Dad Troubles

Alejandra - posted on 05/14/2015 ( 7 moms have responded )

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So my son is now 2 months and 5 days old and his father has yet to give me a penny for any of his expenses. But he expects every right over him and tries guilt tripping me into driving 45 minutes to where he's at just so he could see him. But he puts no effort into coming out to where I live. And the only reason we aren't together to begin with is because he chose to spend the only money he would get, from working a couple of days, on weed and pills. And I called it quits after he got arrested for a DUI. But 6 months later, hes finally got a job and has kept it for longer than two weeks and claims to be sober. Now my question is what are the chances of me getting full custody if I file for it?

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Raye - posted on 05/15/2015

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You should take it to court and get primary custody for you, and visitation for him. Also get child support set up. Jodi is right... having visitation orders in place with the court would tell him exactly when he's supposed to have the kids, so there's no confusion. You could always make arrangements to allow for more time, if you choose to do so, but would only be legally obligated for the time per the agreement. So, you would not have to allow the guilt trips. Also, the travel should be split. It should not always be you driving out to him. Getting legal counsel would be a good place to start, as they would be familiar with the laws and procedures in your area.

Jodi - posted on 05/15/2015

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How you go about it generally depends on where you live. Here in Australia, for example, I would personally contact a lawyer to get some advice (and a draft parenting agreement) before then going to mediation to start with. Mediation here is compulsory before having to take it to court. But in many places, seeing a lawyer and filing in court is a first step.

Same with child support, it varies depending on where you live, but you have a right to file for it. Here in Australia, we file through an agency, no lawyer required, but in other places, you need to file in the courts.

Jodi - posted on 05/15/2015

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It's just that I get tired of hearing the whole "but he doesn't pay me a penny, so he shouldn't get to see his kid" thing. I apologise that I misinterpreted. I see it so often on this site it drives me nuts.

With regard to the going out of state thing, what you should have is a visitation agreement. That way, he has allocated times he gets to have visitation. If he requests outside of those arrangements, then you have every right to say no, I've made other arrangements. It will make it very clear when it is your time and when it is his.

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Alejandra - posted on 05/15/2015

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Thank you ladies so much for all the help! I'm going to do exactly what you both are suggesting!

Alejandra - posted on 05/15/2015

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No it's okay! I understand, because I too, see it often. Our kids are not at fault for anything and by keeping the dad away you're just affecting your child in the long run not the father.
And thank you! Sounds like that is a pretty nice and civil way to go! and how exactly would I go about setting up these visitation arrangements?

Alejandra - posted on 05/15/2015

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Woah, nowhere in there did I say he couldn't see him whenever he wanted to. He himself doesn't put any effort into doing so. He knows that whenever he wants to see him he can easily text or call and arrange something for us to meet up, but the few times he has seen him I drove to where he's at. I just think it's best for me to file for full custody just because I go out of state a lot for thee holidays and I wouldn't want to be charged with kidnapping just because he suddenly felt like seeing his child and I happened to be out of state, and another reason being, it doesn't seem to me like he even cares to be around. So why share custody? Why would I ever keep my child away from his father?....
I'm just trying to figure out if it's best for me to file for full custody or go to a visitation mediation about all of this.

Jodi - posted on 05/14/2015

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Here we go again..."dad won't pay me money so why should he get to see his kid". Sorry, but that's not the way it works. Your child is not a commodity available for rent "yep, you can have him for a bit.....but only if you pay me".

Have you actually filed for child support?

"what are the chances of me getting full custody if I file for it?"

If you mean visitation, probably very little chance. He is highly likely to get some form of visitation, whether you like it or not. You can certainly push for having it supervised if you have evidence that there may be a safety concern for your child. And visitation has nothing to do with child support - it will be treated separately.

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