Dating a man with children

Christian - posted on 01/17/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )




I'm dating a man who has children from previous relationships. What concerns me is that he doesn't appear to try and see or spend time with one of them even though he's active in the other's. He pays child support to two women and has four children. He sees his children with one mother but doesn't see the child he has with a different mother... There is no legal or custody issues that prevent him from doing so. This troubles me as I further our relationship. I've mentioned to him that I need him to be a good father to ALL his children and he needs to do better with this other child. I have not seen an improvement. I have children and he seems interested in spending time with them but I keep thinking about his own child he doesn't. Is this none of my business? Is this a character flaw I'm choosing to ignore if I continue our relationship? As a single mother I need a good male role model or none at all. I need serious advise. Our relationship otherwise is amazing.


Raye - posted on 01/18/2016




I am a step-mom of two, and let me say, if there are alarms going off and things that don't match up with your idea of what you want for your family, then it may mean you need to run. If you want to keep seeing him, you need to know what you're getting into, so my advice would be to flat out ask what the deal is. Don't accuse, but just say that you noticed there is more distance in that father/child relationship, and want to know what the deal is so you know what you're getting into. It is your business, because things can change and you'd be thrown into a cyclone of chaos dealing with things that you never imagined.

You can't force him to be closer to his kid. And to try to do so could cause turmoil for you, him, the other kids, the "neglected" child's mother, and could ultimately hurt the "neglected" child more than if they were left to the status quo. There's a recent thread on this forum where the bio-mom is pissed at the step-mom for her influence getting the dad more involved. That woman is a little nuts, and can't get over that the father is legally entitled to the time according to the court orders, and that it might be better for the child (if there wasn't so much hatred on the mom's part). But her bad attitude spills out to negatively affect all of them. So, don't stir up a bees nest while you're "trying to do the right thing". Sometimes, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.


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Dove - posted on 01/18/2016




As a single mother w/ 3 children... if I were to ever date a man w/ children and he wasn't actively involved w/ ALL of his children... I'd stop dating him. Technically I have zero interest in dating any man, but especially one w/ children even if he IS involved w/ them though. ;)

My ex left us the day our third child was born. He left to live w/ another woman and her two kids. They have since had a child together... Sure, he's involved in all of their lives, but OUR kids together... are lucky to get a call more than once a year.

It's not right and I would not tolerate any man that would do that to any child.

Christian - posted on 01/18/2016




I try not judging others on past behavior as long as I see positive and mature present behavior. Yes, he has children with two women. I went on a date with him and was blown away. I try not justifying his past either though... We've now been dating seven months so it's getting to that point of deciding to stay exclusive or run like hell. I honestly do not know why he doesn't try spending time with his other child. I feel weird mentioning it again but it's eating at me. He seems like such a great guy otherwise but I will not continue to ignore this. Now I'm wondering... What have I gotten myself into?!?!

Michelle - posted on 01/17/2016




I would be wary of getting in a relationship with a man that has children from a couple of different relationships in the first place.
What has been his reason for not seeing the other children? That would influence my response.

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