dating age

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Sarah - posted on 12/02/2014

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So true, my kids have peers at 12 and 13 that date. Mom or dad pick up and drop them off at whatever...then they get brought home by the other parents or even older siblings. I think it is ridiculous.
I work as a school nurse and I do pregnancy tests on girls in junior high! I ask them, who is the potential father and they say "my boyfriend". I ask where do they have sex, and it is usually after school at one or the other's house.
Educating my kids, and having a constant open dialog about dating, relationships, sex, birth control, guarding your body and your heart has been my priority since they were very little. My 18 yo son has chosen only to escort girls to dances but my almost 16 yo daughter is more interested in dating. However, the day she turns 16, it isn't like a bell goes off and she is free. She has been talking to boys on the phone, going out in groups, participating in lots of extracurricular activities. All of these things are helping her learn to communicate and set boundaries for herself. We also talk about what the expectations are, what sort of dates they can go on, that young men are not allowed over unless I or dad is home.
That was a bit of a rant. sorry

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Laurie - posted on 12/02/2014

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That, Sarah, is exactly what I meant. I can't articulate it quite as well because I am still only operating from the child's perspective on this matter as neither of my children are even in school yet.

Laurie - posted on 12/02/2014

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Then it sounds like I agree with you. I haven't really thought about an actual age to set as a limit for that, but I agree that children should not be allowed to be in such grown up situations....

Ev - posted on 12/02/2014

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I never disallowed the BF/GF at ages younger than 16. Just the dating aspect of it. My kids followed my rules for their ages. My daughter started dating at 16. Her brother has the same option but he has chosen not to date yet. AS having a BF or GF, they could have them.

Laurie - posted on 12/02/2014

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I am not saying that you should allow them to be alone somewhere with a significant other, I am simply saying that telling a child they are not allowed to date until 16 means something completely different to preteens and young teens. This is cutting them off from any aspect of romantic relationships. Chaperoned outings, group dates, etc are all still considered dating. If you are very specific that you simply mean that they are not to go alone on dates until they are 16, that makes perfect sense. If you are banning any romantic relationship until they are 16, chances are you will be opening the door to deceit and will end up not knowing when they do actually start dating.

Ev - posted on 12/02/2014

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Laurie,

The age of 16 is the best age as far as I am concerned. Group dates under that maybe as long as they are supervised. I did talk to my kids about dating and the other things that are involved without making a long list for it. I was open to my kids talking to me about anything and everything. Those elementary BF/GF things do not last more than a few days to a few weeks and they move on. Middle/Junior high school ages they do the same thing but maybe a bit more involved. But the kids have to have boundaries too. And kids left unattended at any age will do things no matter how often you tell them its not a good idea and why. My kids are basically adults already. My youngest turns 18 soon. I did become a young grandparent but my daughter was 21 and an adult. The point is allowing a child to date in this day is not a good idea if they are way too young.

Laurie - posted on 12/02/2014

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It really doesn't matter if you give your kids an age where they are allowed to date, when they are in elementary school they are going to have "boyfriends and girlfriends". It is a very normal part of every persons development to try to explore those aspects of adulthood as a child, it is much like preschoolers playing house. Your better bet would be to talk to you children about boundaries, rules like they are not to be in a room alone with someone of romantic interest with the doors closed, when they are old enough to be home alone they are not to have anyone they are romantically interested in over, etc. Also, having open conversations about intimacy with your children, letting them know you are there to listen if they need you and that you want to know what is going on in their lives and will not judge them. But, this is just my opinion....teens with too many rules, or too strict rules, are more likely to try to hide their relationships from their parents...and then you may one day be hit in the face with a grandchild on the way thinking that your child had never had a relationship yet.

Sarah - posted on 11/29/2014

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My kids are not allowed to date until 16, and then it is on a case by case basis. I do here of much younger "couples" and I personally think it is absurd.
Why do you ask?

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