Dangerous new boyfriend

Sam - posted on 05/28/2015 ( 23 moms have responded )

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I need help. My boyfriend has a 2 year old who i get along with very well. The only problem is his ex gf who is just nasty and wants to fight about everything. The big issue right now is that she is dating this guy who is on probation for selling drugs. She tells us that he doesn't live with her, but that is a lie. She also has a daughter who is 6 years old by another man. About a month ago she called us to pick her up at 3am from a strange place. she told us that he had choked her out, took her car and left her stranded. She didn't want to call the police because he is on probation that's how we found out. A couple days after that we find out that shes back with this guy. Also about 2 weeks ago she called us if we could keep her son a little longer because she was in the hospital getting a cat scan because he beat her, destroyed her house and stole money from her. She put a restraining order against him and her kids had one as well. but when we asked for the copy she told us she dropped it. The bad thing is that she told us that she makes things up when shes mad. My bf wants full custody, because his son is in a very dangerous situation. Since I've been with him she has had multiple guys at her house and gets really depressed to the point where she cant watch her kids because these men break up with her. Not only that her son has also told us that her bf hits him. That guy has already threatened my bf that hes going to beat him. We have everything in text messages and voicemail I need help what type of proof do we need? what kind of legal action can we do

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JazzyGirl - posted on 05/28/2015

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Unfortunately with abuse there is a constant pattern of always going back. If she is coming to you for help at 3 in the morning, then turning around to say she doesn't want to go to the police because he is on probation. She is looking out for him and not her safety. If this continues he is going to kill her. Not to mention the fact that her son has mentioned that he hits him. That's reason enough to go to custody court, just be prepared that custody battles are very difficult and take some time to wait. They are not always fair and even the worst of parents can sometimes be given custody. This is not meant to scare you but to prepare you for what is to come. I've been through custody court myself just a year ago for my four Year old son. Be legally prepared hire an attorney if you can afford one. If you can not there are sometimes resources in your area that can refer you to free service depending on the situation, but you have to look them up. Aside from The whole custody battle before you get into all of that there are a few things that you need to do since this man is obviously violent and threatening your husband. Take the threatening text messages to your local police station, explain the situation, and file a report. The report will not do much but at least they will have something on record that it's happened if something comes up. Ask them for further resources and if he is violating his probation by doing this, they may not be able to tell you that. So you have to do most of the detective work on your own. From now on out record any incidence like this to have in court. The next time she asks you to look after your son because she is worried about him call the police once he gets to your house and she is gone to explain to them what's going on. Make sure you let them know you are worried about your sons safety and don't mention anything about custody unless they bring it up. People tend to get custody and different situations confused and may think you are doing it for selfish purposes. There is nothing wrong with looking out for this child. It's bad enough that it has gotten to the point where he is threatening the father. This will not stop and can only get worse. Something has to be done. Remember go to the authorities first to explain the immediate danger you are in by being threatened and your concerns. There's also Child protective services they can do an overlook of the ex girlfriends house, but I wouldn't recommend that since he is threatening and may do something drastic. If all else fails and they don't do anything because they say there's not enough "evidence". Then go to court for this child. If the Mom's not going to look out for him then somebody has too, and he shouldn't be exposed to the fighting and abuse it's not good for him. I hope that this helps some I know it's not much and can be a conflicting situation to approach since this child is living with the mom, but the adults in the situation have to look out for the children and it's not getting. Whatever you do don't sit and think on it too much because nothing will get done. This is a situation that requires immediate attention. I wish you the best of luck for you and this child's safety. No one should be harassed or intimidated and this child definitely should be looked after before something happens.

India - posted on 05/28/2015

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You should advise your bf...that if the baby's mom isn't communicating civily with him...make it to where she can just leave messages on the voicemail if its really important...that way it keeps down altercations and its recorded if there is any

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India - posted on 05/28/2015

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That's very wise...the dads can also come together and use each other's testimonies in court...that would really shine some light on the case

Sam - posted on 05/28/2015

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thank you so much. I am also concerned about her other daughter, the girls father is also taking her to court. We don't want to tell him about the new bf because this guy will snap knowing who shes bringing around his daughter

Sam - posted on 05/28/2015

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yes of course I don't talk/text her at all. Hes been doing all the texts and calls with her. I will support him in any way that I can. The only thing I've been telling him is to be calm not to listen to her when shes insulting him.

India - posted on 05/28/2015

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Its all about what u can prove on paper sam...I went thru the same exact thing with me and my husband and his child he had before us...mom was mentally unstable and boyfriend was crazy...guess who has the child now...we do

India - posted on 05/28/2015

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Yes...you can also request that...you would like to have temperary custody until the investigation is over and that u would like her visits to be supervised

Ev - posted on 05/28/2015

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And she is going to say that, Sam. You as the GF of this man are going to be a support for him in this. Do not say anything to her to make her say more and make more drama out of it. Let him handle the legal things and talk. This is between him and her. All you can do is be there for him. My thing is that the first time she contacted you and told you the BF hit her and she needed help, that you or the father had called the police or CPS on the matter. They would have stepped in and investigated if you were certain this situation was a danger to the children.

Sam - posted on 05/28/2015

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Hes suppose to get him Friday morning before work then drop him off at the babysitter. She said hes not allowed to do that which is false. should we keep him and go to the local police department to see what they tell us we should do?

Sam - posted on 05/28/2015

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my boyfriend is really trying to stay calm about this situation. He wants his son in a safe environment. She told us that we are selfish for trying to take him away from his mother and sister.

Ev - posted on 05/28/2015

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You can ask for anything but its up to a judge to decide what is what in the court room.

India - posted on 05/28/2015

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Evelyn I didn't say that he SHOULD get into an altercation with the boyfriend...that would be reckless and violent...and could be used against him in court...I was insinuating that he better move quickly on keeping the child with him and filing a motion to the courts to get full custody...because if he waits and do nothing and the mom puts the baby in harms way again and the baby gets hurt...then that may provoke him to want to protect his son and not thinkingly get into altercation with the boyfriend which could leave dad looking violent in court as well

Sam - posted on 05/28/2015

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we went to court last week to get full custody of his son. he has court next week. she did not let him have his son on Tuesday which she is court order to do so. He called the cops to make the police report. We also have a previous police report when she came to our house harassing me at 2 am. She tells us we're dumb and that they will never take her kids away from her. She said that her bf never hits her around her kids and hes great with them. Can we also request for her to get checked out ? we really don't think she is mentally stable

Ev - posted on 05/28/2015

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He does not need to go into an altercation with the ex's BF. All he needs to be doing is calling the police or CPS if he is that worried and start in on the proceeds to getting custody.

Ev - posted on 05/28/2015

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India--There would be no need for him to go that far with this. But he does need to do something. Also CPS might look at it like he knew and did nothing to protect them since his EX told him what was going on in the home. He needs to get it going quickly but he needs to understand if he knows anything at all, and he suspects its dangerous he needs to report it himself.

India - posted on 05/28/2015

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If he really wants his kids...he better make a move like yesterday before he ends up getting into a physical altercation with her boyfriend and paint a bad violent image of himself in court

India - posted on 05/28/2015

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Its going to be an on going situation if something's not done about it ...and next time everyone may not walk away from the incident okay or even alive

Ev - posted on 05/28/2015

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CPS should have been called already. If she has called you two times to keep the child and come to get her because of er BF's behavior towards her and the kids, that right there is enough to have them check it out. Also she should not have dropped the case against him. It should not matter if he gets probation or not, he is hitting children and making living conditions unsafe for them. What if he had hurt her to the point of unconsciousness? CPS and the police would have stepped in and taken the kids. But the fact she told you guys herself should have been enough for you to call the first time and not wait until now to decide to do something.

India - posted on 05/28/2015

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I know your bf can go down to family court and file a motion for primary custody and list all that u just previously text about...make sure you print out those text messages and be ready to play those voicemails as proof...the kids need to be taken out of that environment immediately... So for the mean time...I know it may seem harsh but the next time u get the baby keep him and don't return him...call CPS and let them know what's going on and let them know also that u have already filed a motion for custody and after the CPS realizes what's going on...they will show in court with you all and give evidence...which will result in the judge ruling in your favor

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