have to give me money, I work in a great job and maintain my family without a hand being given to me – not to mention my husband has a GREAT paying job. So I asked him instead of money help me with PRESENCE – he said ok and ended up coming around 1 – 2x’s in 3 months. Last he saw my son was on Fathers Day this year. Last time he took my son he brought him back with REALLY bad allergies – this weekend he took him and my son came back home, scratched up, full of mosquito bites – with green boogers ( Sinus infection) this AM he woke up with fever and missed school. I asked him VIA text to please take the animals in house gf’s house out and he told me he would. Then I don’t know what got into him he started texting regarding taking me to court for giving my son Allergy medicine that is to sleep ( its non-drowsy) and prescribed by his dr. To make a long story short he is making everything difficult and I didn’t not even once say I wasn’t going to let him take him… What should I do? He is in court for Child support but doesn’t pay…? Any advise

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Jodi - posted on 09/22/2015

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If you just outright don't let him take the child any more, he could accuse you of parental alienation. Your best course of action would be to have orders that state the requirement that his home must be free of these allergens and that he must follow medical orders, etc, A court document stating these things will hold more weight to him than you just telling him. This also gets rid of any ambiguity. At the moment, YOU are the one not letting your son go to dad's house (and that's also how your son will see it when he gets older), whereas if there is a court order protecting the situation, it will be the court order preventing the visits. Honestly, I'd talk to a lawyer.

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Monica - posted on 09/23/2015

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I told the father from the beginning of he couldn't or just didn't want to financial help me that eventually the courts would change that but I'm the mean time to be a part of his sons life... It did take him a little over a year to come around but I do see he is trying , what is difficult for him is his spouse whom he lives with that doesn't want to come to an agreement about how the house it/ rules are when its his kids weekends. Like I said my son went this weekend after not seeing his dad since Father's Day... And it's not like I'm going to call him to remind him he has a son. Daily I know and am aware I'm a mother... He had the audacity last week to tell me I should make effort in telling my 5 year old to call him. It's a lot more than just what I wrote here but I have to sit down and think about all of the things he does. Money to me is bullshit the help of course would help but my son knowing he has both his parents is what matters to me. Regardless my son is more comfortable talking about his step dad rather than his real dad. What i am going to do is get his allergies record and take it to court when I open up the visitation case and let the judge do what he does. I leave it in gods hands and the judges! Thank you for all your feedback

Monica - posted on 09/23/2015

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I know, even though we got into a fight I still text him with his sons update after the doctor. I never told him I wouldn't allow him to see his son I just want to take care of my sons health

Raye - posted on 09/23/2015

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You can't rent your kid out to the father for money. Visitation and child support are two separate things. You need to go to court to get orders for when he will have visitation and what condition his home needs to be in for the well-being of the child. If he doesn't comply with the court orders, then you have legal recourse to go back to court and they will exact a punishment. If it's just you against him without court orders, there's nothing legally you can do. Don't look at it as the father's right to have a relationship with his kid (which it part of it), it is also the child's right to have a relationship with both their natural parents. So, work with the dad on creating a workable solution. Don't just make demands.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/22/2015

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He probably wants to be in his son's life for the same reason that YOU do...the child is HIS as much as YOURS.

You haven't been to court, and that was your choice. Go to court. Get specific orders. You cannot arbitrarily decide to keep the kid from his biological father, because not only does the man have the right to be a parent (same as you do) but the KID has a right to know his father.

Monica - posted on 09/22/2015

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Yes, he has an ear infection I just got out of the Doctor . I asked to refer us once again to allergist

Sarah - posted on 09/22/2015

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Monica, I simply wanted to clarify if he was already on an antihistamine?

Dove - posted on 09/22/2015

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Olivia... no offense, but if your mom ignores the situation you have no idea what a court will or won't do... Going through the court system is the RIGHT answer. Why don't you get off the computer and go play outside...?

Monica - posted on 09/22/2015

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What? He takes over the counter allergy medicine daily but when he went over there his allergies got worse

Sarah - posted on 09/22/2015

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Does your son already take a daily antihistamine? There are many safe over the counter choices that don't cause sedation. I am not saying this is the solution, but I wonder if it is part of his routine?

Monica - posted on 09/22/2015

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what i am looking for is any alternative route i can take.. if their is any... i need outsiders opinion.

Monica - posted on 09/22/2015

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No, The father took him this weekend since the last time he saw him which was Fathers Day. He wants to start being in my sons life because i guess he feels guilty? I dont know it was from one day to the next - my guess is that since he is currently going thru child support w/ his other 2 kids and he put himself on child support for my son he wants the court to see he gets them every 2 weeks. But hes only had mine twice since April 2014.

My son is allergic to Dust, Dogs , Cats and Grass. Father is aware that my son suffers from Allergies , his mosquito bites turn infected almost immediately after being bit.

When i wrote this i was upset and i realize i didnt take time to be more specific. I am not letting my son go back because the father cant get rid of the animals , i asked him to please see his son either at my house ( i included his gf to come as well) or at his mothers house. and he said NO.

I also asked if my sons therapist could go to the house my son will be in to see his environment and he said no. ( my son has adhd)

Jodi - posted on 09/22/2015

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Ok, firstly, I do have to say that a sinus infection doesn't just develop over a weekend, so this was not his fault. "Green boogers" indicate that he probably had some level of infection before he left and it just developed.

How is it that it's his father's fault that he woke with fever this morning if dad hasn't had him since Father's Day? That's really confusing.

With regard to the allergies, was dad aware of these allergies? Does the child never have allergic reactions at all when with you? When do you give him this allergy medicine? What is it that he is allergic to, just the animals?

I'm not quite sure what advice you are after, but you should, at the very least, have some level of court visitation orders and custody orders, if nothing else, to protect the child, and the rights of both of you as parents.

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