Daddy's involvement in baby's whereabouts - posted on 02/11/2011 ( 8 moms have responded )




Hi! I am a little bit confused as to I am not sure if I am demanding too much from my husband when it comes for him to pay attention and dedicate some time to our 14 month-old baby. My husband works long hours and gets home around 7 - 8 P.M. He does a lot of the chores at home and he is in charge of our two dogs, he is really of big help when it comes to that. However, because of his limited time, his involvement and interaccion with our daughter, in my opinion, it is not sufficient. When he comes home, he says hello to the baby, give her couple kisses, plays with her for 2 or 3 minutes, and this is about it. On the weekends, there is always something that needs to be done around the house, or with friends, but at the end of the day, his interaction with her is about the same as just explained. I always tell him that he needs to have more involvement with the baby as now, she asks for him and when she sees him, she wants to be with him. We are getting into fights over and over because this same issue. Please tell me if I am wrong for demanding some more of his time for the baby.


Jennifer - posted on 02/11/2011




It sounds like your husband has a lot on his plate. He's working long hours, doing a lot of chores, and taking care of the dogs. Where does that leave him the time to do anything else? I have four kids, and my husband spends quite a bit of time with them. He can sometimes work 60-70 hours in a week, but other than that, I pretty much deal with everything else at home (excpt for the mowing, because I can't watch kids and mow at the same time). That way, he still has his evenings free when he gets home to be with the kids and I. Plus on the weekends, if we don't have anything planned as a family, that leaves him a little time to do something for himself, because just as us moms need me time, so do the dads. Maybe if he had less chores to do at home, or even you take care of the dogs, then that would free up some time for him.

Laura - posted on 02/11/2011




You are not neccessarily wrong for wanting your husband to spend more time with your daughter. Are there specific activities that you would like to see your husband do with your daughter? It could be that "interaction" is too vague of a word and your husband doesn't quite know what you mean or want. Try asking him to do specific tasks with your daughter. Louise had a good idea as a place to start: Baths! This was what my husband did with our daughter when she was little. That became their special time together. And as a girl, it is about the only age that a daddy will be allowed in the bathroom! : )

Take a look, too, at the chores everyone does. Be willing to negotiate some changes to the tasks so that better time can be available for your husband to be with your daughter. Offer to do one of his chores so he can spend time with the baby. As you know, providing childcare can be a job so the trade-off could actually be in your favor! ; ) Hope this helps and good luck!

Louise - posted on 02/11/2011




Why don't you let him bath her at bedtime, this could be their special time. It will force him to pay her some attention one to one. Ok in the week he may be getting home to late but there is no excuse at the weekend. It is important to build a relationship between them. Most men do take a back seat when the baby is young as they feel a little lost as to how to care for the baby, but now she is getting older that should not be an issue. Ask him to bath the baby and then leave him to it, don't make him feel inadequate as to what he is doing let him cope. Make sure he is prepared with towels, clothes nappies and such so that this is a plesant experience for both of them. As your daughter gets older ask him to take it in turns to read her a bedtime story and so on. I think us mums push our partners out when the baby is born and they find it difficult to find their place when baby is so small. Do not nag him or row over this anymore just encourage him to play his role as daddy by going out and leaving him with the baby to get your hair done or something this will give him confidence that he can cope and their is nothing to be scared of.


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Alex - posted on 02/16/2011




its kinda difficult because he obviously does alot round the house and works to....we sometimes have to remember that even when a baby is 14 months old dads sometimes arnt really sure how to play or spend time with them when shes alot older and he can throw a ball around with her or go swimming and do bombs together or something fun he will probably understand alot more and want to interact more, maybe an idea is take away one of his other "chores" and make this him and daughter time instead, you have to do one more chore but if its worth it then great :)

Medic - posted on 02/11/2011




Wow I think I am the odd one out on this as I think he needs to make time for her. My husband works long hours too from 2p-11p and works over an hour away, he also does about half of the household "chores" as he should. He is also the one that gets up every day with the kids and gets the older one off to school and feeds the 1 year old breakfast so I can shower and do some school work while he is here. Just because a man works out of the house does not excuse him from household duties or spending time with the kids. Last time I checked my husband had half the involvement in making the kids he shares in making the mess in the house and he sure as hell can share in the cleaning and maintaining of it. Before I even agreed to stay home we laid out the ground rules and they are simple I am a stay at home MOM not a HOUSEWIFE which I have no desire what-so-ever to be. My husband has also had the enjoyment of staying at home when our son was 2 for about 6 months when he came back from Iraq so he can appreciate what I do. Before we had kids he knew that I did not want to stay home forever that I felt I was just as valuable as he is to the workforce but I did agree that the first year our kids should be home with one of us. Then again I am also the type that when I feel he is neglecting his time with the kids to unplug the video game or hide his keys and hand him a child...or two.

MaryAnn - posted on 02/11/2011




Does he want to spend time with her? Can you rearrange some of the chores he helps with so that he is not pressured into spending time with her? Can some outings together with her as the focus be part of your lives?

Perhaps he does not know how to be a father and for a man, not knowing is ego deflating. Did his father interact with their family? Children learn what the see. If a father is there for his wife/partner and his children, this is what his children learn. If he is aloof because he does not know what to do, then this is what they learn. This is a tough place to be. Are there active parents groups in your area where you could all become involved so that your husband/partner won't feel like he is being forced into anything. All of this comes back to, does he want to spend time with your daughter and does he know how?

Sherri - posted on 02/11/2011




I personally think you are being very demanding of him. However, that is what my husband has always done with all my kids and I never pushed him. He does what he thinks is acceptable and it seems you guys need to get on the page and meet somewhere in the middle.

User - posted on 02/11/2011




From my stand point, he does a lot. Be happy that he helps out around the house. My husband works from 7pm-7am, (if he gets out on time) and has a 45min commute to work. He sleeps during the day. We have a 2 1/2 yr old son and a 10mos old daughter. My husband RARELY will help with house chores or play with the kids. He has the next 4 days off from work before he starts his 10 day work stretch and he packed up the snowmobiles and went sledding with his friends and left me home with the kids with no vehicle. When he was out packing the truck and his sleds, I sent our 2 year old out to "play" with Daddy. Our son LOVES to play with Daddy and it kills me watching our son beg him to play. Some days I just hand him our daughter and tell him I am going to go take a shower. This forces the issue for him to be with the children and I take a nice long shower. I really wish he would do more. I have talked with him about it, beg him to help, threatened him...
He has said that he doesn't know what to do, how to do it, and doesn't feel comfortable because he is afraid he will do something wrong. So instead of learning from his mistakes he just doesn't do anything.

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